Can some one just listen to my story?

Question

Look I'm only 19 and my boyfriend in 28 and WE been dating for a year and some months.............We were currently living together along until the mother of his son passed away about a week ago and now his child is living with us and I have to step up and be a mother to the poor two year old at such a young age.......I love him and the baby so am I doing the right thing or what although I get less attention from my boy friend now I mean I'm not jelious but I just don't feel wanted by him anymore although he don't want to break up with me

help me please I need it

I'm not jelious.........I glad his son is around and I want to be a mommy to him but is it right for a young girl like me

Answer 1

Let me start by telling you that evern without knowing I am proud of what you are doing. It takes a big courage to do it.
It is not an easy question you are raising here.
When a child comes in to relationships they change the rules of the game and here comes what you and your boyfriend have build up till now.
In other words, children needs attention and caring. When parents work all day and they come home and need to take care of children it would drain them completely to the point they forget about their partners.
What you need to do is the following: Talk to your boyfriend and try to find a formula for all of you: You two need your own time togther to nurrish the relationship otherwise it will die.
You may not be able to do it as frequent as you would like to but it is important to find time only for the both of you.
So, organize your lives in a way that you do things the three of you and other times just you and your boyfriend.
It is very important to expose the issue in a very positive way. Believe me, he is already thinking of it and misses you.

Answer 2

What you are feeling is natural and normal. You've both been thrown into immediate parenthood without any notice whatsoever. Although he fathered the child, he probably only had visitation prior to this. After a good amount of time for the child to adjust you need to make sure you had couple time too. And check into support groups for new mommies. Even though other women have had 9 months to adjust to parenthood I bet they'd be willing to share helpful information on caring for a 2 year old, which keeps you really busy. Join some groups (like mom and me gyms, or reading groups) where you and the child can bond. Good luck and God Bless you for being willing to provide the love and attention that this child needs as such a crucial time.

Answer 3

It has only been a week and there will need to be sometime for everyone to adjust to the new situation. Possibly your bf went from being a part-time (weekend dad) to a full time day overnight. And I don't know if you've ever been around children, but having such a small one in the house is a huge undertaking.

Find some support groups for "new" moms in your area. And either find a babysitter so that you and your bf can sit down and discuss what your role in the new family is going to be and your feelings about the whole situation.

Answer 4

You need to realize that your boyfriend is going through a grieving process. Even though he was not with his son's mother anymore, trust me, they shared a bond that couldn't be broken because of their child. Secondly, he too is going through a major adjustment in his life. Being a full time daddy is a lot different than being a weekend daddy. Especially for so young a child.

You all need to adjust to each other and get to know each other now as a family instead of just as a couple.

You need to decide whether you are really ready for a committment of this magnitude. You are only 19 years old, and for most, that is way too young to start a family. Think long and hard about this because this child will start looking at you as a mother. The child will be grieving for its mother also, and will not understand why she isn't there.

I wouldn't count on a lot of extra attention from your boyfriend right now, but I think you should be giving a lot of support and sympathy. Like I said, think about this long and hard, it may be best for everyone if you just distanced yourself from this situation.

Have a long talk with your boyfriend about all of your concerns.
What you must realize is that the child will come first from now on, and that is the way it is in every marriage. Parents sacrifice all for the children, including time alone together.

You have a lot to consider, good luck to you.

Answer 5

Whenever a child comes into the picture even if it were your child, you get put in the back burner. this is normal. What's important is the two of you make time for each other. Daily, although that's hard, is the best. Relationships are hard on their own. add a child and now you're talking some serious commitment. Don't let that child fall in love with you if do not intend to be around 4-ever! don't do that to the kids. His child is his blood and he will ALWAYS put him before you. Can you handle that? If so then make sure you arrange for date nights. regularly!. good luck, hun.

Answer 6

You two need a break to do something romantic together. Like others have said, get a babysitter who you can trust (maybe even a family member of yours) to watch the kid for a night so you and your boyfriend can go out to dinner and then have a romantic night home in the bedroom - and explain to him that you feel unwanted, but that you love the kid - just show a little more attention to me sometimes

Also, take into consideration that he might also be greiving. give him time

Answer 7

Try to encourage things for you all to do together. As far as him spending a little more time with his son right now is because the baby just lost his mother and is still too young to understand why. Just try and be a little more patient with him right now. He is trying to cope with being a full time dad now. He needs your encouragment more than ever...while he tries to make things easier for the child. Good Luck and hope all turns out well.

Answer 8

Yes I understand. I stepped up to a similar situation. I am now married to him. His first girlfriend had a baby and he cares for her now. Her mother never really wanted her. This was very hard for me when we were first dating. I found myself rushing for his lap before her. Hopeing he wanted to see me.. He does hes with you. A bond with a child is a wonderful thing. He is honorable for taking it on. You should support this. I know this is hard.When I met my husband his daughter was 3. So cute. Life changes when you have children.. You must share your time teach them and help them grow up to be good people. This child will look up to you. As a mom as my step daughter did me. You have to make a really big decision now.... For yourself that child and him. What do you really want.?... Are you ready? He is older but this may not matter. What does he want? did you ask?

Its only been a week.... Alot for him to deal with now.... He will think of his child now? Wonder what to do? Know that his child will never know his or her mom? His choices and actions will focus on this for a while..... Helping him find these answeres, may also help you. You need to talk as i did. After a 2 years in my relationship His daugher asked are u my mom.? This was a shock as she didnt know of a mother... and wanted one. My husband said he would never let her call someone else mom. Out of the hurt it would cause her...This hurt but he did it for her. He did let her call me mom a few months later.? suprised the hell put of me but he did. I said what are u doing? He replied You are her mom. I knew then He really cared for me. He wasn't wondering if i was the one. HE knew. Your boyfriend will look out for his child first. If you do hang in there... And communicate You may have a similar outcome. I dont think you are jelious. Just wanting his Love. Dont stress over this.. Decide what you want first. ARE YOU READY TO BE A MOM? you will be to that child. Even if the word mom is not used. If you wanna talk or have questions email me At [e-mail]. Im here to help. Good luck i understand Before you do anything Ask and answer these questions? If yes you want this to work. Find time for you to be together. After hours , or get a sitter. It wont be forever that you feel like this. You will learn to love and know the joy of having a family .

Answer 9

You sound jealous and a tad bit immature. That is his son/daughter. If you two are planning a life together that life now includes a child. Step up to the plate or get out now. That baby needs a mother.

Answer 10

So, basically you’re upset that you’re getting less attention from boyfriend now that his son is living with you full-time. That’s kind of childish. You either need to grow up OR face that fact that you can’t handle the changes in this relationship (which aren’t boyfriend’s fault by the way) and end it.