Advise me on difficult family issue?

Question

I caught a member of my family being inappropriate with a child. I turned him into the police. Now everyone in my family wont speak to me. They all think Im lying, crazy, on drugs, made it up, ect. I moved away because I couldn't deal with all the rejection. It has been 8 months. The person I turned in was not charged, apparently the police didnt believe me either. I really believe what I saw was real, and I didn't make a mistake. I don't know what to do, I have heard all kinds of rumors that this person has started about me, and they are very hurtfull and vicious. I have not even tried to defend myself. I did confront this person before turning them in. It was that conversation that led me to realize the police were my only option. I love my family, and I dont want this to ruin the relationships I have with them, it already has; but is there anything I can do to fix it?

Answer 1

If you saw a child being molested, you were absolutely right to tell the police. I'm not surprised that nothing was done; that's why so much molestation continues to occur. It would help to know what the person said or did when you confronted him. If everyone had the courage to report these crimes, it would be a better world. Apparently your family is not as courageous. Sometimes it is necessary to distance yourself from those who do not support you when you're doing something good. I'm not sure you can repair the relationship but one thing you can do. You can KNOW that you are not the one who caused the rift. It's your family's problem. Shame on them.

Answer 2

I am sorry that your family has decided to not believe you and in turn make up lies about you. It is sad when people that you are brought up to believe will always be there for you turn their backs on you. The saying is true, you can pick your friends, but not your family. If that were the case, I think there would be a lot of returns and refunds expected by many of us :D.

I don't understand why your family would feel the need to take any side. They can choose who they want to believe, but it shouldn't have anything to do with your separate relationships with other family members. I will never understand why people can't separate certain feelings/facts from others.

You did the right thing and if no one else wants to stand behind you, then that is their problem. I know it hurts when you feel like you lost your family over something that you didn't even do and you were trying to protect an innocent child.

I am going through something similar, except I didn't turn the person into the police. I am the only one that does not want this person in my life, everyone else, although they believe what happened, they just act like it is in the past and won't acknowledge anything to him.

I wish you the best and hope you don't get hurt anymore by the lies that are being said etc. You did a good thing, so when you are feeling down, try to remember that.

Answer 3

Child Molesting--You Can Protect Your Child
- The First Line of Defense
- Talk to Your Child About the Danger
- Follow Their Instincts - How Can We Tell Them?
- The "What if ... ?" Game - Give Them the Words
- Alert But Balanced
http://watchtower.org/library/g/1985/1/22/article_01.htm

Protect Your Children!
- Your Child Is in Danger!
- How Can We Protect Our Children?
- Prevention in the Home
- Common Misconceptions
> If Your Child Is Abused <
http://watchtower.org/library/g/1993/10/8a/article_01.htm

The Problems of Children ... :
- An Ongoing Search for Solutions
- Children Deserve to be Wanted and Loved
- The Solution at Last! - Help for Young People
- The UN Declaration of the Rights of the Child
http://watchtower.org/library/g/2000/12/8/article_01.htm

Advanced Search (can be used to find future-modified URLs)
http://watchtower.org/search/search_e.htm

This is Such an Emotional issue. Sharing some of the articles I've posted with those you'd like to repair your relationships with, might help to avoid more confrontational experiences with them.

If you are Absolutely Sure of what you saw, there is No need to apologize to 'That person'! But, maybe an apology regarding how you handled the situation might show your sincerity to the others, so they'd be more likely to listen.

Should I Apologize? :
- Why Is It So Hard to Apologize?
> Apologizing--A Key to Making Peace
http://watchtower.org/library/w/2002/11/1/article_01.htm

When a person goes on the defensive, it's often an attempt to hide something ...

Should You Believe Everything You Hear? :
- Propaganda Can Be Deadly
- The Manipulation of Information
http://watchtower.org/e/20000622/article_01.htm

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Answer 4

Unfortunatelly, this is life! Sucks, don't it? Stand firm on what you saw, and be ready to testify again. Sqad thing is he'll do it again, and the child, or another child will suffer again, but you'll be validated sooner or later. You did the right thiong, don't beat yourself up for it. And when confrunted just ask a simple question, would you want me to lie and protect the victimizer instead of the child? I saw what I saw ande I stand by it, and that's all. They'll come around. If they don't they will have to live with a guilty conscience, and thank God that won't be you. They will stand corrected sooner or later. The dude will crack again. This is a very serious problem he's got and he won't be able to keep himself from doing that again. It's an obsession and because he got away with it the first time he'll have a greater need to repeat the behaviour, because it gives him a rush and false sense of power that he will be able to get away with it again.
I hope they catch the SOB and put him away. If I had my way I'd hang these people, one by one.
Anyhoo... congratulations and if you ever seek a social worker to help you with this case, I think you'll have more success than going straight through the court. Arm yourself with people and realtions that will help you prove the SOB guilty. Fight, sistah fight! It's a child after all, and that child doesn't deserve to take all this crap from the perp.

Answer 5

This is very sad, but it often happens that other members of the family side with the abuser
The police probably believed you, but it takes more than that to win a criminal case. If there obviously isn't enough evidence for a trial, the DA's office won't file charges.
If there is anybody in your family who might believe you, go ahead and try, especially if they have children.
But, if and when you have your own children, don't ever leave them in the care of any family member who didn't believe you. You would be putting your own children at risk.
And for now, make some new friends.

Answer 6

You know I think this sh--has gone on forever and people just swept it under the rug. They think that when this happens to a kid, it wont hurt them emotionally, because it happened to someone they knew or to themselves. Its a pretty embarassing thing to a family. But it happened to me as a kid and I told my Mom. She made sure I wasn't alone with that family member again. I don't even know if she told anyone or said anything to him. He was probably 12 and I was 4-5yrs old.
Surely everyone will be watching him now that this has been 'spread around'. Good for you and don't ever feel bad about telling. These guys need to be watched. You know what they say, it probably happened to him when he was young to. Why do these people continue to screw up other peoples lives? They need to break that circle! Hey, get on that Dr. Phil website, I'm sure he can tell you somethng so you'll feel better.

Answer 7

You did the right thing, you know what you saw and you should not have to defend yourself to any family member. You could approach those family members that apparently have decided you are wrong and tell them that you know what you saw, whether they choose to believe you or him/her is up to them that you'll not apologize for turning them in but would like to continue your relationship with each of them and obviously further discussion of this topic with you (them) will not happen. I feel for you. Whoever this person is (the perpetrator) will strike again, I just hope that they will again be caught! Hang in there sweety!

Answer 8

That person will probably do it again and probably has in the past. The only way for your family to believe you is when a child tells a judge what happened. So you can either forget about it and hope it doesn't get any worse or find a child that can tell what happened.

Answer 9

First of all good for you for trying to protect a child. All you can do is stick to your story and the hell with all the rest of them if they don't believe you. You can always ask the police about the situation you reported to see if they will tell you why nothing happend. Or contact the kids parents and find out what you can. Try to feel good about the fact you probably save a young kid from going through hell.

Answer 10

I don't no about advice but its true it seems like all people want to do is help and get crapped But remember you did what was right what would have happened if you did not say anything maybe you stopped some thing that could have got worse huh.I m think on that note would you not do it again?