should i stay with a man i dont love?

Question

becuse we have 2 kids and 1 on the way, i have tried many times to break up with him but he gets violent when i tell him i want to finish i know you probably think well why get pregnant but it just happened we hardly have sex i cannot stand him kissing me but give in to sex as he can get nasty if he doesnt get it and i end up getting grief all night

Answer 1

you are in such a trap. while he is at work, make way and dont leave a trail. get a restraining order.

Answer 2

Hello Kara Honey,
you say you already have 2 children with this man. and another on the way, you have to remember you probably went into this relationship with your eyes wide open, and thought something happy could come of it, I am so sorry that it hasn't, and now you are in a difficulty that is not just potentially Violent, but also very difficult to get you and your babies away from, to a safer place than you have now. Well first of all you are not alone, you have a lot of people on your side, including me, so let's see what we can do, there are such places now for Battered wives, and they will shelter those who are under threats of being dedep in trouble with partners, thing is, your children are going to make it easy for you to have your case dealt with fast......
I don't know where you are, and I can only advise you as if you lived in England, so lets assume that you do live in England, The first real option that you have is to put yopur trust in someone like the Social Services, or The Citizens Advice office. They will all have addresses fo you to run to, and take your children too, you have to trust someone, and it might as well be these people. and when the first opportunity arises, get your little family down to their offices, and cry a lot. and make them see that you are under all these threats, and that you are at risk. make an appointment with your doctor and keep it, have your body checked, and when you get home you can tell him the Doctor says sex is off the menu for at least a year, as you are in a spot of trouble with your 'Kerferculater Gland' ( call it what you like) and that sex is definitely off the menu for at least a year. Pardon me, I have no wish to be rude, but if ytou need that happy release, either get yourself another boyfriend or of course you can release yourself from all this pent up pressure, anything as long as you don't go back with him, he will think maybe its his fault, and be assured, your Doctor will tell him nothing, but he will prescribe medication like anti Biotics or whatever fore you, and even though you are well, you can always let your bathroom take your medicine, or evenm buy some smarties and put all the blue ones in a pill bottle, anything but stop the sex, and when he goes somewhedre else for it, you are not going to have him back then are you? and hd is still liable for your family of babies, if you are not able to hit him, well Honey Darlin' have the law do your fighting, and one last point, the asnswer to your 'header question is' NO you do not have to stay with a man you don't love, and you certainly don't have to have sex with him, if your answer is no to sex, than what he is doing is RAPE... have him busted, and let the law and his new playmetes in the jailhouse deal with his problem, it will put him right off sex, when he sees the bitches in the jail scratchin each others eyes out, to get to the new meat..........Kara Honey I hope I have helped, and I wish you much love comfort and very good luck. but do start to resolved this today!~~~~~~~~Bye Honey~~~~~Tony M

Answer 3

Ok, I can sympathise, I've seen this before.

You have to be strong, hang in there a bit while you plot and make plans to leave him and go somewhere safe. Go to a women refuge, parents or somewhere that he can't get his hands on you. Get the assistance of close friends and relatives that you can trust.

Don't tell him you want to end it,, just end it. Take the kids and as much of your stuff as you can and walk away!

Contact a solicitor, get an injunction out against him so he cant come near you if you fear for your safety.


No woman should have to endure this.

There are places/people that can help with this sort of thing. Use them,, don't be afraid to ask for help..

Answer 4

Kara, love is not supposed to hurt...and it is not a relationship as you describe it. For the sake of the children and your own well being, you need to get professional help in getting away from this man. The children will only see the violence and probably repeat the cycle as they get older, because they think it is normal. You as an adult, are just a physical piece of property for his pleasure, and you enable him by constanly giving in. A bad scenario.....so get to legal councel, get good protective custody, get to a place he cannot find you, go to the police because you are threatened and they MUST protect you. The privacy of closed doors hides a lot of improper actions that no one can see...you need to get out. Takes guts but you better find a way. Sooner or later you are going to get hurt real bad---he needs to get medical attention for his actions may be a tumor, or even a sugar imbalance. Could be anything. But you said it yourself, you are not in love so why stay.......he can't do this to you...seek family help, seek the church, seek crisis intervention, seek legal help, seek friends, seek the police...do NOT take this alone and by yourself. Millions go through this--you can get away. Good luck

Answer 5

Get out of there, and fast! You dont have to put up with this "nastyness" no way. No one has that right at all. You may think of staying with him for sake of kids, Dont do it, My parents stayed together for sake of kids for years, my dad was violent and abusive, and in the end it did more damage that the "alleged" good of staying together for us. Get you and your kids away from this person as soon as possible, and start builiding up your life with people around you that respect you for you.
If you are scared of what he will do get down the CBA and then talk with your Dr, get some support form local groups / people victim support etc.

Answer 6

this is not good for you and the kids. if you feel you must stay try to get him some help with those problems, if you think he is willing. maybe anger management, or some type of therapy. if he drinks, suggest AA. there is also one for family members of addicts call Al-anon, might be spelled wrong. a woman i know goes, it really has helped her to gain strength and tools to help her cope.

if these are not options, find a way to leave him without notice. it would not be easy, but the current situation does not sound that way either. if you leave you might have a chance to be happy again, and you would give your kids one.

i apologize if the drinking thing was off base, was listening to my gut on that one.

Answer 7

yes you should get out, this situation will only cause your children to be angry and upset all that time. It will be hard at first but you will be able to stop walking on egg shells. Been in your situation and it went on for 7 years!!! I look back and realise he was the one with the problem and not me. I only had one child with this person and he doesn't bother with her only wanted me. I'm glad I took to courage to leave him. We ended up with nothing but I would do it all over again. Never again will a man get nasty and bully me. I am worth more than that. Your partner is a insecure person and until he sorts himself out you haven't got a chance.

Good luck and please think of your children...

Answer 8

Call the police, they will help you. They may help you get the locks changed and keep him away from you. Or if his violence is bad enough and you are scared for yours and your childrens safety, you will be placed in a battered wives home and you will be found alternative accommodation. You will be protected. As hard as it will be for you at first, it will be so worth it for you and your children in the end. Think of your children. Because it will only get worse. Get out now! Do not prolong the agony!
Feel free to email me for emotional support if you need to.
I wish you all the best!

Answer 9

When I was unhappy in my marriage, I pretended that every thing was fine so he wouldn't get suspicious. I packed some of my and my kids' clothes in a suit case and had my friend to pretend to borrow it. That got our clothes out. It was time to do the grocery shopping as well, so I asked him about all his favorites, that way he looked forward to me "shopping for them" yea right. I had the kids leave as normal for school, but actually wait nearby at a neighbors house; and as soon as he left for work, I left the state, so just go...God will help you if that's really what you want. Trust me and him, he will guide you when you think you can do no more!

Answer 10

Don't ever stay in a "less than ideal" situation for the sake of the children. First of all, you are in harm's way just because of the type of guy that he is (violent, abusive).

Secondly, if you stay "for the kids," the kids will grow up watching how their parents (you and your husband) interact and they will just assume that it's normal behavior...and guess what, they will EMULATE it in their relationships later in life. Your daughter(s) will accept a man who treats them like crap because they watched you deal with it and your son(s) will grow up believing that it's okay to treat women like that...because he watched Dad do it and Mom take it.

Granted, this is worst case scenario but think about it.

Answer 11

It sounds like you know the answer.
"NO!"
At this point, you have to think about the kids in the situation, if you dont leave for yourself, leave for them. You dont even know how badly they are being affected by this and dont think they dont notice, kids are smart and they pick up on bad vibes.
Look up your local battered womens shelter. These places provide excellent support. Take what you absolutely need and just leave, dont talk to him about it, dont even give him a chance to sabotage your freedom, just get out.