my daughter has been in the habit of biting her 4 year old brother every time they have a little argument or when he wont let her take something off him..Ive tried moving her away and giving him loads of attention and i have tried making her sit down for a while when shes bit him but nothing seems to be working.....Any ideas?
2007-02-15 05:20:11 · 15 answers · asked by kim 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
Im sorry but i don't believe in biting her back as this is just showing her that if i can bite she can carry on biting and this wont solve anything
2007-02-15 05:29:24 · update #1
Wow! I am a little shocked by the responses so far. Are you people serious?
I've worked with children for years and have one of my own. At the preschool for which I worked, we had a number of biters. There was one common link between all of them: lack of ability to express their feelings verbally. It sounds like your daughter bites when she is angry or frustrated. She doesn't know what else to do, so she bites. So give her the words; be empathetic. Say to her, "It looks to me like you're feeling really angry, and I get that. Sometimes I get mad, too. But, I use my teeth for biting food; teeth are for biting food, not people. When I get mad, I..." You may also talk to her about how it hurts, that it's simply not acceptable.
It may sound lame, and it may not work the first time, but eventually it does work. Not only does it exemplify patience and respect for your child, but if you don't talk down to your child, their verbal skills will improve and s/he will have a better understanding of how and why we do and don't do certain things.
Good luck.
2007-02-15 05:36:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋
I love some of the answers....
What did your mother do???? EH?????
But really Bite her back is correct...
ALSO
She is frustrated. I remember biting at that age. YES even 34 years ago.. So that is correct also. But ya know what. I learned after the person bit me back. I just got my butt kicked and it hurt!!!!
You know WHY biting back works? Because she will finally know. “Hey, people in this world are bigger than her, and CAN kick her butt. You don’t get your way ALL the time.”
If you take ANNA’s advice I can’t wait till your child hits 13… HAHAHAHAHA
Taking any advice that says, “respect your 3 year old” has got to be the LAMEST idea.
I’m gonna count to 5…. 1. 2…. 3…. 4…. 4 ½ … 4 ¾…. 4 9/16….. ok, go sit in the corner for 5 minutes while you contemplate that running out in the street is bad.
How many times you gonna tell her that… You might only have one chance!
Yea, let her play with kids younger than herself. That way she can get bit, or even better yet. Teach the other kids to bite.
Be a friging parent!!!
2007-02-15 06:10:53 · answer #2 · answered by Renoirs_Dream 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Ok, first of all you need to understand why she is biting in the first place. Young children bite because they lack the ability to express in words their feelings. They do not have the experience or the cognitive ability to speak in full terms yet. This is often shown through biting because it is the most immediate way to get attention, or to get something to stop. Think about how many adults come running when they here a child cry, think about what a reaction is given when they realize the child was bitten by another. It meets all her needs.
Here is what I would suggest. Do not bite her back... this sends her mixed messages. This says "It’s not ok to hurt others... but I can hurt you” it also says "when you are bad I will hurt you". Young children only learn how express their feelings when people give them the words to do so.
Place your child in time out... (1 minute for every year old... she is 2 so no more than 2 minutes after 2 minutes she will forget why you placed her there).
Don't give too much explanation... state simply "We do not bite you are in time out". Set a timer, and return to her in 2 minutes...,. If she gets up do not say anything just simply return her to the time out space (always have a designated space... same place every time).
When the time out is over you need to communicate with her in simple words... that she hurt her brother, and she can't bite. Then you need to say... did you bite because you were angry? Did you bite because you wanted the toy? Etc... If she says yes to these give her the words to use... teach her to say "I'm angry" you can even give her pictures to use with the faces if she can't express this yet.
This will work... it takes time and patience.
I am a Special Education teacher and I have lots of experience with this problem. Parents ask about it all the time. I wish you luck!
2007-02-15 05:38:47 · answer #3 · answered by akholler 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
don't bite back its just teaching her its ok to bite if mommy does it. sit your child down and tell her its not ok to bite your brother but do so in a matter she will understand. Also it could be a attention behavior that she is doing. Ask her why she is biting her brother also when she was teething or still is she would bite on a teether if she has one maybe her teeth hurt so she is biting on something to make them feel good.
2007-02-15 05:42:33 · answer #4 · answered by rosemommy2be 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are so right about not biting your daughter back! I can't believe so many suggest injuring a child to teach a lesson! Putting hot sauce in her mouth? NO! Biting her back will only reinforce the message that biting is okay. "If mom can bite me, I can bite someone." For those of you, who suggest biting back or putting hot sauce a child’s mouth, stop offering such abusive advice and educate yourselves!
The best thing you can do is to take your daughter aside and show her how teeth feel on skin. Press her forearm against her upper teeth as if she were biting herself. Tell her, "See, biting hurts!" Give this lesson immediately after she bites.
Have your son tell her “Ouch! That hurt me! I don’t want to play with you if you are going to bite me.” It is a very strong message coming from another child.
Empathize with her after a biting incident. “I bet you were feeling very (upset, mad, hurt, angry, frustrated) when you bit “John.” What can you do next time instead of biting?” With some empathy she will soon learn to better express herself rather than bite.
It feels very powerful for her when she bites. Help her to feel this power in positive ways by saying things like “You did that by yourself!” “You stacked every block!” “Look how high you can jump!” “You used so many colors on you picture!” These types of phrases are great confidence builders, great ways to show your attention, and great phrases to help her to feel powerful.
Start now by teaching your children to problem solve. They will need a little guidance. Say for example they are fighting over a toy, say "It looks like you both want to use that (state the problem). Only one toy but two people that want to use it." They may say things like "I had it first! I want it!" You can then empathize. "I can't tell that you really want that. It's very (upsetting, frustrating, making you angry) that “John” won't give it to you." Let them vent a bit then say "What can we do about this?" Sometimes they will problem solve on their own, other times they need some help. I might say "I have an idea! When Kate it finished with she can give it to you”, or, “how about Kate uses it for 3 minutes and then you can use it?" This approach works very well. Always state the problem, empathize (A little empathy can go a long way. You are just empathizing, not joining into the problem.), validate, and help the child identify their problem, restate their ideas to fix the problem, help them to carry out the solution. Spend less and less time each time. After the children figure out that you won't solve the problem for them, they will get much better at solving their own problems. It takes some practice and active listening, but it works!
Check out the following link. It has a helpful article called "Biting and hitting: 16 ways to stop it" when it comes to children who bite. Hope this helps! http://www.askdrsears.com
2007-02-15 05:56:39 · answer #5 · answered by marnonyahoo 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
a tiny bit of cayenne pepper on her tongue EVERY time. That's the only thing that is starting to help me deal with my son's biting. He is 3 yrs old and has been biting for 2 yrs! He has been kicked out of 2 daycares for it, I am in tears everytime it happens.
Hey, I don't care what others say, my son has been biting for 2 WHOLE YEARS! So you can just imagine, I have tried everything, from ignoring it to talking to him about it to spanking him and time outs. He is very articulate, as a matter of fact peop are impressed with his speech so it is not a expressing himself thing, it's a control thing and he has to know that this is not a way to control people. The cayenne pepper works, it's not abuse, it's a minute amount. People need to relax.
2007-02-15 05:24:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
No no no no no! Don't listen to these ignorant answers!
Your daughter is biting because she is frustrated and this is the only way she knows to tell you she is frustrated.
Sometimes toddlers who are frequently around older siblings (or older friends) feel chronically powerless and frustrated. They use biting as a way of asserting themselves.
Give your daughter opportunities to play with children who are slightly younger than she is, so she will have some experience with a different social situation in which she is more capable than the other child.
2007-02-15 05:29:37 · answer #7 · answered by Mother of 5/Madre de 5 3 · 1⤊ 3⤋
I know that this is a super un-popular method (as seen by Lisa Welchel from the Facts of Life) but a dot of hotsauce on the tounge worked well for me and my sister in law. Also, I used a dot of soap too.
2007-02-15 05:24:03 · answer #8 · answered by mel m 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Biting back one good time will cure her of biting others. You'll not be able to protect her from another child that will absolutely give her a taste of her own medicine.
2007-02-15 05:47:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
Well as you have alot of good answers tried and true a little earwax will do, give it a try and see this is not a lie.
2007-02-15 05:26:56 · answer #10 · answered by Michelle J 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋