Nothing mjor has happened. An old boyfriend contacted me. He is married with three kids. We have seen on another twice. He wants to take this further. Usual lines about not happy with wife, etc. I refused to marry him about ten years ago for reasons I don't remember. Tell me how this is a mistake and I will regret it.
2007-02-15 01:45:08 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
What would happen if the wife found out? Surely you would hate to know that someone is cheating with your partner - so do not do let anyone else be in that situation because of you.
2007-02-15 01:51:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men what what they can't have. You did not want to marry him when he was with you now the guy is married with 3 kids. There is nothing to take further because # 1. He is married w/ 3 kids. # 2. You broke up with him 10 yrs ago, just think if you married him he would be cheating on you. He sounds like a guy who is looking to cheat and is using the old line "he's not happy." I do not think his wife would be that happy if she knew what he was up to. This is a mistake because it is wrong to be with a man you know is married. Think of how this would effect his wife and children. I would not look to get myself raped up in this drama. Don't feed this guys ego by making him think after 10 years you still are after him. That's where he is going to go with this. You think he would be entertaining this if he dumped you.
2007-02-15 10:02:42 · answer #2 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First I think that you have already talked yourself out of this or you wouldn't have asked for help. If it was right for you , there would not be a need for anyone to talk you out of it. I think that a part of you wants someone to say it is okay to get back with this guy, although you know you will be distracting him from his family. There are only so many hours in a day and this man has a wife and three children, what time would be left for you. He is a coward and if he is truly unhappy, which I doubt,then he needs to clear things up in his life instead of trying to drag you into a mess. I have never known this to work out in a healthy positive way for the other women, hope I have talked you out of it. lol.
2007-02-15 10:01:12 · answer #3 · answered by myleshunt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is how this is a mistake - you will always feel as a second best. When you truly need someone next to you (night time, holidays) you'll end up on your own.
The unhappy married life, haven't had sex with my wife for months... that's really not true. I've heard people say it when I knew it wasn't true, even I said it myself.
If you really love this guy, tell him what would be the circumstances under which you'd get back with him, otherwise, it is truly better to look for someone else. It'll save you a lot of heartbrake.
2007-02-15 09:50:00 · answer #4 · answered by tamara_cyan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is wrong.
if he is unhappy, then he needs to work on his marriage. NOT cheat on his WIFE!
be thankful that you didn't marry him b/c you could be the wife with 3 kids at home and think that your husband is great and wonderful, meanwhile, he's checking into a motel 6 with some other woman.
be the good person and don't do it. stop seeing him and move on unless he can show you divorce papers showing he is single.
take care.
p.s. if he can get one thing from you and another thing from her, then why would he ever leave??? make him choose. if he chooses his wife, then you dodged a bullet. ifhe chooses you, then maybe you have a shot at happiness.
p.s.
i wa sthe other woman in college and he would talk about this bad relationship, but there was so much history with her that he just couldn't bring himself to leave. he made me feel great, but eventually i realized that i deserved sooo much better. so, i moved on and now i'm married to a great guy and very happy.
2007-02-15 09:50:47 · answer #5 · answered by joey322 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a mistake and you will regret it! He wont leave his wife for you. Your feelings will become confused and leave you upset and frustrated. EVERYONE WILL BE HURT if you are ever found out. And what about the CHILDREN. Could you live with yourself knowing that you helped end their parents marriage. It would never work their would be too much grief involved for you to forgive each other.
Also this could be a temporary blip in the marriage and instead of working through it, he is being a jerk and taking the 'easy' way out.
2007-02-15 09:50:29 · answer #6 · answered by Starkitty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, this is a man you didn't want to marry 10 years ago. There was something about him that you didn't like then, and it will probably resurface this time as well. He may have remembered your relationship and could have missed things about you, but it could also be a revenge plot on his part.
It would be a mistake to be a mistress for so many reasons. It may sound appealing to be the object of a man's desire. To have him tell you nice things about yourself and to seem happy when he is with you. He would probably take you to nice restaurants, write nice letters, and would romance you. You would fall in love with this side of him and would think he's a great guy. You could have a lot of fun with him, and your dates could be out of the ordinary, because they will be few and far between. You could become emotionally attached to him and for him, it's just an escape from his marriage.
One day, his wife will demand more from him, or she will find out about you. It may be because he feels guilty and wants to confess to her, or she just may find out. Then she will confront you and you will be in the center of a fight that you don't want to be in. The kids could find out about you and they could even confront you as well. How would you feel about yourself then?
You have to realize that his family is his top priority and as much as he denies it, he is emotionally attached to what he has. He may not be happy, but he is looking to solve this in the wrong way. He should be talking to his wife, going to counseling and not trying to be with you.
If you persue this, you will have to get used to feeling like a nobody when he is not around. You won't be able to call him whenever you want. He will be at home while you are on your own. Even if you're in the hospital, he won't be able to be with you because he has a family. In his world at home, you will not exist. He will not talk about you to his family or friends and you will not be with him for the holidays. He will fill your head with empty promises of divorce just to keep you around. And you may believe everything he says because you love him, or think you do.
In the end, you will be the one who is hurting. He already has someone at home and if she's a good woman, she will stay by him no matter what. He will end up staying with her, as long as she wants him. And if you do get involved, you may end up in over your head. Meaning you will put up with things you normally wouldn't and you will start to think less of yourself. Someday, you will wake up and wonder why you have been wasting your life with someone who is so deceitful and mean.
2007-02-17 09:40:34 · answer #7 · answered by torn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Big mistake. They will say that they don't love their wives, they're there for the kids, they don't sleep with their wives. Total bull-corn. They are just trying to have the best of both worlds and any woman who falls for the BS is stupid. Believe me, I did it when I was 19. They wont leave their wives and on the very rare occasion that they do, they will never be faithful to you either. Its not worth the heartache, being alone for holidays, keeping the relationship secret, not being able to meet his parents, it feels like you and your relationship are hidden away and can't be celebrated. God forbid that you fall in love with him, then you will start to care about him sleeping with his own wife, like she's the other woman. When you're the other woman, you feel cheated out of a whole relationship and you are hanging on to a fantasy or a hope that he will love you completely. He wont.
I am much happier having MY OWN relationship that I don't have to hide.
2007-02-15 10:02:26 · answer #8 · answered by Roni 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a very sad situation and its happened to me a number of times but I leave the guy alone.
He needs to be left alone to sort his world out. If he divorces his wife and stays alone for about a year, then he is safe to date again but until he gets his world straightened out he is "unavailable" and any relationship with him will hurt everyone involved, you, him, his wife and his kids.
Don't get involved with people who aren't available. Its a bad habit to get in and everyone will be unstable with incredible high ups and downs and bounding from one unsuccessful relationship to another.
He needs to be alone for a while and not co dependent on women to make his life happy. He has to make his own life happy before he will be good for anyone. The chances that he will leave his wife is very slim. Someone co dependent will stay in a bad relationship rather than jump ship for uncertainty and time alone. The last thing he wants is time alone to sort things out and decide what he really wants. He wants some woman to do that for him. Don't do for him what he must do for himself.
In addition, don't let him do for you what you should do for yourself and consider what it is you really want and who you really are.
2007-02-15 09:53:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is a married man! you should already forget about that! would you want some slut to be macking on your husband if you were married! there must have been a good reason ten years ago so hell sit down and think about what you are doing here! the past is the past you cant relive it now! dont do it
2007-02-15 09:50:37 · answer #10 · answered by Oh_man_thats_me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋