Ok I've been in this relationship for 3 years we just had are first baby. I know he loves me and I love him to death I'd do anything for him. I am ready to get married and we've talked about it and he even calls me his wife but when I want to look at rings he like freaks out and says that marriage is just a piece of paper. What does this mean?? What do I do???
2007-02-15 06:40:39 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
We did talk about marriage before we had our baby,
2007-02-15 06:55:40 · update #1
Not ready to get engaged even if it is a long engagement? Just a piece of paper? Hmmm.......
A man with a family, is commited and loves his other wants and is forced to look at everything. It happens in every mans life where he takes the long view and decides what is truly important. Obviously he is not so deep.
He calls you his wife so he gets the appearance and all of the even emotional benefits of being married but without commitment. So you are good enough to be with and not good enough to marry? Well why should he as he gets to stay "single" and be the man who doesn't have to commit. Why is marriage such a big issue...... well then there would be paper and rings he would have to face up to real life and not holding on to being a child.
It's just a piece of paper. Well if that is the case why just not do it if it makes you happy? It would appear that he just is holding out for the possibility for something better. I know you don't want to hear it but you have a tough road ahead. If he cannot handle this how would things be down the road when pressures of providing for a family rear their head? Say you were sick and in the hospital do you think you could rely on him?
You need to either force the issue and or/leave him and see what happens. Either he steps up to the plate or you will have the opportunity to meet a guy who cares for you, loves you and is future minded...... regardless. Someone that you know that you can rely on and has a bit of maturity.
2007-02-15 07:11:24 · answer #1 · answered by jackson 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you two can start with a promise ring and go from there.... I think that once you get married, your relationship is not going to be the same no more.... Just leave it like that and when time is right he will get you that ring you been waiting for.... Every guy in my opinion is scared of a committment..... I think that it is true what he said too... it is only a piece of paper..... i think that it is really more easy to break up if things dont work out then it is to get divorce.... good luck.... three years is a long time but you both need to work something out so that you both have a understanding.... no one can tell you what you want to do.... good luck
2007-02-15 14:48:26 · answer #2 · answered by molly_tony 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Um...like the marriage should have come before the baby.
Now that you have one, marriage will be for the protection and welfare of your child. Marriage takes commitment but marriage by itself does not create it. He was committed enough to hasve a child with you then he should be committed enough to marry you.
The "ring thing" may be freaking him out because of the cost, but, on the other hand, he isp orbably already freaked out by the idea of permanently settling down...which should have been on his mind before he created a new life.
Right onwe, the most important thing now is that your child needs an involved mother and father. Marriage will not guarantee that involvement, but it is a pretty good sign that he is willing to make a commitment for his child.
*****
Hey, "Experts" here. This is not about milk or cows. It is about doing what is best for the child.
2007-02-15 14:48:51 · answer #3 · answered by DrRJP 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know I am a female and this might be better coming from a guy. But as a female. I feel the same way. I don't want to get married. but then again i do. If i could get married and not have to sign anything...then id do it right this second..but considering thats not possible. I would just rather be in a relationship. It is just a piece of paper and thats how i feel about it. I like my last name. and i dont want to change it for any reason.
Can i also add that most of us who dont want to get married are mostly just afraid of failing and divorce. Thats me. I dont believe in divorce so its easier to just stay bf and gf.
You'll know when the time is right. if you love him dont push him. he'll come around
2007-02-15 14:46:29 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He is probably scared... Is it only when you look at rings? Some men feel less than manly if they cannot give their wives the nicest things, and he probably wants to avoid the whole thing by not getting married. Maybe you should sit down with him and talk about it. Dont force him, just ask him to talk about it with you. About marriage, about your relationship, everything. Remind him that you love him, and you know he loves you.
2007-02-15 14:44:57 · answer #5 · answered by Mr. Goodkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why did you have the baby before the wedding?I am not judging you at all but why are you and other young ladies having the babies and then ask for the marriage?Please don't have another child until you are able to share the experience with a good man who respects you enough to make you his wife.Regardless to what we say we all want to be looked upon with respect and women who continue to have children out of wedlock are looked upon as stupid by society.Plenty of "US", make these same mistakes but we should learn from the first.He's not going to marry you it seems and he doesn't respect you enough to marry you because it's the right thing to do.Don't have another baby until you get all that you want and need in your next relationship,because you surely can't remain with a man who will not marry you.
2007-02-15 14:49:22 · answer #6 · answered by punkin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he freaks out coz he's scared of commitment but won't admit it.. marriage is the highest level of commitement... right.. and obviously he'll deny that the fact that he has comittment issues... u have to change this... this can be done by giving him an answer to his statement "marriage is just a piece of paper".. if its a piece of paper to him.. it shouldn't be an issue.. tell him to put that paper in the file with all his other certificates... that will help him.. and you're helping him by being with him through this time of trouble... afterall, if its just a piece of paper it shouldn't be such a big issue... afterwards he will realise that it was worth it.. he's just going through a moral dillema...
2007-02-15 14:50:30 · answer #7 · answered by googli_2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Mean I know, but so so true. What is in the marriage for him? He is getting all the perks of marriage without the real responsibility. Don't let him insult you by calling you his wife while refusing to get married. He either thinks this keeps you happy or he is doing it to be mean. Either way don't let him by with it.
2007-02-15 14:44:26 · answer #8 · answered by A M 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Buying cow, free milk, remember?
He has everything without any responsibility or commitment.
If he thinks the sacred covenant of marriage, vows and pledging your live to someone is "just a piece of paper" I feel sorry for you. Stop allowing him to call you his wife and pretend he's a man. He's not- he's a wimp who refuses to step up to the plate.
Come on- looking at rings at this stage of the game is meaningless! You can get a wedding band for $20 and get married if you wanted to.
2007-02-15 14:44:28 · answer #9 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
that means he's not quite ready yet, or scared of getting married, probally doesnt wanna get tied down just yet to much freedom,I lived with my ex for 2 years before i got married, then again some people never get married. If i had it to do over again i dont think i would either.Ask him and tell him to be honest about his answer.
2007-02-15 14:47:03 · answer #10 · answered by terryodell42 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋