long story short,i had this best friend of mine for about 9 years,we became friends in the 6th grade,and ended the friendship as a sophmore in college,like 1 week ago.anyway 9th grade i spilled my guts, told her how i felt about her,i was sincere,i really loved her. but she said no,in a nice way.she jumped from boyfriend to bf, one jerk after another, they hit her, emotionally abandoned her, and only hurt her.i loved her so much and wanted her to be my world. i was her best friend so i got to bring her roses,and take her to movies and dinner,and spend time with her without having to make up excuses as to why.but she could never see how much i wanted her..she broke my heart,it hurt alot and it still does.i just wanted a chance to make her happy,because i can tell it's not a feeling she's used to.i brought up the idea occasionaly as the friendship went on.but still,no.i think mentally,i'm emotionally bankrupt,like i just give up,i believe i wasn't meant to be happy,i did my best & failed
2007-02-14 18:39:08 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You let yourself fall into the friend zone. (For 9 years).
Don't do that again.
2007-02-14 18:43:00 · answer #1 · answered by S h ä r k G û m b ò 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Despite how you may feel, you need to know that there was absolutely nothing more you could have done for her. Unfortunately, our society has become far too broken and the children have been burned throughout it all.
You seem to be a very well rounded guy and for that you and your parents should be very proud. As for her, it sounds like she has many underlying problems and sadly, she lost control and couldn't see the reality of things. Somewhere along the lines, she became broken and kept living that broken life. It's up to her whether or not she wants to take control of her life back and start down a new road in life. I would say not to give up on her, but at the same time, people need to realize that even though it kills us, sometimes the only way we can help the ones we care so much about is to let them go; let them fall and let them learn.
Pain, be it physical, mental or emotional, hurts like hell; it can even ruin lives, but inevitably reminds us that we're human and that regardless of how much we try, we can't make everything turn out the way we want it to, no matter how badly we try. I understand your pain, and I can also understand her pain. I was that girl for quite a while. I had to fall; I had to get up; I had to live. Even though you may be hurting, and I'm sure you are, again, there's nothing you could have done differently.
The only thing I can suggest doing is backing off, let her eventually fall hard enough that she realizes what she had and what she lost. She may have that breakthrough one day and realize you were the best thing that ever happened to her. Then again she may not. You can't stop living your life though, but you can always be that true friend you always were and quietly stay in the background. There's nothing wrong with ever being a faithful friend, even if it hurts, and even if it's all you'll ever be.
2007-02-15 03:04:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This may sound odd to you, but here goes: Was she loved, or not loved by her dad? Or was he even in the picture as she grew up? How did (if he was there) he treat her mom, and her? If there was abuse, that is what she is accustomed to. It has long been said that a girl looks for a man to marry that is like her father. So, when she went thru all those bad relationships with the guys, that's what she was used to. If that isn't the case, somehow she got on the wrong track with guys, and more than likely knows you love her, but all the wonderful attention you gave her, her trust level has been effected when it comes to men. You are to be happy-not sure if with her-but with some really fabulous gal. You poured a lot of yourself and your love for her out to her, and you needed that love given back to you by her. She unfortunately was unable to give it. You did your best, but I don't think you failed. You gave her some wonderful memories, etc. for her to think about. Please read a book called "The 5 Love Languages". By Gary Chapman. It talks about how our "love tanks" can get empty, and need to be filled up. I wish you the best, I truly do. Take care.
2007-02-15 02:50:56 · answer #3 · answered by SAK 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Dark Angel,
You have known her these many years, surely you understand every pulse of her I guess. You know (I believe), you cannot give up her. Right?
Be patient, keep away from her sometime.. pretend you are too busy. May be then she might realise or you might really know that she misses you in some way or the other. Give it time to create some space of the love you wanted her to see in this relation.
The reason (may not be so also), knowing you so well all this while, she could be wanting someone best in your life rather than her as she could be thinking that she isn't worth for you.
Well, Good luck. May there be some breakthrough! Wish you happiness in Life.
2007-02-15 02:49:56 · answer #4 · answered by afraid talking 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good God almighty, do you think life is a Lindsay Lohan movie? Hollywood teaches us guys to never give up and you'll get the girl. In real life, a girl is going to go for you or be "just friends" right from the beginning. It's not hard to figure out.
Don't be hard on yourself, call yourself a failure, etc. just quit the cycle of self-abuse now. RESOLVE: Don't give flowers to girls you're not romantically involved with. Don't be her fallback friend when you want to be her boyfriend.
Have more respect for yourself than that!
2007-02-15 02:51:32 · answer #5 · answered by Tom K 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Stop being so hard on yourself. This girl is not in a place in her life to appreciate you.
I know, because when I was younger I was the same way. I went out with beautiful men who were all b@stards in their own special ways. I remember many an occasion saying to girlfriends that I wouldn't go out with this or that guy because he was too nice and I would only hurt him.
It actually sounds like she really is your friend, because she's not entering into a sexual realtionship with you. Doing that would change everything, and once it was over, which it sounds like would be quickly, you couldn't be friends anymore.
I had a number of good friends who were males when I was in my 20s, and I didn't sleep with them because I knew it would spoil our frienship. Sometimes they wanted to, sometimes I wanted to, sometimes we both wanted to, but I wanted to keep the friendship so I didn't let it happen. I'm still glad, because I can still be friends with them, and their wives.
Keep being her friend.
2007-02-15 02:48:03 · answer #6 · answered by heart o' gold 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has never wanted you for anything more than a friend. That is hard, but the answer is simple. Find a girl who is as into you as you are to her. It is a great feeling to feel wanted and loved and you will appreciate that when you find it.
This girl who is your friend sounds mentally unstable, so maybe you can look at the bright side and think of how lucky you are to not be her boyfriend.
2007-02-15 02:44:03 · answer #7 · answered by schweetums 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats the point: " you did your best and failed. " sometimes thats the way it goes in life and unfortunately its something you'll have to deal with. there is nothing you did wrong, rather its where SHE went wrong. if she'd rather spend time with "jerks" then a nice guy like you, then obviously something is wrong with her. usually it tends to be how someone was raised or how confident they are in themselves.
the best thing to do is to take comfort in believing that someday she'll see where she went wrong with you and how bad she made a mistake. the worst thing you can do is stay where you are and feel sorry for yourself. if you did your best then try another. FOR SURE there will be someone out there that will appreciate what you have to offer. by that time you'll be happy and it might be too late for her to accept your offer of LOVE.
2007-02-15 02:52:17 · answer #8 · answered by Bodhi721 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should have acted moody and ill-tempered.... let your alpha-male mindset come to the surface. It triggers a lust in some women. After all you did say that your female friend did go out with men who were the the user type. Some women are wired to fall for that type.. instead of the bigger picture of honesty, caring, trust, financial wellbeing ect.
2007-02-15 02:44:55 · answer #9 · answered by Joe Bloggs 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm sorry for the way you're feeling now. From my point of view i think she just doesn't want to spoil this friendship that she has with you as it is probably special to her. She is probably afraid that if this relationship does not work out, she may lose a best friend, and she really do not want that to happen. i know its hard to do, but move on, find another girl who is willing to accept you.
2007-02-15 02:45:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel that she's the right person for you... You would never ever give up, i always believe i will get what i want... and it did.. You just gotta be patient, maybe for now you just need to let it go with the flow... just stay beside her no matter what happen... one day, she'll see how you really do care about her...
Gud luck!
^_^ SunshiNe
2007-02-15 02:47:51 · answer #11 · answered by Sunshine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋