What are the ways children can get over the things a unstable parent or person does?

Question

unstable people do a lot of harsh things to a child or someone that they suposiably love and others try to help but if the person doesn't want the help or does want it but can't get away from it what can we do. also what are the different ways that they can do to get over the things that happened in the pasted.

Answer 1

My father is mentally ill (bipolar mood disorder and personality disorder) and was verbally and emotionally abusive to me and my mother when we were growing up. It was a very frightening and unloving atmosphere to grow up in, all the more because much of my childhood my father was not on medication, this being before the use of lithium to stabilize mood disorders came about.

I cannot emphasize this enough: the best way to get over what an unstable, abusive parent does to you is to get professional help from a competent therapist or counselor who is used to working with patients who were raised in families where abuse was the norm. Trying to get over it by yourself is like trying to lift yourself up off the ground by pulling up on your shoelaces-- it is just not going to work.

It is also helpful, if you suspect that your parent or parents were mentally ill, to understand the nature of mental illness. You can do this for starters by visiting websites like the NAMI http://www.nami.org/. It might also be helpful for you to make an appointment to talk to a psychiatrist about the condition you believe your parent or parents have or had, to gain some insight into the actual medical aspects of it. I know this has helped me a lot: understanding what caused my father to be the way he was, and understanding and accepting that he could never be "fixed" and made "normal."

I think that that, for me, was both the hardest thing to get through and the most healing: understanding that the regret, anger, depression and pain I felt about not having a normal, loving, caring father was completely natural and healthy, and also understanding that the moment I came to realize I could never "fix" the situation, I could start to mourn the things I never had and never could have, grieve for them, and start to get over the mourning and the grief and move on.

Also important to understand: when I entered therapy, I think I was looking for a magic moment when I could make myself "well" and be healed from the pain I'd gone through. What I found out is, at least for me, the healing process doesn't work that way. There is no magic "aha!" moment when things have turned around and things were healed. Instead, there's been a slow but steady progress out of a very hurtful and dark place, where sometimes movement forward has been so glacially slow that I couldn't see it, but progress nonetheless. (FWIW, some people who I've talked to who have also been in therapy do find that they move forward in leaps and bounds, and they do find they have "aha!" moments. Different strokes for different folks.)

You might also find out if there is a support group for those who have been through similar childhoods to yours. You are not alone, and I hope that realization gives you comfort. Sometimes it can feel like nobody else in the world goes through what you go through when you're dealing with a parent who has a mental illness.

Please try to get help. I know finding options for therapy can be hard if you don't have many resources, but it's worth working to find help. If your workplace has an employee counseling or wellness program, they may be able to refer you to low-cost or free therapy; if you live near a college or university that has a degree program in the psychological or social sciences, they may offer free or low-cost services as a part of their program; and if you have a local chapter of NAMI, they may be able to give you some referrals.

Good luck and hang in there.

Answer 2

If you are a minor and your parents or parent is too unstable to take proper care of you, then you must seek outside help. Go to a teacher, a responsible family member, the family priest, someone! You may at first feel as if you are somehow "telling" on your parents by revealing what is happening at home, but in the long run you will have made a step towards not only getting help for yourself but for them as well. If you are not a minor, then I would advise you to try to move out and leave this very unhealthy environment. You must understand that you are not responsible for other people choosing to live their life in the way that they do. You are responsible for your own happiness. Some people are not motivated to change nor have the desire to change. They make excuses and blame others for their problems. They are in denial and should not be allowed to ruin the lives of other people. Hope you listen to what I have said. Good luck to you!

Answer 3

Most times the child should see a therapist. The child has to know that what has happened to them is not their fault and in no way should be blamed. Although they may not want to talk about it, it is in their best interest to discuss it with someone who is qualified.
Most people will deal with the issue, accept it, learn from it and move on. Most children (and many Adults) will block it out and will move on but because it was not resolved properly, it will eventually surface years later. Therapy does make a difference and will make their future brighter and happier.
If the entire family is dysfunctional and is the major problem, I would tell them to seek a family therapist and get help(if anything get help for the child). Only get the family services involved, if it is in the best interest of the child and the parents are not willing to seek help.

Answer 4

Lots of information about the illness of the unstable parent/person is sometimes helpful. Being able to talk about it and discuss it with someone who cares or shares experiences would be good. A school guidance counselor or other professional would be a good place to look for outside help. A pastor or church elder would be another option. A doctor would also be good to explain the disability of the person who inflicts the pain. Good luck and God Bless you.

Answer 5

I'm not sure how a person gets over the things that have happened to them as children. Things happened to me in childhood that my parents still don't know about til this day. Will I ever tell them I don't know. People deal with stuff differently I personally try not to focus on the things that happened to me in childhood. I tried to bury it away but it is always there lurking around I've tried talking about to my spouse as an outlet but it only makes me mad becuz he could never understand how I feel but he tries. So honestly I don't know people deal with thing in there own way.

Answer 6

Find a really good therapist.
Mine suggested I find out as much as I could about my abusive father's past. I found out so much... like how he had been abused himself from a very early age. What a pity he didn't get the help that I did, and break the cycle of emotional abuse.

My sons lived a very different childhood from my own.
Hanging on to the past is a choice. Choose not to.

Answer 7

Understanding the reasons for their instability is the first start. You can't begin to forgive till you understand that much. Sometimes they are just products of instability themselves or have inherited something not their fault. Obviously, they were mistreated stressed out individuals themselves. Learn about the "times" they lived in as well. It's possible they could not or were unable to cope and get over trauma's they suffered. Their generation was did not have the social workers, counsellors, medications or any sort of understanding of peoples miseries that your generation has studied and practiced in detail.

Answer 8

i honestly cannot tell you anything but just wait it out. i mean as you get older and mature you may come to realize that the person was wrong or sick, or didnt know any better. but maybe you can never really get over it, because if it hurt badly enough, you will never forget it, and most likely you carry the scars; physically or emotionally