We are getting married on 4 August this year. It feels if he sits back and wait for everything to happen for him. My family pays for almost everything. His family doesn't have money. It bothers me because now he's got the habbit of not saving a cent... I got everything for the house, furniture, washing machine ext, so I asked him if he could buy our bed, and he says NO!!!! He doesn't want to pay for the weddingrings (which is according to the "wedding rules"), nothing. He is not even paying for the honeymoon. I am just scared that if I marry him, he will be as laydback as now! What is your opion on this, do you think he is ready?
2007-02-14 18:51:52 · 14 answers · asked by poepies 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Willis, sorry, I meant to give you a thumbs up, I appologise!
Thank you for everybody so far. And someone said that I actually alread answered my own question. Come to think of it, I did! Ouch! Anyway, I've been 5 years with him (we don't live together), but suddenly I realise that his mom is doing EVERYTHING for him... And I guess I can't do it!
2007-02-14 20:43:21 · update #1
This guy is not "laid back". He is lazy & a user; sees a free ride and is taking full advantage of your love & good nature.
Understand that right now he has his 'company manners' on. If you think it's bad now, wait until you're married. You can't even begin to imagine the misery you will be living.
Breaking up a relationship is hard. But if you do, one day you will look back and be ever so grateful that you did.
You need to find someone who is deserving of you & your hard work.
Good luck to you.
2007-02-14 20:19:31 · answer #1 · answered by weddrev 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
People don't change wake up one day and start acting different simply because they are married. He will be same person when you are married to him as he is now, and if you wouldn't want to be married to the person he is right now, then you shouldn't marry him.
In fact, it sounds to me like he doesn't want to/ isn't interested in getting married. Most men, even lazy and laid back ones tend to take some interest in the planning of their wedding and the finances for their future family. This guy sounds like a mooch. And you are allowing him to be a mooch. Think about it, when you are married your finances are going to be joint. If he does something incorrectly it can screw up both of your credit reports. If he can't save that isn't a good sign. If he doesn't want to pay for anything to help furnish your house it means he is NOT committed to the relationship.
Men who want to be in long term relationships try to help build nice stable little nests with their women so they both parties can be happy. If he isn't willing to contribute to the nest it means he isn't committed to the relationship. This guy does not sound like a match for you. I would advise you to get out while you still can. Call off the wedding, dump the guy, and consider it a learning experience.
2007-02-15 03:09:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Men are usually quite lazy with weddings as they think us girls love taking control. However, he sounds really tight, not paying for anything. Things will probably only get worse once you are married.
I hope he has a decent job and is going to contribute to things fairly.
I think you need to have a good chat about things with him to find out whether he does 'really' want to get married.....also ask him why? Is it to make you happy?
Things do not generally get better once married, I would say you are more likely to take each other for granted and become a little more lazy; unless you sort it out now.
2007-02-15 03:02:07 · answer #3 · answered by tray 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't say he is a "user", because users know the difference between right and wrong. He's just been taken care of all his life.
He apparently has not been taught how to be responsible for himself, have any ambition, or goals.
I'd say, no, you deserve better than this. But, then again, I am a total stranger and you should ask YOURSELF long and hard about this and make that difficult decison. It seems you are a person who wants to responsible and mature and an adult.
Good luck.
2007-02-15 09:17:59 · answer #4 · answered by Karen? 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he doesn't really care about the wedding ceremony and just going along because you want one. When he said no, did he give you a reason why? Did he just say no and walked out the door? Maybe he doesn't have the money. And if he works and doesn't have money, maybe you might want to know why. If he asked you to marry him, then i guess he's ready. Unless he really didn't ask you. Hmm. Well I hope it all works out.
2007-02-15 02:59:40 · answer #5 · answered by mmatthews000 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, the two of you should be paying for your own wedding, anyway.
The biggest thing for you to know is you can't change him. A person can only change him or her self. The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour. He doesn't sound ready for anything, let along marriage. You don't want to be a mother to him, but you deserve a partner. Red flags, girl.... sorry....
2007-02-15 08:09:48 · answer #6 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You cannot change people. He will be the same when you marry him. My husband is the same person before and after marriage and so am I. It sounds like he's not a very hardworking giving man. You guys sound like you are too different and he doesn't want to get married.
2007-02-15 02:58:24 · answer #7 · answered by Junebug 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Once a leaker always a leaker!
Dump him while you have the chance.
You are starting down a road of you losing your dignity & being frustrated with your life.WHY?.
You don't need him! Get that! Really!
People don't change!
Don't marry someone who needs to change.
Sounds like a class A dummy or loser.
Get someone that has some class and will respect you.
Don't signup for his bull run while you can. DO IT!
2007-02-15 03:04:14 · answer #8 · answered by Willis 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
This is a good preview to what married life will be like for you. It doesn't get any easier. Consider it this way, you marry him for all his faults and you have to be prepared to accept and live long-term with these faults. Don't expect him to change, nor should he expect you to change.
2007-02-15 03:02:44 · answer #9 · answered by desert_rose1274 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oh dear----I sure hate to be the bearer of bad news----but this guy is a real user----and if you let him-----he will make your life a living hell----these people are selfish and will hurt you repeatedly. Dump Him-------FAST--------we care-----Good Luck
2007-02-15 02:58:12 · answer #10 · answered by EZMZ 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋