I have an adult sibling (33) who has offensive personal habits, worse table manners and is appaulingly self-centered.
He often smells dirty, eats food with his mouth open, ravaging everything on the table like a starving man while spilling food all over himself, the table and the floor. Furthermore, after a meal he's likely to go "crash" on the couch, mouth open and snoring loudly for several hours. This makes it difficult for anyone who'd like to enjoy the family room because he occupies so much space and is frankly offputting.
As a guest in our home, you'd think he'd use common sense and manners but instead he thinks everything should revolve around him. (He'll dictate what types of food he wants, ask us to take him to run errands, since he has no car, etc)
He wasn't raised like this -- we were taught manners. Our family has tried to talk to him about his habits but he flys into a rage.
Does anyone have suggestions on how to resolve these issues? We need help!
2007-02-15 07:05:02 · 9 answers · asked by Corey D 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I should mention that my brother doesn't live with us (yet). He bounces from friend to friend, sharing an apartment until they either get sick of him and kick him out or he finds somewhere else to go.
We usually only see or hear from him when it's a holiday or he needs something.
Right now he has a health issue and may need to move in with my mom until it's resolved becuase it probably would require that he cease working for a while. The reason I mention this is due to wanting to find the best way to resolve these issues before it becomes a real problem for my mom.
There was no "catalyst" event that caused him to act this way -- he's always been a slob and insensitive to the needs/desires of his family. He thinks that everyone else has a problem and that he's "normal".
His personal habits and the other issues make it very difficult to enjoy being around him. While he isn't physically abusive, he's behavior when confronted is radical and over the top.
2007-02-15 07:24:44 · update #1
Lastly -- my brother is very manipulative. He'll cajole or trick someone into doing what he wants by acting like it shouldn't be any big inconvenience, thereby making the person who has to be "put out" feel like a jerk for protesting to his requests.
2007-02-15 07:31:16 · update #2
When we don't comply with his demands, he becomes petulant and demands to be taken somewhere else. We don't like to make him upset because we don't see that very much of him to begin with.
2007-02-16 01:11:35 · update #3
You need professional help and your relative needs referral to a psychiatrist for a psychiatric evaluation. The behavior you are describing is that of someone who is mentally ill.
Since he depends on the family for his home and living, I suggest that some tough love needs to be applied here, and he be told that he has to go in to the doctor for a physical work-up and a referal to a psychiatrist. And that if he will not go along with that, he has to move out.
Have someone make the appointment for him and be firm: he goes to the doctor and accepts a referral to the psychiatrist, or he moves out. If he refuses to go, get the police to help with evicting him.
Don't let this continue. You might enquire with your own doctor about mental health resources that are available to you. There is no doubt in my mind that your sibling needs a psyche evaluation and the sooner the better.
Good luck.
2007-02-15 07:13:36 · answer #1 · answered by Karin C 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Seems like your brother need lessons in manners! Don't cater to him. Ususally when you enable someone to do things, they will take full advantage of it. I don't really know how you could stop him from being a slob, but as far as doing things that he expects you to do, you have control over that. Just don't do it. You and your mom need to just put your foot down and refuse to let him run all over you. Because he can't physically make you cater to his every need. I say about the medical thing, yeah, he might have to be a burden for a little while, but when he is able to be on his own again, I would just show lots of tough love and not enable him to take take take. I hope this helps and good luck! Sounds like you may need lots of that!
2007-02-15 08:57:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
From what I can see, this man has something bothering him. If you are telling the truth by saying that he was taught his manners, then something must have occurred, thus leading to irritation. I think that professional help is needed in a situation such as this one. This man needs to be observed, and those observations should be analyzed to decipher what may be wrong with him. Do you have any idea of what could of happened? What is the reason for him living in your home? Did something terrible arise in his life that has giving him the option to live with you. overall, professional attention is needed, or try to have a talk with him, but be as calm as possible. drill him for information. I wish you the best.
2007-02-15 07:14:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is taking you all for a ride, and sadly it sounds like you are allowing him too. Unless he has some legitimate mental health issue, where he can go to a facility that can help him, you need to tell him you love him, but its time to grow up and show him the door. Dont let it be open for discussion, get all his stuff out of your house. Even a toothbrush of his in your house he can claim that is his residence and you will be forced to go thru an eviction procedure to get him out. He knows exactly what hes doing. My other suggestion is take a trip to the hardware store and get your locks changed, mom's too. Good luck.
2007-02-15 10:03:11 · answer #4 · answered by Val 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow sounds like he's a bit of a pain in the butt. If he goes into rages when you try to confront him then it sounds like he's in denial. Try sitting him down and calmly explaining to him you problem. If he doesnt listen I don't think theres anything you can do except for asking him to leave.
2007-02-15 07:16:14 · answer #5 · answered by Naru 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
personally, those kind of habits would drive me up the wall and i would probably end up saying or doing something i regretted. good for you for trying to fix it now!
i would say the best thing to do is confront it with him. if he is rude or doesn't want to listen, i would tell him that he either follows a few basic ground rules in your house or he is not welcome. yes its a little mean, but it is your house and you reserve the right to say yes or no to such crude behavior.
i don't think his behavior is acceptable
2007-02-15 08:57:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well i would say that in our home we do not sleep or nap on the couches because it will ruin them but if you like you may use the guest bed or nap in our bed. when my boyfriend parents son in law comes to visit with my boyfriends sister he takes a nap in my boyfriends parent bed this leave s the living room free for other to enjoy when it comes to what you are having for a mea l i would tell him that this is what i am cooking if you do not like it call out and if he want to run somewhere tell him when you or someone in your house hold is going somewhere he may go with them
the body order part i would pull him aside and tell him he smell and he need to bath more
good luck
2007-02-15 07:26:58 · answer #7 · answered by ~*big mama *~ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Geeezzz you describe a Liberal to the tee. You and other family members is there are any, need to speak up. Sit down with the person, and let them know how you feel about how they live and are. Ask them to change their ways because they are offensive. Just do it tactfully. If they get angry then they are not going to change, but what ever you do stand your ground and do not allow yourself to be bullied.
2007-02-15 07:15:23 · answer #8 · answered by Dave 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You must confront him and tell him his behavior is unacceptable if he continues to come over, otherwise it's bye-bye time...
2007-02-15 07:13:15 · answer #9 · answered by ropemancometh 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋