How do i check my childrens Myspace/other accounts for predators?

Question

My children are on Myspace a lot, and i try to discourage them from doing so. I don't want them to know i'm checking it because then they would not talk to those that they do, i want to see what they say and do so that if they were to talk to this person i'd be able to punish them from doing it, otherwise they could find another secret way to talk to online predators, i hardly know whats going on on their myspace/other accounts. Any programs i can use over my home network to check? Thank you so much.

Also keep in mind, their accounts are on private, but i'm still not sure if they could be talking to strangers.

Yes "Exploited" not explicited, i was in a hurry.

Answer 1

This is an interesting question. My son is nearly 10 and just getting in to using the net. He uses it mainly for searching for games cheats, but also uses club penguin.

When he asked to join I said he could on certain conditions. First, because of his age, he joined with my email address. I told him the only information he was allowed to give the other kids was his age and that he is in the UK. I explained to him the dangers of predators, he asked a few questions, which I answered in a way he would understand, that would not frighten him so much that it ruins his confidence, but that would allow him to realise how serious it can be. Much along the same lines as not talking to strangers on the street.

It's very difficult to know when to allow them to have that little extra space sometimes.

I have myspace, and so does my sister who is not 18 yet. She has had hers a while (I set up mine because of her!) but she is incredibly mature.

You don't say how old your kids are, but I'm guessing they're probably early teens.

First I would suggest getting your own account. Not behind their backs though. I would ask them how to set up an account (tell them one of your mates has it, even if you have to ask a mate to do that!) and you would like to have a go to keep in touch with that friend. Ask them to show you how to do it, even though it's pretty easy. Allowing them to help you will make them feel quite grown up.

Next, tell them you would love to add them as your friends. I have my partners daughter (aged 14) on my friends list, she thinks it's pretty cool actually!

There seem to be a lot of kids who have their parents on their friends list.

This way you can at least keep track of who their friends are, as you will have instant access to the entire list. You will also be able to read all the comments that come up on their page (like non-private messages), so you be able to work out what sort of relationships they have with those friends.

You can also see exactly how much info they are giving on their page. If they are being pretty guarded then you can be more sure they are being careful in messages. If they have added their school (bottom left of the page there is a box in which you can put company or school details) you could just explain the dangers of having their school entered there.

I would also (if you haven't already) explain how a predator works. Explain how they pretend to be a kid, how easy this can be to do, how they glean information from other kids etc. Make sure they are aware of the consequences of this.

Ask them never, ever to meet up with anybody. Tell them that if there is a new friend they would like to meet then you would like to know.

Tell them you trust them and their instincts, but for your own sanity (exaggerate if you must!) you would like to know the exact arrangements (always in a public place, and never to leave that place) and that you will come with them to make sure it is another child. Perhaps they can meet for coffee somewhere and you can drop them off, hang around in the shop over the road when you can see the cafe doors, and you will pick them up. Discuss arrangements that suit both of you.

The internet can never be wholly safe for kids, even on msn they can meet strangers. The simple way is when chatting to a mate that friend says "oh, so and so is online, shall I get them in to the conversation?", the friend is added to the chat, then added to the contacts list. Next time your child is online, they talk to this person they've never met, that person invites someone else to the conversation, etc, etc.

Before you know it their list consists of a friend of a friend of a friend ad infinitum. Each person is only ever added because of the trust your child had in the first friend!

Try to have the sort of relationship that they trust you, as well as you trust them. Just logging in behind their backs will be found out. You will probably find messages you do not like, that are from kids you know, but will not be able to keep quiet about! I.e., some kid tells them he/she tried smoking, got to "second base" with a bf/gf, etc.

If you lose their trust they will soon become much more secretive and learn to cover their tracks. Not being willing to tell you anything at all.

You will never know exactly what your kids are up to 24 hours a day, all you can do is try to make sure you have done your best to protect them, to explain to them and to gain the trust from them that will ensure they tell you enough about their lives to help you to trust them.

ps, One thing to note with myspace is that they probably have it set to show when they are online, you will soon get caught if their friends say, "oh, you were on myspace last night, but you didn't read my message?", or "you were on myspace last night, why didn't you sign in to msn too?"

Also, when you log in it tells you if you have new messages/comments etc. When you visit a different page, e.g. the messages pages, that note won't be there anymore. If no more messages are sent to them, your kids will soon become suspicious if they are no longer seeing that "you have x new messages!", "you have x new comments".

pps, Sorry this keeps getting even longer! The other thing is, where is the computer? If it's not somewhere where it can be seen when they are online then move it. You don't have to tell them this is the reason for moving it, I'm sure as a parent you can come up with any number of pretend reasons! Put it somewhere that it can be seen easily if you walk past it. Not so that the screen is directly facing the chair you always sit in! Just somewhere that you can get up for a drink and stop to chat.

If they hide pages from you they may just be embarrassed, because they could be talking about the guy/girl they fancy at the moment, so don't get too suspicious. You can ask them why they keep minimising the page or flicking to another. Tell them you won't be cross, you're just curious, smile, let them know they will never be in trouble because of this. If there is a predator then it is never the childs fault!

Answer 2

Well, that's not a very easy thing to do. If you know or can figure out their passwords you could check their messages. ON myspace, you can go to their page and look at who they have as friends and look at their comments without their password. I think that if you're going to allow them to be on these kind of sites you should set up their accounts for them with the understanding that you will be monitoring their activity. - that's what I did with my son. Also, my computer is in the family room, so if their on it, I can glance over at any time and see what they're doing without lurking over their shoulder. Predators are out there and look like everyone else, you have to talk to your children about this, that way you can trust them to make good decisions when you're not there.

Answer 3

pshh i wouldnt like that myspace is a place for friends i mostly know everyone on myspace from school or the city but if yo wanna be noseyyyy lol you can somehow when theyre not looking check the remember me box on sign in or when they leave their email open search for log in information because when you make a myspace they send all your info to your email orrr lol you can see their page by there url if you kno what I mean its the words at the address bar and you can see their comments,picture comments, and their profile if your stomped visit mines type it in at the address bar: myspace.com/alise2

Answer 4

well if their email is there, on the login page you just have to click "forget your password" and you just have to type in their email and myspace sends the password to the email... but you can only use that if they use a family email... if not then tell them to set their profile to "private" so that only people on their friends list can see their profile or talk to them. see ive had a myspace and im a teenager, i kept it secret from my parents for a while before they found out, but i told them i ALWAYS knew who i was talking to and never talked to strangers... tell your children to do the same

Answer 5

create your own account then just visit their myspace if ist not set to private you can go onto their profile and see their friends and their comments if they dont have them hidden i dont think there is any way to view who theytalk to with out them knowing besides that but try asking myspace go under FAQS and see if that answers your questions and if they dont then find the button that says contact myspace and send them a email and they should answer any of your questions

Answer 6

look at the search history for your comp and some myspace urls might come up..or get your own myspace and search for your childs name and see what it says on their myspace...if theyre young it will be private so to see it you will have to be their friend but i suggest pretending to be someone else so they dont act differently but reaalllyy what you should do is not let them have a myspace...too many ppl end up in really bad situations. be a father, let them know who is in charge

Answer 7

My Mom checks the history of the sites I go. I'm only 12 and I have a Friendster profile, kinda like Myspace, but safer, coz you would know who views your profile. My Mom has a profile so she checks mine. Kinda sucks at times. She just comes out and tells me what not to do. I don't know how she knows, but she knows. Try checking the sites where your kids go to. But be careful, they erase it sometimes, like I do.

Answer 8

It's difficult to go through getting a password, unless your child tells you what it is... You can always get parental control software...Go here for some reviews:

http://www.consumersearch.com/www/software/parental-control-software/

Answer 9

Watch over them and try to find their passwords.
Then check their friends profile to make sure that their friends are not pedofiles

Answer 10

if you dont like it, why dont u ban them from myspace? theres other websites that are similar to it but are way safer