Am i messing up as a parent?

Question

My 29 year old boyfriend insistes on spanking my 15 year old daughter as a last resort...is this inappropriate?

Answer 1

If he is insisting that you spank her...
I am not against spanking as a form of discipline, but 15 years old strikes me as a bit old to be doing that. You probably know your daughter better than he does, so you should be able to figure out what the best way of getting through to her is.

If he insists on spanking her himself...
I would say that is most inappropriate. Aside from him not being her father; my first inclination is that he is probably a little too close to her age to be spanking her. Are you sure that punishment/discipline is the only motivation behind his "insisting" on spanking her?

Answer 2

first of all why would you let your 29 year old boyfriend even touch your 15 year old daughter,and second stand behind your daughter all the time because you can always have another boy friend , but how many times are you going to have the same daughter, you need to sit down and talk to them both to find out what are the problems between them,because in any kind of relationship hitting is not the answer. how are they together when you are not around, are they at each others throats all the time or only when you are around, also how good is your relationship between you and your daughter as well as you and your boyfriend, are you sure nothing else is going on. either way talk to them both if not at the same time , one on one will have to do , write down everything that each one says about the other, and analyze your notes to see if they have some similarities then that way you can figure out what the problem is and save your relationship with your boyfriend and as well as your daughter, how ever keep your head up and if you are religious "pray"

Answer 3

do you really have to ask that? i think you know. of course its inappropriate. almost as inappropriate as having a 29 year old man in the house with a 15 year old girl. time to grow up and be a mother. spanking is appropriate in small amounts when kids are between 2-4 to get a childs attention. then this amazing thing happens where communication is born. no more need to spank, right? there is no such thing as 'spanking' a 15 year old. sounds like your home is a violent madhouse void of respect and communication. hes not her dad, correct? that means he is assaulting a minor. grow a spine, boot the jerk and teach your child how to behave properly.

Answer 4

Yes, that is totally inappropriate and is this boyfriend her father? if not, this dude has got more on his mind than spanking, 15yr olds do not get spanked for any reason whatsoever, he has no right at all to put his hands on her, also there are no last resorts, you live and learn, your daughter is going to go through a lot of changes during the next year or two, emotionally and physically. so hang on , it's going to be a bumpy ride. what she needs are parents to listen to her and to try to understand her mind, which is not easy. just try to have patience, help her grow peacefully. God Bless!!

Answer 5

I would think at 15 you might be able to find another alternative but I don't agree that your boyfriend is the person to be spanking a 15 year old young lady. Surely you are smart enough to see through this one.

If your daughter is 15 don;t you think you need to find boyfriend a little more age appropriate?

Answer 6

Of course it is Carol.Let me tell u what happen to me in the 70's.I was a teen and back then parents used the belt.Well he went to hitting me with his hand when I got to big for the belt.See I thought he hated me and I was so scare of him.This was my own dad.How could u even think spanking a 15 year old by someone that isn't even related to your daughter is ok.Only u are suppose to be making the punishments.He shouldn't say anything to her.He has no right to. I am still messed up by what happen to me when I was a child.Do u really want that for your own child?

Answer 7

YEP....I believe it is in appropriate. I think that by 15, there are a lot of other ways you can discipline your child in which the consequences are longer lasting and not physical. First off, no boyfriend should be disciplining YOUR child. He's not that old himself, what does he know about 15 year old girls anyway? Instead, try some of these things: taking away TV, phone, radio privledges. taking away favorite clothing/shoes. taking away 'spending time' with friends. also try have her writing sentences, apology letters, or special cleaning projects around the house, such as washing the windows, laundry etc. There are a TON of things you can do besides spanking....she's way too old for that.

Answer 8

at 15 years old she is WAY to old to be spanked, expeccialy by someone that is not her parent. take something away from her as a punishment, make her do extra chores, whatever, but spanking a 15 year old is weird, as well as a waste of time.

Answer 9

YES!! for one thing she's too old. Another is that it would be inappropriate for him and give her mixed signals about his intentions...especially these days. All she has to do is say something at school to a teacher and he can and will end up in jail. You will be called into school, or she will be taken away by cps. You do NOT let him do this. If he were her father, it might be a different story, but I consider 15 way too old to spank, hit, punch. thanks for your question.

Answer 10

yes especially since she is 15 there are only 14 yrs between them that isn't very long. He should take away privilidges first does she know that he is allowed to displine her if she doesn't that isn't fair.