Why does my boyfriend still want to be such good friends with his ex??

Question

My boyfriend, of just about 1 year, still keeps in constant contact with his ex, who in my opinion manipulates him, he refuses to stop talking to her, saying they are just friends. They go out for breakfast and lunch sometimes, and he pays, she somehow always forgets her money. She always calls for the stupidest things, like someone stealing her backpack, or one of her friends got engaged, but he will make excuses for her then, saying she also wanted to see how he was or he was interested in her piece of information in my opinion shes doing this just to stay in contact with him. She currently has a bf why won't she just call him? She tells him he is different when he is around me, and she doesn't like it, and for some reason calls sweetest day & valentines day, just to say hi or because her grandma said hi. Is something wrong with me or do they still have a thing, he thinks shes a nice girl, but I think she has other motives, am I the one who's nuts??

Answer 1

Were they in a long term relationship? Obviously there are no hard feelings between them about the breakup. If you trust him you would ask this question. A jealous ex (that's what she is) is gonna find some way to keep ahold on him, let him know that it makes you uncomfortable to see him hang around with her and ask him how he would feel if you started hanging around with an attractive ex of yours, who called you all the time and paid for your meals. With the tables turned he should see the light. Good Luck

Answer 2

Looks like a problem there.

Go with your gut on that one.

Just take it logically. He might say it's not a big deal. So, if it's not a big deal, he should just stop talking with her.

I think paying for meals is going too far.

At least he's telling you, right?

I had a gf once who continually talked to her ex bf. I don't think she realized how annoying it was as I wasn't doing the same thing back to her and I doubt anyone else she went out with previously had done that. She just didn't get it. She still liked the guy which is understandable, but really. You can only do stuff like that to a certain extent before it becomes rude and demeaning to the new person. Some people just don't have common courtesy.

He's got to stop living in the past. Maybe you should just let him know how you feel, then don't go out of your way at all to communicate with him. Let him figure it out on his own that if he wants to keep something going with you he's got to put some attention on your relationship, not that old one.

Answer 3

It sounds like you have told him that you don't appreciate his ex constantly calling and making up excuses to talk or hang out with him. The reason he has you as his current gf is for him to do those things with you and include you in his life. Sure they may still be friends and may have kept those communication lines open after breaking up but even so he should have put your mind at ease. I would not be comfortable with this because they once did have a romantic relationship even if they say its not there anymore and they are just buddy buddy, you can't be 100% sure. What I suggest is you sit down again with him tell him that you don't feel secure about him taking her calls all the time and hanging out with her then go on to say that since you are apart of his life currently to make you feel that way instead of a third wheel. If he can't respect you or your wishes move on because the last thing you want is to put more time into this relationship to later found out that something was going on between the two of them and frankly you don't need to put up with that kind of cr@p.

Answer 4

You have every right to be a little more than upset. First off, your boyfriend is proving to you by his actions that he hasn't let go yet. Her actions show that she is abusing that fact. This happened to me so I understand the frustration.

If I were you, I would take a big step that could be risky. Tell him that you care about him and you don't know if you can compete for his attentions with his ex because you deserve better than that. (You do.)

Then tell him you think it's best that you take a break until he figures out what he really wants, and if it's her that you wish the best for him.

As long as he feels it is okay he will continue to hold on to that relationship. As soon as you are 'out of the picture' in the ex's eyes she might completely lose interest if he is no longer 'unattainable'. He will realize what a huge mistake he made. If she does continue interest and breaks up with her boyfriend, obviously they were meant to be, and you can move on with your life.

Either way, you deserve better than what he is doing.

Answer 5

They have a thing. There is nothing wrong with them maintaining a friendship after breaking up but to maintain that close of a friendship while they both have other significant others is wrong IMO. If they kept it minimal that would be fine but the way you make it sound it sounds as if they have more interest in each other then he is saying. I think you should tell him you don't appreciate it. I think if you stay with him for a while longer you will get sick of it and break up with him on your own. I think even without advice you are going to make the best decision in the long run depending on his future actions.

Answer 6

It's the feelings. Hey I still do that cause with a blink of an eye, I still see a lot of what me and my ex went threw. It's hard to let go but I eventually did. Your bf might want to do the same.

Answer 7

i have no prob with any past boyfriends being friends with their exes, as i am best mates with one of mine. in fact i would prefer my boyfriend to be friends with his exes as it shows a level or maturity and an ability to forgive and forget.
in this case, however, i do think the ex girlfriend feels more than just friendly towards your boyfriend, though that doesnt mean those feelings are returned. dont try to stop your boyfriend from seeing her, and dont act in a jealous fashion as this will only be a turn-off for him. instead flatly say you think he should just be a little cautious of her feelings towards him and that too much time spent with her might send her wrong signals. dont let him believe that you are affected by their relationship in any way, shape or form. this way you will end up the bigger person. good luck!

Answer 8

for me being still friends with his ex is not bad, but going out with her,having dinner is too much.maybe the best thing you should do is to talk to your bf and tell him how you feel.you know what? i experienced what u are experiencing right now.before my bf is doing the same way your bf is doing right now.i dont pay any attention with it cause i trusted my bf more than a hundred percent so now i loose him. if you really love him and you know he loves you as well fight for your right before its not too late...dont let urself waking up one morning learning your bf was already back in his ex-girlfriend's side.obviously his ex is trying to get his heart back.thats all i can see.think it over.

take care...god bless

Answer 9

I hate it when boys do that. he has tomake a choice. Exes are a pain the behind. it is better off when they are kept at arms length. And why is he up dating him on stuff again. And this guy irritates me cos he keeps on making excuses for her. if he still has feelings for him he should let you know.You have a right to be worried cos there is something that is not right.those are your instincts warning you.

Answer 10

Warning
Step away from the boyfriend
Get out of there fast, He hasn't let her go
you are right and so does he, they probably have an arrangement to see other people while their relationship grows