Lying and keeping things from me?

Question

Me and my fiance are both 37, and have been together a bit over a year. when we first started dating I found out he chewed tobacco, thats fine, then he stated he wanted to quit. He said he did, then found out he was still doing it,he told me. Thats fine. So we agree on getting him patches. I just again recently found he is still chewing, but he denys it. Why? I told him I want to help him and that I wouldn't get mad or upset. Why does he feel the need to keep that he is still chewing from me? How can I get him to tell me he still is without causing more fights? I don't care if he still does it, it's the lying to me that bothers me. I just want to help him. Any more details u need, ask. Too much to type and hard to get point across on here.

Answer 1

I understand how you feel, a friend of mine has gone thru a similar thing with her husband over smoking. As you say, it is not the actually thing he is doing, but rather that he is keeping secrets. As hard as it it, the only way to solve it is by communicating to him how you feel. If you can't say it, write him a letter explaining why it bothers you. Explain that it is because you love him that it hurts when he is not straight with you. If things don't improve, try getting someone in to mediate a conversation - a friend or even a counselor.