I am a big self doubter and very sensitive. I do not often go after girls for fear of rejection. I end up only dating girls who go after me. Every serious relationship has gone the same way. She goes after me. She later expects me to be a man but my being a man is not how the relationship began. She ends up dumping me. OR I only date/get close to the big flirts who end up being fickle and breaking my heart. I feel so guilty goin after some girl I like. If she isn’t obviously interested I figure she is annoyed with me and I bug out. It might have come from: my parents telling me its okay for the neighbor girl to beat me up and I don't need to fight back; or the barrage of criticism I received as a child from a parent and then all of my close friends who treated me like crap because my weakness allowed this. I have been working on my crap for years through counseling, good friendships, dating, prayer, spiritual growth, ....etc.... Its easy to tell me to grow a set but how do I do that?
2007-02-15 07:27:37 · 12 answers · asked by lend322 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Nothing is easy. When you start you life with parents who do not give you confidence you have to develop it on your own. I went the other way. I decided that I had to take care of myself since no one really took care of me and I gained confidence in each success.
You can do that too. First of all, stop looking so hard for a girlfriend. Instead, look for a female friend. Once you become friends with a girl that you feel could be more than a friend, then you can ask her out. Since you will already know her and have a good idea as to how she feels about you, it will be easy to transition into dating.
Also, since she will already know you as a friend, she will know how you are as a man. She will not be so quick to expect you to change. That will help as well. Be prepared though, even my wife expected me to change in some ways. I told her outright what I was willing to change or not change and we worked it out.
Do not try to be anything that you are not. If you are not a macho man so be it. I know I am not and I do not want to be a macho man. Just be yourself.
As far as developing confidence, just take small steps. Try something that you think you can do and do it. You will feel better by your success. Then try something a little harder. Make sure you don't try to push yourself too hard or too far. You want to feel good about yourself and not let down. Each success will help you feel better about yourself.
Do not expect to feel fully self confident. You may never feel that confident, but you can certainly try. Always remember that the goal is to gain confidence, not to tackle the impossible. It is easy to say I cannot climb Mount Everest. It is more difficult to say I cannot walk to the end of my driveway.
Take care,
Troy
2007-02-15 07:44:23 · answer #1 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When you get a bit older, your parents won't matter as much and some things that were like they are now will be gone. Also, older women REALLY love sensitivity in a man! I know because I am one. Young girls in high school or even early 20s are not yet done with their fun if you know what I mean. They still have wild oats to sew. You sound like a great guy and someday when you meet that woman, you'll know, it will just happen and you'll barely remember any of this or why it mattered. So have fun, Remember, you only live once, you are only in HS once and trust me, you won't know any of them after you graduate and even if you do you see them you wont recognize them. This is only a small percentage of your life that you have left. Any girl who sees the real you is the only one you should be concerned with anyway. I think you sound like you will make a girl happy one day. As for your parents, maybe you need to sit them down and tell them how you feel. I mean REALLY let them have it. It may be ugly, but in the end it will be better. You will also feel stronger after that. Also, most of those "tough guys" or really all talk. If anyone ever treats you like crap they are not your friends, but if you do nothing about it, it won't help. Make a scene about it, let them know it p...s you off! Then dump them! YOU HAVE TO STAND FOR SOMETHING OR YOU WILL FALL FOR ANYTHING. Don't worry about tomorrow, God is already there. I hope this helped!
2007-02-15 15:49:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't need to be a tough person to find a person to date. Actually a lot of girls would love a guy who is sensitive. Accept what has happened to you and discuss it with your pastor or counsellor when you need to, but to find a girl that is right for you you need to know what you are looking for in a girlfriend. Try to join groups where there will be females that you can get to know slowly and take it from there (reading groups at the local book store, athletic groups (volleyball is really fun). You will feel more comfortable within groups of both sexes and it will be fun, then you could casually ask if a girl who seems interesting would like to grab a coffee after the meeting/game. If you take it slowly it will happen naturally. Good luck and God Bless.
2007-02-15 15:37:05 · answer #3 · answered by tersey562 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it would help a lot to know your age. But I understand that that u are not in your teens, if u are and I was wrong .....give it some more time ....if u'r not ...well ....and u said that u went already through counseling....well...try to find a girl that u realy like ..and the ONLY thing THE ONLY thing that u should know is that if u like her ...simply LET HER Know .....u said u went on dates ...so that is not a problem ..right ? ...so take her on a date ...and sipmply tell her ..that u like her ...maybe it's more than that ....so ..again ..TEll her ...and u'll see she will apreciate. be onest with her. tell her from the start taht u are shy ...tell her EVERYTHING
2007-02-15 15:38:29 · answer #4 · answered by Sengrath 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get over it if you like a girl then talk to her most girls wont just come up to you. where's the fun in that. And if the girl wnats you to be a man be a man.
2007-02-15 15:33:16 · answer #5 · answered by kingjoker54 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
look in the glass and tell yourself "I am the best".Sometimes girls that you like may like you but they are waiting for you to approach them.Get a friend to tell a girl that you like that you have told him alot of things about her, how much you admire her and like her style if the girl really likes you, you will know cause she will smile at you when she sees you.and then you should approach her
2007-02-15 15:35:06 · answer #6 · answered by cream 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well self doubter I doubt you will ever get over it.
I didn't read your long a s s question.
2007-02-15 15:32:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Excersise take care of your body and find something constructive to do with your time.Love will find it's way to you.Stop stressing.
2007-02-15 15:33:22 · answer #8 · answered by Student 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lets face it your never going to find a girl....just give up.
2007-02-15 15:31:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
By having confidence in yourself that you can achieve anything in life.
2007-02-15 15:32:35 · answer #10 · answered by babygirl31 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋