16 year old daughter has a baby by a irresponsible so called daddy?

Question

My 16 year old daughter had a baby by a 17 year old who obviously does not care for her or the baby. He did not even sign the birth certificate. He tells her he cares but, I know and can tell that he doesn't. He hasn't even gotten a job. I am taking her to a counselor next week to help build up her confidence in choosing her life with school and continuing education to better herself inside and out. She has our support and love to achieve these things. I want her to make a life to support herself and her child and possibly marry a man that she deserves. She is a smart girl and beautiful however she makes bad choices on the idiots she chooses. Has anyone had a simuliar situation they have dealt with? Any advice... should I let the boy see the baby? My daughter thinks that he still loves her and cares for the baby. I have seen his actions and believe that he is fake. Just my motherly intuition. I just want the best for her and my grandchild.

Answer 1

If it is his child, you have no right to keep the baby away from him. Just make sure the baby is safe. It's very nice to hear that even though your daughter made a mistake, you are still standing by her. Just try to set a good example and help her make the right choices. And don't forget, people can change.

Answer 2

Give him an ultamatium infront of your daughter, if he doesn't sign the certificate, gets a job and pays child support, then he has no right to this little girl. That is what a dad is. Not someone who comes around 1 a month, maybe a diaper change here or there with $10 once in a blue moon that won't even pay for a can of formula.

Pretty much seems he is denying the baby by not signing the papers AND knowing your daughter is weak, will still continue to use that weakness to his advantage.

I do recommend that counseling.

she might be picking these idiots based on past issues at home. How was her own father?
Has she ever been abused by anyone, ex: males in past?

You sometimes have to let your child fall hard to allow them to finally use their own two feet to get back up. You do need to let her do that, but keep an eye out for the unheard voice of the baby as that baby will suffer from her choices.

Answer 3

Gee I read some of these responses and guess I get to be the
b i t ch on this one.
This is how I see it. If the boy wants visatation with the baby then tell him to take his happy butt to court and file for it. He didnt even sign the birth certificate so to me that shows no intrest.
Your daughter right now is most likely very emotional and most likely feels that the baby will bring her and the boyfriend together. Wrong...cause if it was gonna happen it would have already.
I think you should encourage your daughter not to let him see the baby. Tell her what I just said about making him go to court and getting it. Its kinda like proof that he really wants to be in the baby's life. Also that way it shows that while he can be a part of the baby's life he doesnt neccessarily have to be a part of hers. Dont force it though because if you do you will drive her away and most likely right into the arms of this loser.
Keep encouraging her to finsih school and hopefully go to college. Hopefully when she sees she can be independent with her and the baby she will see she can choose a better man.

Answer 4

So just what is it that makes a 16 year old girl who spreads her legs without benefit of birth control responsible? You're blaming the father of this child when your daughter had to have made a pretty damned irresponsible choice regarding this matter as well. Obviously you haven't done the best for your daughter if you couldn't instill in her morals and values and the ability to make better choices for herself. You can not keep him from seeing his child. If you try to do so he can take YOU to court and you won't like the outcome. Whether YOU like this guy or not you do NOT have the right to come between him and HIS child. He doesn't HAVE to sign the birth certificate, all that is needed is his last name.

Answer 5

I was in the exact same situation myself. I had a baby when I was 17 with a 19 year old guy. He was and still is very irresponsible and even abusive at times. My parents saw right through his lies, but I was a naieve teenager who wanted the family to be together. My parents told me many times to leave him and even tried to bribe me to stay away from him. Honestly the more they did to keep us apart the more it made me want to be with him. Stupid I know, but that's how teenagers think. I am now 24 and my daughter is 6. We even had another child together who will be 4 soon. I stayed with him until about 7 months ago and now I couldn't be happier. I didn't realize how miserable I really was until I left him. I think the best thing you can do for your daughter is to support her decisions even if you don't agree with them. Just let her know that if and when something happens she always has you to talk to and help her through. Don't try to keep them apart because that will just push her away from you and closer to him. She will eventually learn for herself that this is no way to raise a child and then will need you for comfort. The only way you should try to interfere is if the father is abusive or you think he is endangering your daughter or grandchild. Then you can press charges since your daughter is still under 18. Good luck. I hope she is smarter than I was and realizes what she's getting herself into.

Answer 6

It's so sad when kids have babies. This guy is obviously way too young and immature to have a child. Sounds like your daughter wants him in her and the babies life. Since he refuses to sign the birth certificate, I would make sure to have the paternity established. Get an attorney or at least some legal aid. He is responsible for child support, whether he wants to be in this baby's life or not. If you don't think it is safe for him to be around the baby, make it known. Your daughter may be too immature to make this call but trust your gut. Good luck and congrats on your new grand baby.

Answer 7

This is a hard one. I think if he wants to be involved with the child that is fine. You should go and have it where his parents are responsible for helping with child support till he is 18. You shouldn't have to deal with this on your own because both your kid and their kid screwed up on having unprotected sex and making a baby. I know you said he didn't have a job but all of these things should have come into play when she was dating him to begin with. You can tell but kind of person someone is when you get with them. If he was immature before and not working or making smart choices he isn't going to start now or for a long time. Your daughter was forced to grow up by carrying a baby and going through birth and now becoming a mother at a young age. You can't put it all on him your daughter can't wait for him to get his act together and get a job to help support. She has to understand now that she is going to have to get a job and support this baby as well and that you will of course help with watching the baby and helping to support it that is just natural, but this is her baby not yours. I think that you should have a sit down with him and his parents and decide what would be best to handle this situation and see if they wish to see this child and be a part of it's life and if they act like they care then maybe all their son needs is time and he is just scared. If they don't act like they give a crap then you will know what kind of people he came from and he probably will be the same as he gets older! You know the saying the apple doesn't fall far from the tree! Also, you said you were taking her to a counselor now but really this should have already been done before hand, before the pregnancy. There is a reason she is making bad choices on boyfriends. If she had the self respect and confidence before hand she would have had the knowledge and self worth already instilled into her mind before making decisions that could affect her life like being with a boyfriend that don't care about her and then having unprotected sex with him and now the outcome of having his child. It is normal for the mother to blame the boy who did this to their daughter and feel angry towards him but your daughter is equally responsible. This is the hand that she played and she is going to have to decide on how to make things work for her baby's best interest because now it isn't all about her. She should be encouraged to continue her education and let her know she can still make a life for herself with or without this guy. He will have to decide if he wants to be involved whether financially or emotionally. He might not want to be there emotionally but he should help out financially, even if it is just $25.00 a week to cover some formula or diapers. So many guys are threatened to be taken to the cleaners and that scares them away from being there. I think that emotional support should be taught is just as important as or equally important as giving a check every week. I think that if he has good and caring parents that in time you will all be able to work it out and come to what is the best thing for this baby.

Answer 8

Give her all the love and support you can because she will need it. Make her file for child support, because someday he will work. My friend had a son who is now married and in the Air Force, and she is getting $750 per month back child support for the $150 per month she did not get when he was a child, until his back support is paid off. My daughter was a high school honor student who made the same mistake, she still lives with us and so does our 5 year old grandson, his daddy is in prison, and some days I feel they will never be on their own, she can't manage money, she has little or no parenting skills, and she has been through counseling and is on meds for bi polar disorder. Good luck to you!

Answer 9

Your mum has not got over the shock of her own "little angel" becoming a mum herself at such a really young age. Try to understand whats happening in your mums eyes, her daughter was made pregnant by this boy and she has to endure the sight of him, which is hard. You seem to be doing all the right things to enable you and your bf bring up your daughter together. You are still a minor and yes your mum has the right to tell you what you can and cant do, just because you have been silly and got pregnant it does not make you and adult. In UK when you are 16 you can leave home with parents consent, I dont know what age you become an adult legally in your part of the world but until that time comes you will just have to put up with things as they are. You are still a child yourself and your mum is expected to approve of what you have done and cut the apron strings to let you free. This ain't gonna happen, get used to it and respect her for who she is and what she has done for you. In time things will change, if you kick off all the time it will only confirm how immature you are.

Answer 10

If she's old enough to be a mother, she's old enough to decide for herself whether she wants the father of her baby in their baby's life. Personally, I think that the more involved he is with the baby, the better. She should establish paternity and go after him for child support, but whether or not he sees the baby should not depend on this, he is not paying to see the baby, he has rights as the father. Telling her (or others) that he doesn't care for her or the baby is only going to hurt her, please don't go there because you might be wrong, you might be intimidating him, he might just be scared. Give him the benefit of the doubt and some credit, and maybe he will come around.

Young guys sometimes take a while to come around (my brother didn't marry the mother of his children until they'd had three of them - it took him a long time to grow up, but he did). I think that she has to choose her own wants, it is time to step back a bit and avoid pushing your wants on her. Just be supportive of her decisions without making her feel like she has to live up to your expectations, and you will get along fine.