should i be upset? (posting this in parenting, because i'm 20, and want adult advice!?

Question

5:00 this morning i wake up and by bf is also awake, he starts to je*k o*f...says it's taking too long and wants to watch some quick por* cause having s*x will take at least 30 mins...he asked me to roll over, he didn't feel comfortible with me "watching", so i rolled over (needless to say i was upset/mad and cried to myself), then he finishes, asked me to roll (back) over and wants me to hold him (we hold eachother all the time), i couldn't help but to be angry/upset with him....i don't know if i am feeling this way unjustified...let me know your thoughts! and i'm not going to break up with him or anything over this, i just want to know if i am taking this too personal or whatever...he doesn't want me to think that he is using me for sex so he is very careful about how much we do it (even though it's a lot)...oh...and he said, it's just easier for me to hit the play button and get it done real quick, rather than wake you up, convince you, then do it...so apparently this happens often

Answer 1

dont be mad. we gotta spank it every now and then. tell him to do it when you are not around.

Answer 2

i used to get pissy with my bf cause he does the same thing. I sleep till 11 am because my job has me working till the early morning hours- and my b usully wakes up around 8 or so. Except he usually goes downstairs or something since we dont keep a tv in our room. I guess if you dont want to break up with him, get used to it. i have. At least hes not out F*ing other girls, and its just a video. I know the feeling though- i used to cry over it a lot too. but now four years and a baby into the relationship- ive learned to look differntly at certain thing. Do yall still have sex regularly? is it affecting ya'lls sex life? I wouldnt stress too much over it.Try watching some with him, see what happens. Make it a thing the two of yall do together occasionally. AND DONT TAKE IT AS AN INSULT TO YOU! all that will do is mes the relationship up.
PS- my bfstill does this...

Answer 3

I'm sure you are not the only person this has happened to! Tell him that it bothers you and you'd appreciate it if he wouldn't share this with you. (which is completely understandable!) if he is mad and says that you're dumb and need to get over it i'd be a little more concerned about the using you for sex part but if he tries to understand (he probably won't actually get it but if he attempts to...) then i'd say he is just really horny. If he is your age it is normal for him to want to do it all of the time. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and he jacks off in the shower all the time (so he tells me for some reason) but that's normal. So, tell him it bothers you and if he says he'll do it somewhere else and not speak to you that way about it ("it'll take too long to have sex") then everything will probably resolve itself

PS- my boyfriend has to "convince" me all the time to have sex. He just wants it more than me. Anytime you have sex as much as you guys seem to it isn't odd for you to not want it as much as him and him have to work for it more.

Answer 4

Well, you should let him know that this act bothers you, he could have gone in the bathroom if he didn't want to wake you up. Second you both should talk about why he must convince you to have sex one more thing if you are next to him he shouldn't need the play button, just the mere sight of you should get his motor running, no the sight of seeing some else having sex. Good luck..

Answer 5

Um...hmmmmm....I'd be very upset. But I guess if he has this strong of a "need" for it at least he's not cheating on you?! Wow - whatta question.....if i was you, i wouldn't feel good enough, i mean, you were awake, what's wrong with just doing you? Like, I'd feel like he needs to look at a hotter girl to get off. No, this would be unacceptable to me, especially for him to do it right next to you...i mean, damn that's really rude and inconciderate of your feelings. Do it to him....sit there with like a hot pick of some other guy and masturbate and see what he says....mayeb he'll realize it's hurtful and rude, and when he complains, tell him to roll over! Ithink he's a jerk...seriously, that's totally direspectful and you should tell him it hurt your feelings, tell him if he's going to do that, do it in private becaue it bothers you so much...awww, hunny, i'm sorry. Good luck with that!!!

Answer 6

It does seem like a problem if you ask me. Esp if you were willing. It might have been different if you weren't in the mood. But yes, that is very demeaning to you if you ask me. basically it's like cheating in his head with you right there. I would discuss it with him and let him know how you feel about the situation. If he loves you, you will work it out. If it remains a problem I'd either break up or get a professionals opinion.

Answer 7

Anytime your BFs sexual habits (including porn) upset you or make you uncomfortable, then no one can say you're taking it too personally. You have a right to feel what you feel. Frankly, that would upset me also - not that he watches porn (I think all guys do) - but the fact that his sexual urge was so strong that he was willing to disregard your feelings in order to satisfy himself. Personally, I would have to lay down the law on that one - that he needs to control his urges and watch porn and to jerk himself off on his own time. As for his comment that sex would "take too long" - has he ever heard of a quickie??

Answer 8

You know, it sounds like this guy might be addicted to porn and that stimulus might be the only thing that works for him. This could spill over into your relationship because the next thing that COULD happen is he seeks out phone sex online or like that. You should discuss with him, but addicts tend to deny, deny, deny. When you feel like it's not what you can live with, dump him. There are lots of men that can perform "normally". One more thing, this has nothing to do with you or your abilities or anything like that! It is HIS problem, ok?

Answer 9

His masturbation doesn't have anything to do with you, personally...It's just that to your bf, sex is just a compulsive behavior like nailbiting, overeating, smoking, etc.
Too bad your bf has this view of sex, but at least you know how he sees it.

And he's still your bf because....why?

Oh yeah, because you don't have a problem with his selfish, self-seeking, immature behavior.....and he likes it that way!

Answer 10

Sounds like the dude has some issues. If my girlfriend was laying next to me and in the mood I sure wouldn't be watching porn and jerking off.

Answer 11

Guys masturbating is normal, hell women do it too. He should at least respect you enough to do it when he is alone instead of asking you to roll over.