More of a problem that question...bipolar & very unhappy with life>>>>>?

Question

I was diagnosed over a year ago with ADHD & Bipolar Disorder. I am on 4 different meds. I caused a lot of financial issues for me and my husband before I was diagnosed. I wrote checks knowing there wasn't money in the bank. I was a compulsive shopper. It made me high, like being on good drugs. Although, once I got home or down the road I would feel guilty and have at times taken things back where I got them. I had to go to court, community service & cold check class over these checks. I tried to hide it from my husband, but the sheriff showed up here 2 or 3 times and thats how he found out. They are all taken care of now. Today he recieved a letter from a credit card I had gotten in his name over a year ago and have been unable to pay the balance. They are going to garnish his checking account. He told me this "you know I could kill you". This is not the first time I have done this sort of thing. It is causing me to be even more depressed.

It is making me want to be dead or run away if that was possible. I have 2 children. I know he is angry with me for what I have done and I regret all of it, but I can't take any of it back it's already done. He has been a good husband to put up with my financial screw ups. We have been married for 9 years. I just wish I could not be so depressed. I used to not be this way. I have gotten to the point I don't like to leave the house. I don't want to talk to anyone. Any positive comments or someone who can shed some light on this, hopefully would make me feel better.

Thanks

I am still taking meds. I am afraid not to. My neurologist wants me to see a counselor, but she couldn't get me in until next month. :-(

Answer 1

What I do when I think I am getting manic is give my wallet and car keys to my husband so I can't do these things. Most married couples share financial control nowadays, but in your case, it may be wise to give your husband total control and have him give you cash only or some other arrangement so if you blow it, your family will only be out a couple of hundred bucks, and there will be no financial crime involved. That won't fix what happened in the past, but you have to sabotage your financial control, then when you are tempted, you CAN'T blow it again. I'm thinking there are banking products like preloaded visa cards that you prepay a certain amount & put it on the card so if you need a tow
or something, you can use that card, but you can't go over the limit. And maybe hubby can reload the card for you online so it's not such a hassle. It's embarrassing to admit you can't help your spending, but hey, there are other medical conditions that are just as embarrassing.

****I hope that you have apologized. (!!!!) Working with your husband on a plan on how you can't mess up no matter what would really help. You need to fix this as a team.*****

I went bankrupt because of bipolar disability (job loss) and overspending both (mostly the job loss, but spending made the bankruptcy more $$ than it had to be). I spent hundreds of dollars on fine jewelry, for example, even though I hardly ever wear any jewelry. Now I keep an excellently organized budget book and I have made saving money a hobby. Our finances are better than most, even though we are lower middle class. So it CAN be done, but it took me a few years to dig myself out of the hole. Good luck! Keep fussing with those meds, too.

Oh, and PS maybe it would help if you figured out something you can give up to help balance the budget. Maybe your family can sell one of your nice cars, and buy a cheaper, used ones? Cancel HBO? Get rid of the cell phones? Cancel collision insurance on an older car and just fix dings yourself? Stuff like that. I see so many people in financial trouble and they REFUSE to sell their new car and get a cheaper one, well, then I guess they don't want to dig themselves out of their hole, do they? (maybe you guys are low income,too and don't have these things so much, but I thot if you did, these are big ticket $$ that you can give up for a couple years and really save $$)

Answer 2

I'm bipolar too and had the same problem with bad checks. Anyway, Well first of all you should know that it isn't your fault. Second, your husband needs to be alerted also. The best thing to do is schedule alot of meetings with you PHD. Your husband should come along so you can tell him how you feel. The best thing to do in my opinion is get plenty of books on bipolar disorder.

One of the best ones I found was Bipolar Disorder Demystified. It is a compassionate and extremely helpful book about behavior, medication, and advice. You husband needs to be there for you, but he also will have to have alone time because it is hard to be with a bipolar person.

Medications. It is always hard to give suggestions a bout medications, but I have my favorites that I find others have lots of luck with. One WARNING; NEVER TAKE STIMULANTS!!! This is ADDERALL, RITIALIN, CYLERT, and other ones like this. They will give you horrible anxiety and depression after they stop working. Bipolar people should never take stimulants, even if they have ADD&ADHD. You also won't be able to sleep at night. While you are on them they will make you manic.

Effexor is awesome. It treats your depression and also anxiety. My anxiety is almost 0. Lamictal is a newer mood-stabilizing effective medication. It is the only one that has almost no side effects. It works on both depression and maina but mostly depression. Lithium is a classic, it is cheap and effective. But might leave you feeling like a zombie. That is the down side, feeling like a zombie.

With your finances and medications. If you aren't working you can get Medicaid. Your medications will be a few dollars each. Also, your Doc. visits won't cost alot either. You could also get your doctor to fill out Disability forms for you. Disability only gives you about $500 or so a month, maybe more but it is better than nothing. If you can/do work, fill out some FMLA papers with your job so that when you can't make it in somedays you won't get penalized for missing work.

Good luck and things will get better.

Answer 3

Try taking one of those heavy duty vitamin B complexes - usually called "Stress Formula|"

I think that most people would not have to be on their psychiatric medications if they took one of those a day|

They would be free of the horrible side effects, the mental illness, and live a free life|


For if you are diagnosed with a mental illness, and are on medication, you are automatically relegated to a sub-human status|

Notice how you are asked humiliating questions, once the doctor knows that you are diagnosed in such a way, that he would never dream of asking a "normal" patient because his human dignity is recognized|


A person with a mental illness has no right to romantic happiness, a decent job, decent housing, and a decent social life - something like the untouchable caste system in India|

They find all sorts of ways of penalizing you if you try|


Barbarianism has not disappeared, but has resurfaced in the high tech form|

There is no need for the stigma of so-called mental illness as we have to realize that it is just the fracturing of the psyche under some extreme stress| But what psychiatric "care" usually does is brutalize the person further rather than helping him|


Just good vitamin therapy and loving people should be able to heal that sort of thing|




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Answer 4

You need to remember that you have a disease which causes you to be compulsive. I realize you are on 4 meds, but perhaps it's not the correct combo if your behaviors still aren't curbed. You shouldn't still have a credit card that's being kept secret from your husband. You should be receiving counseling alone, and probably with your husband so that you can work through the dishonesty and get your marraige back o track.

Answer 5

I've known 2 bi-polar people and they did all the same stuff you mentioned. There's nothing you can do about the past but for the future, you gotta stay on your medicine. Both the people I knew were fine as long as they took their meds but for some reason they would stop and they really screwed up their lives.

Answer 6

I am the same way but have improved after going to therapy (by calling a number on the back of my insurance card). I have purchased a portable cd player and two meditation/relaxation cd's. I am combining these with a book called Total Life Prosperity (Lanson Ross, .50 copies on Amazon) which is helping me with my self-image and living.

Answer 7

I was diagnosed bipolar 5 years ago...I lost everything...what helped me most was writing everyday in my journal...no one saw it but me and I could blow up at everyone in there. Therapy was a huge help as well, remember, now that you are on meds, it does change you and you aren't sure how to be you again...keep up on the meds and keep pushing forward.

Answer 8

sort out the cause of the behavior

with a good therapist

remind your husband its only money

money is VERY important if there isn't any

if you have some you can safely ignore it I have found

at least mostly

for the Bipolar, try to relax, in any way you can, make a hobby out of it

walking, cooking, getting massages, going in saunas all helped me with my Bipolar symptoms very much.

Answer 9

Any kind of compulsive actions are usually the way a person deals with stress. Get to the root of the problem with support from docs, friends, and thearpy. dont let it take away your life

Answer 10

Take steps to rebuild confidence and savings...
Join a support group locally and/or online.