like I have no life - more than that I feel absolutely heartbroken/guilty for regarding my own parents - knowing that they too must have felt like this at some point. When I was a teenager especially I know that they both suffered with depression etc Yet at the time my sister and I as selfish/blinkered adolescents only expected all they sacrificed for us..rather than appreciated.. In my mind then they had had their lives - 50 seemed so old I thought that they had lived so long.. I felt like my life was still ahead of me and ofcourse I was going to be the perfect parent in my mind them (at the time in my head) having 'ruined my life!!??' (huh?) At the time all they did for me was just thrown back in their face and both of us caused them many a tear and broken nights sleep. My Mum spent her whole life raising kids and my Dad was a constant worrier - even to this day so I know family life was a big disappointment to them.. now recently I feel history is repeating itself..
2007-02-15 02:26:57 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
..I feel like like my Mum, drowing in a ground hog day of tedious chores (when she did it though I just expected it and did not even think to thank her - no wonder she often looked worn down or withdrawn).. I feel like my Dad did - that his life was over and all anxious/constantly worried about my own wee girl.
All in all I just feel tormented with the past and disillusioned from the same future I imagine - because at the moment although I adore and dote on my wee girl I find many aspects of family life so dull - then I feel guilty for thinking this.. then I worry she will get too much like we did and not appreciate the value of things, then I worry that she will be the same horrible adolescents that we were and regarding my parents as they are both poorly/don't keep well I worry that I will not have time to make it up to them.
Also on a selfish note sometimes I wish that someone was looking after me still - yet I know I am a grown up so should not feel that way if makes sense
2007-02-15 02:31:35 · update #1
I really don't think you are alone, although maybe more honest than some other mothers. I know my mother felt this way when I was little and she felt a great guilt for feeling this way. I'm a grown adult now and I really respect my mother for the good job she did although like you, feel sad of the way I acted as a child and teenager. On another note, I remember another relative of mine feeling jealous of my lifestyle because I didn't have children and she felt I had so much freedom. However, I also envied her in some ways as she had a lovely little boy. Could you discuss how you feel with your parents now? Don't feel guilty!
2007-02-15 02:45:11 · answer #1 · answered by sammy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
I have felt exactly the same as you do on many occasions, and these thoughts come and go from time to time. My girls are now 10 and 13 and I adore them, but at times I feel like an invisible slave, despite the fact that they are well-behaved, thoughtful and appreciative! The kind of sacrifice your parents made and that you will make are being made daily by parents all over the world. You needn't feel guilty for your parents' efforts, that was their choice. There is no such thing as a perfect parent, and even those who raise children successfully feel that they have put their own lives on hold and experience moments of resentment. The only thing to do is to try and find some time or some work for yourself, because in the end you do your children a favour. By being satisfied with your own life, you don't place resentment on them for the things you can't do. As for your parents, it might be nice to buy them a small gift and to tell them exactly what you have written here. It's not too late to let them know they did a good job. Wouldn't you be pleased to hear as much from your own daughter? Chin up, your feelings are soooo normal!
2007-02-15 02:49:40 · answer #2 · answered by Shona L 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
All this does make perfect sense! It really sounds to me that you are becoming depressed.
Please don't feel bad for feeling the way you do and thinking the things you think. Staying at home and caring for children...even though they are the love of your life is very demanding mentally. It does get boring and monotomous, every day can feel the same...and it can be frustrating doing a household chore, then having to do it over and over and over....the same chore! It's mind bending.
What you really must do as soon as you can is start to write out a time table for your week and include something each day that is just for you...your daughter can come too, but indulge a little each day. Do try to get out of the house as much as you can...you may not feel like it but it is important because then being at home won't be so hum drum you'll be glad to get home.
Look for groups you can attend with your daughter, how about the pair of you going swimming? Some pools have a creche so you can get your own swim after you've both been in the water together.
Now as for the housework....is this as important as your mental health? Look, do what is absolutely essential and no more....try to follow the good enough principle. You need more than housework in your life.
Really set to thinking about the things you'd like to do...go to your local library and look into groups where you can meet like minded people. Honestly, this is so important.
The reason you are having these guiltly feelings about your parents is that you are in a poor frame of mind and you need to remember you weren't bad kids...you were normal adolescents! All teens drive their parents nuts!
It may be a good idea to see your doctor and explain the way you are feeling if things don't settle down soon, you may need a short course of antidepressants that can help you while you start to build a new way of coping at home.
I know, that when my two children were young and I lived in Wales away from all my family, I was driven to despair at times but then I started a course...just one afternoon a week and got someone to mind the children and I found that really really helped.
I hope this helps.
Best wishes
2007-02-15 03:21:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everything your wrote is so common for mothers with small children. Having gone through three kids while I suffered with major depression, all I can tell you is that the greatest reward in this life is your children. Your parents knew that and sacrificed knowing that teens rebel. They were teens, you were a teen and your child will be a teen. The great part is when the teens grow up, know what their parents sacrificed and finally have a chance to show gratitude by doing the same with your own children. Life is truely a cycle; and the guilt you are feeling is part of that cycle. Learn to forgive yourself, know that you will need to forgive your own kids; and enjoy the moments you are given with your wee ones now because they will grow up more quickly than you can imagine. Find the support of other mothers with young kids...it is a tremendous help! Blessings!
2007-02-15 03:18:28 · answer #4 · answered by calgal2006 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being an adult comes with all these new responsibilites. While sometimes it is a bummer to have to do all these things and sacrifice a part of our life, there are also good points. Sure, raising children can be trying, but there are wonderful points about having a children. I'm sure that while you're remembering all the hard times you put your parents through, they are remembering the good times they had with you. Have a child will be tough sometimes, and you may feel like losing it a little, but in the end it is worth it. As long as you instill good values into your daughter, and try the best you can, then you've been a good parent.
2007-02-15 02:41:48 · answer #5 · answered by blue_girl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You sound depressed to be! it is possible for you to be suffering from PND.
I sometimes feel like i have no life - all i do is wash , cook and clean, change nappies and do jigsaws and sometimes it gets a bit too much, and when i need something nobody is there!
What many people seem to think is that family life is perfect, its the best thing ever, it can be! but it is also the hardest thing ever. there are so many sacrifices and changes that happen to your life when you have a child that sometimes it is hard to come to terms with all this!
get yourself off to your gp and enjoy your child!! she wont be little for long and you need to make the most of it! when you see what a lovely little girl she has turned out to be you will be so proud
my 2 year old copied me and counted to 3 the other day, and i was so proud as i taught him that!
chin up chick!
2007-02-15 03:12:24 · answer #6 · answered by Jemmax 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All you can do is let your parents know how you feel now and that you appreciate and love them for all the sacrifices they made for you. It's wonderful that you realize that and they need to hear you say it. I'm sure you are not a disappointment to them. You see now because of your little one how much love a parent has and it doesn't go away when you are grown. I'm sure they are still are looking out for you in their own way.
Happiness is a choice. Yes, life can bring things that try to take it away and get us depressed, but just choose to be happy with your precious little one. Make the best of what you have been given.
2007-02-15 02:39:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
you have to put all the bad thoughts in the back of your mind tonight, sleep well and wake up the next morning and start fresh, don't think it could or it should have been different if we would have done this and that, it is in the past my dear, look around you....there are lots of people in this world who are living in the worst condition (sometimes impossible) yet they have hope and continue to live and enjoy the life as much as possible.... I don't know how much free time you have, but make some time for your parents, it is never late...let your sweet daughter see, what you are doing and always talk to her , she might not understand it very well now, but she will as she grows older, go to the heart of nature as much as you can, have a family picnics and use our beautiful parks. Lets learn from plants, turn our head from the dark and try to pull our self up to the light.
Don't look back unless you want to learn a lesson only, and no regrets....enjoy the life and look in to the bright future that you are going to built for yourself and the family.
2007-02-15 05:57:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I encourage you to seek a therapist and/or tell your doctor. Meds work best when you couple it with good therapy. If you aren't getting anything out of therapy, switch providers.
In the meantime, would you write down a list of things you are grateful for? Or things that make you happy? Include something about each child you have and your spouse. That will help keep you grounded and centered.
Cycles can be broken. but not if you don't take those steps and WORK at it. It's too easy to fall back into your patterns and a lot of work to crawl out of them. But it is worth it and your children will be freed of a life of what you are suffering from. It is also possible that you have postpartum depression or undiagnosed bipolar disorder. You must seek a professional. It can consume you and your family to succumb to depression.
Best of luck to you.
2007-02-15 03:09:06 · answer #9 · answered by Lisa A 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You may be suffering from depression, see your doctor. As for feeling like you have no life.....you look at her every day. Don't fall into the same routine your parents did, change it now. Stuff the cleaning up! It doesnt need doing every day. Clean up as you use things and it'll be tidy. Don't be thinking all the time....it turns you into a constant worrier. Things will be fine if you make a change now x
2007-02-15 02:42:11 · answer #10 · answered by mishnbong 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋