Workplace socializing?

Question

Hi, I'm new at this office. On the lunch breaks I usually hang out with the other secretaries. Most of whom are already married or way older than me. In my previous workplace, the men:women ratio was 20:3 and most of us were around the same age so we hung out after hours and on holidays even.
I know there are several guys and girls from the other divisions at this workplace around my age too. But they hang out seperately and I don't know how to start mingling with these people. The girls (as competitive as girls are) seem to look at me as a threat or is it just my negativity talking? Cos I met one of them once or twice in the restroom but was too intimidated to start a conversation, she seemed unfriendly too. What should I do? Be satisfied with my condition and forget trying to make friends with them? or could you give me any good moves to start getting to know them.

Oh yeah, and what bothers me the most is that they laugh out loud in their separate room. I just wanna fit in?

I'm 25 and single.

I am considered fun to be with and still asked to hang-out now and then with my former co-workers.

But that cold shoulder I got still gives me the chills to even gather up the nerve (or the will, even) to start any chit-chat with them. I've made friends with almost everyone in the office (office 'helpers', drivers, the girls at the receptionist desk).

I guess they might have the preconception of me being a snob too.

I'll try to muster up some smiles and small talk then. Even if I might not like them.

Answer 1

First off.....male or female - go to work - to earn a living. Be cordial to people - but for gods sake - work.

Work is not a place you go to every day to find your next click to "fit into"/date/boy friend/lover/one night stand/etc......

what is it with people who have to bring the "HIGH SCHOOL" environment with them to into their adult career life.

Ask yourself -
1) do I need to "break" with anybody!?
2)can I break - alone?
3)am I capable of looking at each and every member of the staff in the eye and seeing a staff member on a business level and not as a male vs. a female
4)why do I care one I-ota what the other girls think about me - because I'm an adult now - I am past the trival games played all while growing up in school.
5)can I go to work confident and comfortable in who (I) am as a mature adult - who go's to work to earn a living (above all else) because in order to survive - I need to eat - I need nurishment to function and I don't want to be homeless.
6)Do I seek friendships in the work place because (I) have NO SOCIAL LIFE after 5pm?
7)Can (I) spend the rest of my working career (actually) careing about what people in the work place think of me?
8)Isn't that a huge taxing burden - today in and today out - living/thinking/dressing/acting - FOR OTHERS.
9)Do (I) really want to be/act/think/compete like they do.?

Most importantly - and this you can BANK ON - Know this and really let it sink in...............................

The Men and the Women in your work place who are Married - basically are stuck in a rut - bored and have no outside stimulation so they seek - the old ways of their youth and reinact their old flirtatious ways - seeking to be desired again - and seeking acceptance from both Men and Women - filling a huge gap that they closed off when they tied themselves down and began life with a husband and had children. They my be glad they chose thier way of life - but on a daily basis they see in a younger pretty (perhaps) co-worker and all the possibilites that lay ahead for that person and at the same time they question themselves and the choices they have made and the "what if's" "could have's" "should have's" "if I could turn back the hands of time" - moments keep plagueing/haunting them day in and day out - again - because they are (probably) wishing they had done things different - and they envy the freedom and the spirit that is in you.
Sit a listen to what they say - if there is a consistant aire of negativity - keep your distance - don't let their old ways - pull you into old thinking and behavior.

Confidence is key!!

Never think you NEEEEDDD this JOBBBBB there are many others.

NEVER EVER EVER divulge too much information yourself - you confide in one and it's guaranteed 5 or more will be enlightened as well.

Rethink the way you should be acting/behaving at work.set the bar high in a mature likeable (not needy) way. Give off a charming aire but NEVER show them or lead them to think you are seeking approval - their approval - that is a sure sign of weakness and the wolves eat that up.

Answer 2

Just start talking to them. When I started this one job years ago I tried talking to a couple people, it turns out they were not very nice or the "right" people to talk to, so I gave up. I minded my own buisness and went about my job. 5 years later I found out I was considered the biggest snob in the place!
But it sounds like you already have some nice workplace friends in the secretaries, just because they are older or married doesn't mean they can't be your friends, just as you don't have to be friends with the people around your age.

Answer 3

Here is a suggestion for you. Be more concerned with your job performance than how many friends you are making in your new job. The only thing you are a threat to is the next promotion from your level. Say hello, be polite and ALWAYS BE PROFESSIONAL. Unless you chose this job as your social life, do not mix business and pleasure, or disclosing too much of your personal life, or you may live to regret it. Keep your focus on the quality of your work, and the right people will come to you.
Take care.

Answer 4

I think I can understand how you're feeling. I've worked in offices where people were not very friendly to newcomers unles they were "cool." Made you think you were back in high school again. I've also worked in offices where workers didn't socialize with the secretaries, mailroom clerks, etc. It was just unheard of to invite a secretary to have lunch. There was definitely a class difference. What I've learned is that I just be friendly to everyone and not try to concern myself with trying to make friends with people who really aren't interested. I still can find myself working with everyone professionally and leave it at that. Just being friendly and being who I am have made me realize who are my real friends are in the workplace and outside of the job.

Answer 5

My advice to you is what most people will tell you. The easiest and the hardest thing is making that initial contact, but it is necessary. If you wait for them to come to you it may never happen. Now when you decide to make your move just be yourself and don’t spend too much time concerning yourself with what they initially think of you. You know as well as I do that when you first meet someone it is a little awkward but the more time that is spent together the ore your able to bond. So my advice, go say hello to them during a brake and be your self.

Answer 6

Well the work place gossip is the WORST thing you want, don't do it man i'm telling ya, don't open up a door on yourself by telling someone oh so and so moved in with me (or something like that) so that your co-worker can ask oh are you 2gether. People mean no good i've had done to me, Just think to your self i know me i don't want you to know me... i don't even want you thinking about me. I'm a teacher and hang out with other teachers and listen but i rarely say anything

Answer 7

Ya gotta break the ice somehow. My biggest problem when meeting new people is that if I'm intimidated from the start, I clam up and don't say anything. As a result, they sometimes misconstrue my behavior as a sign that I think I'm snobby and too good to talk to them, so they don't ever bother to approach me. So, I say you should try your best to be friendly and approachable (but not annoying, either).