How to deal with a bragging co-worker?

Question

I have been going through some difficult times personally, & my co-workers are aware of it. We have a family member who is dying & we are the closest relatives, it has really taken a toll on my husband, who of course takes it out on me. I am a mother of 3 so that itself brings daily stresses. For the most part, people are being very supportive and caring. But I have this one co-worker, who sits right next to me, & in my opinion should know more than any other because she heres more; my phone coversations and such. However, she has seemed to use my down point as an oppertunity to bring herself up. She will ask me how my night went, & then go on to tell me how her boyfriend bought her this & bought her that, & how her house is so great, & her boyfriend tells her such wonderful things & what they ate for dinner & how she cooks so good & everyone raves over it - just on & on in such detail about how great her life is. It really bothers me, how do I get that across to her?

I have not said anything to her about how it makes me feel. I just smile and say wow or aww that's nice.
And she is not even close to being called a friend! Simply co-worker and nothing more, not a chance!

I try not to talk about my personal life, but I talk to my husband and one day I couldn't help but break down and cry while at my desk. I felt overwhelmed at that time and that is why they know - I really needed someone to talk to at that time.

I see what you are saying TeaQueen, and I thought about it. But it is EVERY SINGLE DAY that I have to hear about how WONDERFUL evening/weekend was! No matter if I am thinking about my problems or not, she just has this way of making me feel like crap! And it's almost like she enjoys it, she will ask me "so what did the hospital say about ___?" and then immediantly with the biggest smile say "oh, I made this so and so for dinner last night, with this side and that side and my boyfriend said it was the best he ever had and his boss said I was the best cook"...blah, blah, blah.......and she has even laughed OUT LOUD over something that I said that bothered me but she thought it was funny - such as something the dying relative did, who has mental problems. I can't help but think she is just trying to put me down in her own way.

Answer 1

It seems that she ONLY asks you about yourself as a buffer, so thats he can tell you all the details about her life and herself. When she ask you "anything" personal. Just say "Oh I'd rather NOT talk about it rigght now". The sorry, miserable bat will hopefully keep her own thoughts to herself. And IF by chance she raves about herself anyway, pick up the phone and dial your cell (make sure its on silent) and just talk to your voicemail. She'll back off. That seems very annoying! ughhhhhhhhh

Answer 2

Honesty is the best policy. Don't just sit there & take it. The fact that you have YOUR OWN PROBLEMS and don't need to be further irritated by her immature, bragging self ... I would ask her nicely, at first, if she didn't mind not going on & on about her personal life, because you have a lot on your mind, and that you're sure she would understand (no need to be a B*%^$) if you haven't expressed your feelings before. HOWEVER, if you've mentioned it to her or you mention it & she continues to be that way, tell her to PLEASE tell someone who cares! It's really that simple. Sometimes you just have to put it down like that, after you try the "nice" approach! If she gets pissy w/ you, she'll either get over it, or she won't, but hopefully she will & won't make your life at work even more of a living ...

Hope that's helpful.

Answer 3

Scarlet, trying to make someone like your cow-orker next door show some sensitivity is like beating on a brick wall to make it softer. All it's going to do is get you more tired and hurt.

Your cow-orker sounds like someone who has a bit of a narcissistic personality disorder. This is a form of mental disorder characterized by an inability to empathize with other people, among other things. Here is a website that gives some insight into the disorder: http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/howto.html

The main thing you need to realize about narcissists: you cannot make them change. Even professional psychotherapists will tell you that with all their knowledge and therapeutic tools, they cannot do a lot to help someone who is narcissistic.

What you need to do to cope with this person is, first of all, understand that there is nothing personal about the way she is treating you. She is not doing it out of meanness, spite, or a deliberate intent to hurt you. She is behaving the way she is because she is an impaired individual who cannot behave any other way, and she would be just as obnoxious to anyone else. Literally, it isn't you, it's her. With the narcissist, it's always all about her (or him). Other people are just foils for their behavior.

Second of all, coping strategies: limit the time you spend around her. When she starts conversing with you and getting on your nerves, tell her you have a phone call to make, you have to go somewhere, you have something to do, whatever. Just break the conversation off. Don't feel rude in doing so, because it's what you have to do. If you can't break off from her, just keep reminding yourself that she is a basically disfunctional person who is not, in the long run, going to be well-served in life. You have the sympathy of other people, and you know that most people are going to agree that your narcissistic cow-orker is someone toxic and obnoxious. Do your best to ignore her and not award her your validation.

Finally, in general, take care of yourself. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to seek comfort from people who are compassionate to your situation, seek it. If you have to get away from the narcissistic cow-orker, ask your management if they can move you away from her. Do what it takes to minimize the stresses on you at this time and try to stay well.

My condolences for your situation. Hang in there and believe that after a storm comes a rainbow and sunlight.

Answer 4

not to be mean to her but you need to be upfront and honest with her. if you cant do that then start to use a different tone of voice with her as to let her no you are not interested in what she has to say body language also may work. In all honesty she seems as though she is very self conscious about herself. You may have a lot going on right now but every thing does pass coming from a single mom of 3

Answer 5

Just because your life is in the crapper doesn't mean that everyone else's is... she probably just wants someone to talk to about her life, just as you do. Should she hold back because you're having a rough time? Sometimes its nice to forget your own problems and focus on someone else for a change.

I'm not saying that you don't have a gripe here, but before you go off on her, consider this from her point of view.

PS: Not to be rude, but try using the check spelling button every now and then.

Answer 6

I say this advice to you and I know it is a little late, but if you are a smart person you will not talk about your personal life in work that is a no no. If you coworker brags don't let it get you down we all have tough times in our lives and the good lord will never bring you to something he wont carry you through have faith pray and be quiet!

Answer 7

Is she really bragging or do you feel that way because your life is so difficult right now?
She could be just wanting to share OR maybe all these things she is telling you aren't true. Maybe her life is really messed up. She could be making all of this up. You could say you are too busy to talk.

Answer 8

Just compliment her! "Wow! I wanna be just like you!" Can you do that? Do some role playing, like you're in a soap opera,- I know it's really bad to do that with friends, but maybe she really isn't your friend.. so it's o.k. to do this! Tell her she's the best, compliment her in what she's wearing, She sounds like she is a busybuddy, so play with her, and see what she does! She might even think you're the greatest!, because you're so in to her.

Answer 9

have you ever stopped to think that maybe she's trying to get your mind off of your own personal raincloud?

what you spend your energy on is what will come to be.

Answer 10

say "thats nice and Im going to go read for awhile" and doso at your own desk...