What is the best way to bring up children so that they are happy, confident, good adults?

Question

I have a 2 year old daughter and having being smothered/over spoilt by a fab/well meaning but worrier of a Dad and having a Mum who was often down/indifferent/inaffectionate I am at the stage where I am beginning to worry how I should treat Em so that she doesn't grow up spoilt or depressed or with too high expectations in life/but at the same time with motivation to follow her aspirations etc..

The way my own parents were led my sister and I into being sometimes depressed/unhappy adults yet both did their best under difficult circumstances so I know they did not intend for things to turn out the way they did..

I too do the best for my wee girl but worry as I say how much is too much or what other things I could be doing to make sure or at least increase the chances that she will be happy/confident/depression free later?

Answer 1

Hi there Smiley,

My parents are academics,
and as children, my brothers sister and I, would sit at the table and all things could be discussed.

We were simply told, that we must always be polite. Stand up when an elderly person enters the room, say excuse me, if someone was talking and we needed to say something.

We were never shouted at or slapped. When we did something wrong, we were told why it was wrong, everything was explained in a civilised manner. We were allowed freedom of expression and encouraged to try new things.

We never had to lie, because we could tell our parents everything.

Also, we were taught that we are all free to make our own decisions, but to think, if what we were doing was right, and we understood that from an early age

As we have grown up, we have so much respect for our parents, they led by example. Our family laughed, and laugh a lot.

We were allowed to be children, free to be inventive, free to ask, and then be listened to.

As we are very well adjusted adults it must work, we don't judge, or look up, or down on others, we consider we are equal to anyone, they to us.

So I would say, talk. discuss things, don't scream and shout, it feeds a child's temper, and they become confused, things get worse. Never slap it sets a bad example...

Smiley, you seem to be giving your childs up bringing so much thought. You want the best for her, I'm sure you will have a very contented little girl.

May she have a, Happy And a Fortunate life, with my best wishes to you...

Cassandra

Answer 2

1

Answer 3

You can only do your best my dear ! As mums, it is our job to worry about everything when it comes to our kids . I don't think there's a mum out there who thinks she's doing a fantastic job ( even when she really is ) and those women who claim to be fantastic mums are kidding themselves .
My advice to you would be treat her like a human being, respect her feelings, be there for her, listen to what she's saying and most importantly show her you love her by spending a bit of quality time with her !
I think people go wrong when they patronise kids , they're just little people who need the same respect as the rest of us. Praise her when she has done well ( every time) but..do tell her off when she has done something wrong . She needs to learn the difference between right and wrong and you can teach her that by being persistant ..draw a line, show her the line and she must never be allowed to cross that line without paying the consequences .
The fact that you're asking this question shows that you really are a great mum, and that you are already doing a great job without needing advice from the rest of us. You care, so therefore you will do right by her, I just know it ! Carry on doing what you're doing .
All any of us can do is our best, it is usually good enough but no matter how we treat them as kids, they don't always turn out the way we hope, but a lot of that is down to the individual, not the parents, so relax, have fun and enjoy being a mum , she's lucky to have you .
P

Answer 4

Hi Smiley, I can feel for you so much. You sound like your doing a great job by the way, Well Done" for not wanting your beautiful daughter to grow with your the horrible prodblems you had to fact, and I know how hard it is through experience.
You can love her millions but you have to have little rules even at her age honestly, because they are clever.
You see all these programmes about parenting and naughty children. And look after a couple of weeks with some rules those children are happy too.
So you and your baby have the best of lives together and trust me she will become your best friend, I have 3 and they have defended and cared for me100%.
So Smiley try and let your past go its hard but your little girl will grow thanking you loads not just for how much you love her but have rules which will make her into the adult you wish her to be.
Dont get me wrong keep her wise, alert and in this day and age she has to be told that she tells you everything - good and bad and should never be afraid to talk to you.
That can be hard too sometimes because I know I am not the most touchy touchy mum but I am here for them, love them - there are no words can explain what a beautiful feeling being a mum is. Its not easy by no means for any of us. The hardest job there is so dont doubt yourself if sometimes it goes wrong and it will trust me but you get their in the end.
Make sure she knows who her true friends are and if she has many she will never be short of good company, and trust me there is nothing worse than your daughter sitting at home not playing with anyone.cause she thought some girls were her friends but thankfully she learnt a valualbe lesson and mixes with a good group of girls and they seem to be having lots of fun.
Good luck for the future and the very best of health and happiness to you all.

Answer 5

Unfortunately the society that we live in makes it very difficult to control your children. Children now have so many rights and they know it.
Your 2 year old is OK for now..but when she starts school, she will begin to learn of the things that she can do and get away with it. She might become a different person outside the home to when she is at home...Then she might eventually bring her bad behaviour home where she knows that YOU can't do anything to stop her because she has 'rights'

There is no point worrying about the future for now. Just do the best that you can. Her future will be in her hands. If she decides to listen to your good advise or not will be up to her.
Whatever happens...Don't beat yourself up and feel guilty because after a certain age, you can't control the mind and actions of your child.
After saying all that...I hope your child grows up to make you feel proud.

Answer 6

While you should show her a lot of affection also make her aware that you
are the parent and require respect.Show the child respect back, do not give
in to her every whim, do not let her rule the roost at home. If you do you are
making a rod for your own back, you will lose control and the respect of the
child, let her go into moods occassionly because she cannot have her own way. She will certainly come around to your way of thinking, that she cannot have all her own way, and everything she wants there may come a day due to your over generosity, where you will find that you genuinely cannot afford something that she wants after giving in every time.This may sound a bit overpowering I have 3 children(all adults now) and they have a great deal of respect for my wife and I and also anyone else that they meet.We never had
any problems, or needed assistance from outside sources to help bring up our 3, sometimes it makes me wonder are some of the children that are born
nowadays just a fashion accessory for these Chavs we have here. Good Luck.

Answer 7

Hello Smiley,

My daughter now is 29 - she is an only child - when she was growing up I made sure that her friends were allowed to stay at any time - when she was 16 I gave her a front door key and told her not to abuse the previlage. Every Friday evening she would go out with her friends and guess what every Saturday morning when I went downstairs to make a cuppa - bodies everywhere - in the longue (only small) in the dining room (only small) - so I got into the swing of things - what would you like for breakfast (hopefully toast) and because I was so adaptable her friend wanted to stay every Friday evening - my daughter said that most of her friends parents did not understand that they liked a drink and they did not want to go home smelling of drink - she said mum from the age of 2 you taught me that when your friends came around you enjoyed yourself and I had an egg cup of wine as I grew older it increased but by the time I was 16 it was no big deal and yet her friends got drunk often and she was their guiding star. I am still very proud of her and the only swear word she ever used (only once) was oh bugger and that she heard on TV.
My advice to you is be loving and supportive but above all else love is the most important - I tell my daughter every day that I love her - and guess what I speak to her most days on the phone and the first thing she says is mum I love you so much.

I know that I have done a good job of bringing my daughter up and my family compliment me they all say what a wonderful girl - I agree she is wonderful.
May I wish you every sucess in the future and go with your senses - time will tell.
Take care and have a good life

Love Jeanie xx

Answer 8

Hi
The best way to have a happy confident child is to build her confidence by encouragement and lots of praise. Reward the good behaviour and try to ignore 'bad' behaviour. Explain to your child the difference between acceptable and non-acceptable behaviour. Love your child and tell her often how much you love her. Never call a child naughty. The thing they did may be in that category but not the child. Enjoy her childhood and the time you spend together. Laugh with her, delight in her, spend time together. get down to her level and play with her. Good idea to send her to pre-school where she will learn to play and share with other children and have opportunities to learn new skills. You could even help on the mum's rota and pick up good ideas to try out at home. Above all you be happy, you are so lucky to have a little girl to love and care for. God bless you. It isn't easy being a mum and we do make mistakes but don't hung up on trying to be perfect. Your daughter will love you as much as you love her.

Answer 9

Give her everything that you would have wanted when you were a child. Be firm and gain her respect. Don't let her get away with anything let her know she is a child. Let her make mistakes, she invariably will, we all do and this is how we learn. Pick her up when she falls and offer her advice throughout her maturing years.

Give her plenty of love and affection. Aim to be her best friend when she grows up, then she will confide in you and your friendship will grow. She will love you for you ways, your teachings and your love and appreciation.

Don't smother her. Let her grow up and discover things herself. She will gain independence, naturally. Do not worry too much how you are doing as there are no right or wrong ways to do it! Just remember to have fun along the way and cherish moments with her as she will be grown up and have her own family in the blink of an eye.

As you have posted the question here you are obviously thoughtful and want to be a good mother. I am very sure that you will be.

I don't have children, yet but I love my mother and she is my best friend. I'm 33.

Good luck and have fun don't be too serious! ;)

Answer 10

kids getting out to meet friends grow up confident like say a girl guide group or other drama classes ,dance classes while these all give your child things to learn and do she is actually mixing with other people and gets the condfidence through the years with meeting people, parent/s encouraging the child always gives a boost to self esteem and being there when important things like school play are on the child knows parents are the safest and loving to be with ,spoiling a child is easy to do but giving in can learn the child to not except the word "No" this has to to be done to really show children hey you can't have it your way all the time ,being over protective can cause a child to maybe rebel in later years when the sulky teenager comes in and you get the i'll do what i want .
for your daughter now just be there for her play with her do things with her ,show her stuff and teach her ,you showing her the way will be her guide in life .
one parent always worries about the child to much or both depends what u worry about if child wants out into street of course thats a worry although thats nothing to concern you yet wait till she hits 6 or 7 and wants to go three doors up to a friends house everyone worries then and its i'll take you there ,don't go on the road etc ,just let her develop as her age allows .