My 18 mo old is constantly hitting (esp when angry). Any ideas on how to solve this problem?

Question

My 18 mo old always hits when he's angry (and even when he's not angry). He hits everyone (i.e., mother/father, grandparents, daycare provider, other children, etc). It's very frustrating. I'm drawing a blank on how to treat this situation. I don't hit him back, because I believe that just continues the cycle of hitting and I don't want to raise my voice with him at every occurance. Any helpful hints?

Answer 1

We have always taught our kids "gentle touches" and we take the hitting hand and touch baby's and our face gently. It takes a lot of time and repetition but eventually our boys have learned to use their hands gently (most of the time).

Great tips from Dr. Sears:
2. Understand why toddlers bite and hit. What are simply socially- incorrect gestures in infants can, if unchecked, become aggressive behaviors in children. That's why you want to purge these from baby's repertoire before they become part of the growing child. Children become aggressive in order to release pent-up anger, to control a situation, to show power, or to protect their turf in a toy squabble. Some children even resort to obnoxious behavior in a desperate attempt to break through to distant parents.

Most aggressive toddler behaviors will lessen once the child is old enough to communicate by words instead of actions.

3. Consider the source. What triggers aggressive behaviors? Keep a journal (at least mental notes) identifying the correlation between how a child acts and the circumstances prompting the action. For example: "Kate bit Suzie during play group. Suzie had Kate's favorite ball. It was almost nap time. Lots of kids in a small place. Suzie is very bossy."

4. Child hurts parent. Face-slapping is a socially-incorrect gesture babies experiment with. Redirect the slapper into a socially-acceptable alternative: "Give me five." Likewise, redirect nipping: "No biting, ouchie, hurts Mama! (put on your unhappy face); then redirect the behavior: "Hug mama. That's nice!" (smile and hug back). Once your child's face-slapping becomes an expression of frustration (for example, the toddler in your arms becomes angry and hits you because you won't let her have candy), you'll have to show her the natural consequence. Firmly but calmly announce "You may not hit" and put her down. She'll still be angry about the candy, so you can verbalize that for her. Do not allow your toddler to use you as a punching bag. Give her the message that you will not let her hurt you. If you don't allow your child to hurt you when he's very young, he will be less likely to let others hurt him when he's older. You will be modeling to him how to say "no" to being hit, for example, by holding up a hand to stop the blow but not hit back.

Answer 2

I have a 18 month old as well with a similar problem. I think your right about not hitting him back, some people are to quick to take their own frustrations out on their kids that way! What seems to work for me is to get down face to face with my son, hold his hands and look him in the eye and tell him NO, in a strong but calm voice.! It of course is very repetitive, but at this age it's all you can really do! Good Luck

Answer 3

My kids did the same thing..but, I did hit them back. I gave them a little slap in the same place as they hit me. Not enough to harm them but hard enough that they know how it feels. It's a stage of learning. How are they to know that it hurts if they never had it done to them? When they slap you..you do it right back and when they cry you just explain "yes thats hurts,it's not nice.If you don't hit me then I won;t hit you." They have to learn somehow..how it feels. Same with biting. My kids bit me and I bit them back and they cried and they learned that it does not feel good. Also give a time out with it so they have to think about it. They will learn really fast, I did it to my kids,my Mom did it to me,her Mom did it to her..she had 13 kids!!! All kids grew up knowing right from wrong. Listen to the gradparents! haha they had it down. Look at the socity of our generation and look at theres. See the difference? All the books and doctors and specialist saying NO! BAD! NEVER SPANK A CHILD! Okay sence they have been saying this..look how many kids are thrown into the system because they do not behave. Therse nothing wrong with TEACHING your child what feels good and what hurts. 18 months old is old enough to tell you when there are mad at you for something instead on hitting you. In there own words of course.

Answer 4

You are doing the right thing by not hitting him back. When he hits you, take both of his wrists, put his arms down at his sides and gently hold them there and in a strong, firm voice, say "NO, we don't hit." Then put him in time out for a minute or two. He'll probably try to get out of time-out, just keep putting him back there. You could also try taking away a favorite toy and tell him it got taken away because he was hitting, don't take it away forever though. He is hitting because he isn't effective at communicating his feelings yet, but he still has to learn that hitting is not appropriate. Maybe you could give him a few words to use when he's frustrated or mad to help him convey his feelings without hitting. My daughter was never a hitter but she did used to get so angry she'd throw massive tantrums and scream at me. I would make her count. Even if it was in the store, I'd make her sit right down on the floor and count. As she got older she had to count higher. It really worked to calm her down. One time she was being horrible in the store and I made her sit down and count to ten in English and in German, by the time she was done she was nice and calm.

Answer 5

Time for some empathy training?? When he hits, say oww and act hurt. Then turn your back and walk away from him or just put him down and say no hitting. Don't talk to him for 2-3 minutes. I know it sounds weird, but he doesn't understand the effect his hitting has on people. Doing something like this will help teach him some empathy. It also shows him that his actions have real effects on people. It may also have the bonus of showing him that you don't have to respond with physical violence just because someone hit you. You are modelling the appropriate response for him.

Answer 6

Put him in a time out corner and explain he is not to hit or he will get time out. This may work after a few times maybe longer if he is stubborn. After you see it working, you can try counting to 3 with him if it occurs, giving him time to calm down before getting timed out. So he hits one time, you say "No hitting." Then when you see him getting ready to do it again, remind him and start counting to 3 to give him time to stop. If he doesn't stop, then put him in time out and tell him it's because he didn't stop hitting when you said not to. You have to be consistent and patient but within reason. This really needs to be stopped. You don't have to raise your voice, just persist with the time outs and it should get better soon.

Answer 7

I'm sorry but u need to raise Ur voice at every occurrence. Let him know what he is doing hurts the people he loves. and that mommy does not approve. and then a 2 min time out. it will take time but if u are persistent he will get the picture

Answer 8

i know that he is only 18 months old and your right not to hit him back. @ school we tell them that we only kick balls and if you wont to kick go kick a ball. when he hits tell him that we dont hit our friends,mom,dad,etc... if he has a fav. blanket or toy tell him that if he hits again that it will be took away. for a little while till he can make good choices. when he does these things tell him that he is making bad choices. when you are telling him all of this get down on his level. eye to eye. if he tryes to look away hold your hands beside his face so he cant look around. you dont have to do it hard. hope this works good luck.

Answer 9

At this stage - redirecting behavior and rewarding good behavior is important. Say no and stop the hitting, but redirect him to some toy or activity he likes immediately. Praise him when he does not hit and exhibits good behavior. Do not hit him.

Answer 10

do what it takes you have to raise your voice at him and a light tap on the hand. get in his face make sure he's looking into your eyes and tell him it's wrong