Joke - What have you done to get to heaven?

Question

A Manchester United dies on match day and goes to heaven wearing his Manchester United shirt.
He knocks on the pearly gates and out walks St. Peter.
St. Peter says, "Sorry no Manchester Utd., fans allowed in Heaven."
Astounded, the Manchester Utd., fan says, "But I've been a good man!"
St. Peter says, "Oh really?" What have you done?"
The Mancheter Utd., fan says, "Three weeks ago before I died, I gave £10 to Save The Children."
St. Peter says, "Hmm. Anything else?"
The Manchester Utd., fan says, "Two weeks before I died, I gave £10 to the homeless."
St. Peter says, "Hmm. Anything else?"
The Manchester Utd., fan says, "A week before I died, I gave £10 to the Albanian orphans."
St.Peter says, "Very well. Wait here a minute while I have a word with the boss."
Two minutes later, St. Peter returns.
He says, "I've had a word with God and he agrees with me...Here's your £30 back; now p*ss off.

Answer 1

I like it fidgety.Now I'll give you 10 good reasons why football is better than sex.
1-Balls are always checked for firmness.
2-Periods only last for 45 minutes.
3-Parents cheer when you score.
4-Football is a legal profession.
5-Protective equipment can be washed and reused.
6-Size doesn't matter.
7-If you get too rough you get a red card.
8-You can score using your head or your feet.
9-It lasts a full 90 minutes.
10- You can juggle your balls in front of your mother.

Answer 2

How do you confuse a Man utd Fan?

Ask him the way to Manchester!

Answer 3

Not a footy fan but good joke!!

Answer 4

kinda funny

Answer 5

Not Funny at all... quite boring

Answer 6

Not bad, it raised a chuckle!

Answer 7

cruel but funny

Answer 8

Oh well done..I like it..I really like it!

Answer 9

Very good I know a couple of cockney reds who are getting it today. Thanks

Answer 10

Funny !!!