be honest...?

Question

do you favor one of your kids over the others? I hate to admit it, and I need to change but I favor my oldest son Jake over my other two. Maybe since he's my first, he's been my "bubba" since he was born, and I feel like I've always secretly liked him best

actually I'm the mom... someone made a comment about "dad"

Answer 1

I'm not a mother yet (however, I am 7 weeks pregnant) but I think it is not right to favor one child over another.

I am a nanny for 3-year old triplets ( a girl and 2 boys). Their mother favors one of the boys over the other 2, and it is clear as day! The other 2 kids feel the favoritism, and act out as their response to it. It's not fair to them! This can also have significant effects on a child when they are older.

Answer 2

You know, everyone says how it's "not right and not fair" to favor one child over the other...and although that's somewhat true, favoring DOES happen, and it's quite common in families. Although here's the thing, if you have feelings like you have a "favorite" or maybe you just feel closer or more connected to one certain child, don't EVER show it! Don't let the kids know this and don't ever act on those feelings. Treat them all equally and with the respect they deserve. I'm not saying YOU don't, I'm just saying in general...

My parents picked favorites. There was me and my sister (I'm the oldest, we're 2 1/2 years apart). And it was no secret who their favorites were. I was a total daddy's girl (my mom resented me from birth, and she still does. She abused me as a child and teen), and my sister was a total mama's girl. My sister and I saw this and knew it...but it didn't stop us from being close with each other, thank god. We always got along very well...it could have been the opposite, but thankfully it actually made us closer to know we had to stick together and help each other out. However, I've seen many other families get torn apart by favoritism.

I have my 1 year old daughter and then my 14 year old stepdaughter...and while I DO NOT have a favorite, I DO treat them differently (for many reasons...they're age difference being a main reason) and I will admit that I love them differently. I think all parents love all their kids differently though...each child IS different. But I adore both of my girls...I'm very close with my daughter, but also very close with my stepdaughter and I treat her as my own child. I feel very blessed to have my two girls in my life. =)

Answer 3

I favor all of them at different times. I favor the oldest because I was a single mom til she was 5 and we went through hell together, I favor the middle child because he is so sweet and laid back and sometimes gets pushed into the background, and I favor the youngest because he is the last baby I'll ever have, he's funny and a real momma's boy. Just be aware of how you come off to the other kids and try as hard as you can to make your love and attention equal. Good Luck.

Answer 4

That is a brutally honest question. I love all of my kids the same, but I do like some more than others at times. It is never a constant single child that is revered above the rest. The way I look at it is that each of them is a different, unique individual and it would be impossible for me to not favor a specific type of behavior or personality. It is natural. When my kids accuse me of favoritism (all of them do once in a while) I remind them what makes them special to me as an individual. I also remind them that at different ages come different responsibilities and special rewards tailored to their own ages. For the older ones that means that they have already been through the stage where they need moms attention all the time and they get more freedom to go to friends houses and be alone. For my 6 year old that means she gets more attention from me, but gets less freedom to go places alone. It levels out when they realize how good they all have it.

Answer 5

My sons are 7 years apart. Sad to say that I do favor my youngest, my oldest is not at home anymore and the youngest was a miracle. I had my tubes tided and was not to have anymore. I remarried and ended up pregnant. So I guess he is my favorite. I do not or never have treated my oldest son bad though. I waited 7 years to have him after I got married the first time. We wanted him and planned for him a long time.

Answer 6

I don't think I actually like one of mine better than the other, because they are so different. I have a 5 year old son and a 2 year old daughter. I love them both to death, but I like them both for totally different reasons. If you actually sit down and think about the different characteristics each of you children have you may be surprised to realize you may not actually favor one over the other. Some kids are easier to love than others. If you are struggling with this just make sure it isn't apparent to your children.

Answer 7

OK , well I do favor my son he is 2.5 years old and is the apple of my eye he hardly can do any wrong, daddy sees this , I do baby him he is my baby ya know, My daughter is 3.5 and I am strict on her and do not have as strong of a connection to her yet Daddy does! so its pretty balanced. So what I have a Mommy's boy and daddy's girl, I am sure we all love each other bunches . Mine is bubba also.

Answer 8

I only have one child so I can't answer from experience, but I have heard from friends who have more than 1 that it is natural to feel you "favor" one child over the other(s). What really matters are your actions. It is your job for your children to never feel any favoritism. And, as your kids grow and change, you may feel more drawn to each of them in their own ways.

Answer 9

My "babies" are 19(son) and 24(daughter). My daughter told me the other day (which was confirmed by her husband) that I am probably the only mother who says I love my children the same and really mean it. What I tell them and anybody who will listen, is "I love both my children equally but for different reasons"

Answer 10

Don't have kids yet but I'll most likely favor my sons over the girls so it'll be hard to get used to having to be equally nice to both sons and daughters because my religion dictates that.