When I was young about 6yrs old, my mum would leave me in the house on my own when my dad was nightshift, her reason she was having an affair. One night I woke up at midnight there was no-one home but me the dog and cat, I called my mum as I was scared, I was crying and really frightened and asked her to come home, she wouldnt come she just said you will be ok now go back to bed..
I lay there crying for ages and must have cried myself to sleep, next morning she said dont you ever call me again with your put on crying and looking for attention, I was really hurt and cried all day.. When her other man died I was 17 she never ever left my dad and he knew what she was doing and put up with it because he loved her so much, she couldnt cope without her b/f so took an overdose, she left a note and I found it ,got her up and made her sick my dad was so upset by it all,she said life was not worth living without the b/f, I felt hurt for my dad and me as she was saying we meant nothing to her
2007-02-14 23:22:13 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I cant forget all this or forgive her for it, Im 41 now Ive tried to forgive and forget, but I just cant, Im a mum and I would never put any man before my kids.. I am in love with someone but would never leave my kids alone to be with him...
I just dont know how she could do that I think she was really selfish and to say what she said to me Ive never got over it even thinking of it hurts me so much , my friend says I should be more understanding and see it from her side, Ive even done this but cant see how she could have left me alone..... I do love her and would miss her if she werent here, but sometimes when I see her I feel so angry at her, for this she even tries to make out she was always there for me but she wasnt and I have made remarks about it, and she said that hurt me.. Am I being unreasonable toward her?
2007-02-14 23:28:50 · update #1
**** her... Just because she berthed you doesn't mean you owe her anything.
2007-02-14 23:33:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not being unreasonable towards her. She was very selfish and irresponsible. Today they call it neglect.
However, you will gain nothing by beating a dead horse. Be pleased that you have learned from her, the things a mother should not do to their kids. She has made you stronger and self reliant. Your bond with your kids will be ever so much better. You will be rewarded in joy with the things your children do. You can be proud of yourself. I do also feel for your dad, as he has sacrificed too. And no offense to your mom, but cowards deserve little. She tried to take the easy way out, and inflicted more pain in the process.
I don't know if she has changed or not, sounds like not much. Maybe she can do better by your children, although I wouldn't give her much responsibility, as she might let you down. leopards do not frequently change their spots.
2007-02-15 09:14:23 · answer #2 · answered by TopCatt 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey you are in no way being unreasonable actually your being pretty reasonable b-c I don't think that I would ever be able to even speak to her let alone say I love her she obviously doesn't know what love is. And the suicide stunt was unthinkable how could she do that to you her own flesh and blood. How could she claim that you meant so little to her that she would end her life and destroy yours and your fathers for some MAN. I would say that you are definitely better off with her not in your life But I am more worried about your children please do not let her inflict the same hurt and pain on them as she did you. Good luck and best wishes with everything. You deserve to move on with your life and put the past where it belongs in the past and I would put her right in the past with everything else AND TRY TO FORGET IT ALL.
2007-02-15 08:02:31 · answer #3 · answered by Tonya B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think what you are feeling is natural, I'm sure I'd feel the same way - but if I were you I'd get some professional help (therapist), you have to understand that by holding on to unforgiveness you are actually hurting yourself more than anyone else. Your Mom's priorities were obviously out of whack but it would be beneficial for you and all your relationships to forgive - if you can't forgive on your own then seek professional help. Another thing - just because you forgive someone doesn't mean that you have to have a relationship with them - it's about making peace within yourself - the forgiveness is for you, not your Mom.
2007-02-15 10:39:26 · answer #4 · answered by Zabes 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definitely not. You are not being unreasonable. She sure was selfish, and what she did was uncalled for, and I don't think I could forgive if I were in that situation. What you are feeling is completely normal. At least you know from experience that you will not do that to your own kids, so all I can say is, at least you got something out of it. But as for your mom, she is not a nice person. Good luck with your future.
2007-02-15 07:36:35 · answer #5 · answered by bostonchick 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's legitimate to feel angry with her. It's no good for you to punish yourself because of her though.
Did I read you were having feelings for another man? Is this some sort of copying of your mothers behaviour to give her some sort of legitimacy?
Somebody's comment said you'll be seeing a shrink forever. That's not the case as you will be fine, but I think you should begin seeing some sort of counsellor (maybe a shrink) as talking through your feelings and understanding them will help you move on.
Or become a stay at become internet porn star.
2007-02-15 08:05:13 · answer #6 · answered by brown one 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Am sorry for you. And i agree that what she did was wrong. Try as much as you can to forgive her. You will never have another mom and the day that she wont be around you will wish you had forgiven her and made peace.
2007-02-15 08:29:09 · answer #7 · answered by sue 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not being selfish. She is the selfish one. What she did by leaving you alone at 6 was abuse and neglect. If it had been reported, she would have been put in jail.
2007-02-15 09:26:52 · answer #8 · answered by eharrah1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately we cannot choose our parents, and it sounds like you got a bad deal on Both of them. Your father is guilty also because he was an Enabler to your Mom. He allowed her to treat you both like S***.You and your dad need to build up your self esteem and get on with your Lives. Yall simply do not need someone Like your Mom in your Lives.. I wish you Both Good Luck!.
2007-02-15 07:30:42 · answer #9 · answered by donna_honeycutt47 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't grow up to be like her. She's lucky that you would even have anything to do with her all these years later. You're a better person, you put your kids first. That's something she has to live with, not you.
2007-02-15 09:06:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand, not exactly the same, but similar. Don't feel bad at all, she hurt you dearly. You felt the pain, you are the one who was scared by her actions. So keep up with yourself, and don't let her try to bring you down to her level.
2007-02-15 09:10:19 · answer #11 · answered by sillyredhead 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋