Any ideas on what I can do to better the situation?

Question

I broke up with my daughter's dad when I was 3 months pregnant. Never heard from him since, which is fine with me. I broke up with him for a reason. I live at home with my family, because financially I can't move out. I am on a debt consolidation, paying a super high amount still. I work part-time, and am looking for full-time work. I took a buyout offer from my high paying job at the same time I broke up with my daughter's father. I do not want her father in the picture, and do not want to get welfare, etc, because they try to find the father to get child support. I can't stand living at home...my mom babysits, and also tries to take control. I can't afford daycare, or my own place, and I'm in such a rut. Any ideas on how to cope with this, or what I can do, or how to find a good job? This is awful.

Answer 1

First of all, im sorry to hear that you're having a hard time. If there was a magical answer, trust me id tell you taht right away. But i guess life itself needs you to work your butt out and find out those things by yourself.
Somedays we all just break down and cant stand it anymore. But dont confuse this with a speech, the best way to get a job is to line up your skills, and start sending out CVs all over the place.

Also, focus on your priorities. They might get tangled when taking care of your child implies a better paying job, or a place of your own, or even your own sanity when you have all that to deal with.
My advice, be patient, both with yourself and with the situation. No one gets stuck forever. You'll make it, and it'll be worth all the sweat once you get where you want to.

I wish you the best.

Answer 2

Try to make the best of the home situation for awhile while you go back to school and get trained in a profession where you can support yourself. Make sure you talk to the financial aid person at your local community college because chances are you won't have to pay for anything being a single mom. Don't get too iritated at your mom, realize that she is doing you a valuable service by babysitting and letting you get a better foothold on life. I know it's easier said then done, and I wish you all the luck in the world.

Answer 3

"Anyway look for an stable office job like geico insurance i believe they pay 15/hr." Nice advice but they also want you to have a degree and an entry level office position doesn't START at 15 dollars an hour you have to have a few years of expierence plus a degree to get that...to start it's usually more like $8 or $9 an hour.
Frankly I suggest you file for child support from the father, whether YOU want him in the picutre or not doesn't matter your CHILD needs to be supported financially and You're not cutting it. You need to grow up and get over yourself because this isn't about YOU it's about financially supporting your daughter. What YOU want or don't want doesn't count

Answer 4

Wow, that's quite a dillemna. Well, here's a suggestion that I hope you find helpul and a bit motivating.

First off, the Father has a moral OBLIGATION to help the support of your children. He needs to pay his dues, if not to you, to his daughter, period. She needs food, clothing, a roof over her head and a healthy environment in which to grow and develop. I pay support myself and would feel terrible if my children went without necessaties. Unfortunately for you that would put him in the picture which you're against. But really, is that a bad thing? Your daughter should at least know who her father is and as she matures she can formulate her own ideas of who and what her Father means to her.

Second, have you considered working from home to supplement your income. You know, there's so many things you could do, you just have to find your niche. What are you good at? What skills do you posess that could help someone else? Do you have retail skills? that sort of thing. You have a world of information at your fingertips, you just have to go surfing.

Do all you can to save a buck. Clip those coupons, hitch a ride when you can, use public transportation and what not. Once you build a store of cash and can keep the flow steady or increase it means your freedom. Otherwise, you remain where you are. You have to believe in yourself and believe me it can be done. I was out in the world at 18. Go do it.

Answer 5

You for one need to get welfare. Who cares if they find the father. You neeed to take advatages of all the benefits a single mother has available. It wont be easy to start to rent but for now find free daycare. No one can live on parttime. How old are you?

Anyway look for an stable office job like geico insurance i believe they pay 15/hr.

live happy. your daughter needs to find you in a happy mood.

Answer 6

YOU MAY NOT LIKE THE FATEHR OF THE CHILD, BUT YOUR CHILD IT ENTITLED TO THAT MONEY. NOT YOU...... AS A MOTHER, IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ACT ON THE BEHALF OF YOUR HELPLESS CHILD TO TAKE ACTIONS NEEDED TO GET THOSE FUNDS. DON'T WORRY. HE CANNNOT TAKE YOU BABY AWAY FROM YOU - AND TRUST ME MANY MEN LOVE TO THREATEN THAT. NO COURT WOULD GIVE HIM YOUR CHILD SESPECIALLY AFTER THE FACT THAT HE HAS SO FAR BEEN AN ABSENT FATHER...........

DO YOU SEE IT AS A WEEKNESS TO NEED A LITTLE HELP? TRY WELFARE. IT IS NOT A LIFE SENTENCE. IT IS A SYSTEM SET UP TO HELP US CITIZENS LIKE US WHO MAY FALL INTO HARD TIMES. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO SHAME IN ACCEPTING HELP. DON'T BE STUBBORN. YOUR BEAUTIFUL CHILD IS DEPENDING ON YOU TO BE HER HERO.......

PLEASE TRY SOME OF THESE LINKS> I HOPE I HELPED>
.

YOU ARE ALREADY BURDENED BY THE FACT THAT YOU ARE A YOUNG SINGLE MOTHER TRYING TO MAKE A LIFE FOR YOU AND YOUR CHILD AND HAVING TO DO THIS AT MOM'S AND DAD'S CAN'T MAKE YOU FEEL REAL GOOD RIGHT NOW. sEEK OUT GOVMT ASSISTANCE (NOT WELFARE) TO GET YOUR CHILD INTO DAY CARE SO YOU CAN SEEK OUT A ORE REWARDING JOB FOR YOU AND YOUR TINY LIL FAMILY NOW. yOU CAN'T LIVE AT MOM'S THE REST OFYOUR LIFE OR YOU WILL GO NUTZ. LET THE BABYMAKER PAY HIS DUES. IT IS HIS RESPONSIBILITY. YOUR CHILD HAS LESS BECAUSE HE IS NOT PROVIDING AS HE SHOULD FOR THE CHILD. START THERE AND EVERYTHING WILL COME INTO PLAY...........

GOOD LUCK

Answer 7

Wow, this is pretty awful, you have to take responsibility for the fact that you did not set this situation up very well for your baby, and you really should be so thankful for the blessings you DO have (your parents putting their lives on hold to help you at this time in your life when you should be out an independent).

But the best place for your baby to be is CLEARLY surrounded by as much loving family as possible, and that means in your parent's home. So you need to suck it up and express how grateful you are to them (look at it from their perspective) and you need to say there because that is the best place for your baby girl (daycare would be a disaster for her, the absolute last place you should ever leave her at).

As for the baby's father and welfare -- you are really just focused on your feelings / pride and you are a mother now, you need to only think about your baby and to best care for her. It is not admirable to say "I don't want to be on welfare" and "I don't want anything from the father" when in the interest of your daughter there is a reason welfare exists and there are responsibilities the father needs to fulfill -- to his daughter, if not you.

So go find out about welfare or whatever other programs can help you care for your daughter, finf the father and make him live up to the obligation he took on when he decided to have sex with you -- the money he would be paying has nothing to do with you, this is his obligation to his child and it is your obligation to not deny this of your child -- put them money away for medical emergencies, for college, for anything that benefits your baby girl.

And focus on raising your little girl, spending as much time as you can with her -- thank goodness you are getting by on part time, the most important thing this baby needs is time with you. See if you can also get a job doing some work from home while the baby naps, or working at night while the baby sleeps.

And of ourse your Mom tries to take control, and of course this is going to drive you crazy -- my Mom does the same thing, and I have to learn to be grateful that she cares enough to call me every 5 minutes to ask what the baby ate, how he napped, remind me that its cold outside and not to take him out.... that's what grandparent's do and you are asking a lot of your parents to help you when you really did not pick the right guy to make a baby with.

So make the best of all of this for your daughter's sake, it is really all about ATTITUDE, you sound like you need to change your attitude around to 1.) Focus on the care / resources your daughter needs and put this before your pride and "feelings"; and 2.) Focus on all that you have to be grateful for, primarily your parents, and act like a grateful daughterm not like an annoyed brat. My parents babysit a lot for my husband and I, and are at my house ALL THE TIME, and then calling every 5 minutes with baby advice... and you know what we do to dea with this? We saved up our money and treated them to a weekend trip to Vegas for being such wonderful grandparents to our son, we take them out to dinner or buy them gift certificates and sacrifice these as dates we could have had, we thank them as much as possible for caring, for buying ourson shoes / outfits, for being there for us.

Go give your parents a hug, thank god they love you and the baby so much, and then with their help make this all work so your baby has only loving amily around (none of this nonsense about moving out where the baby would be isolated and lonely, and worse, left with complete strangers risking horrible abuse at some daycare).

Answer 8

well without knowing how old you are or what you want from life its hard to say. There are nice guys out there that are looking for a nice companion so that maybe your only option.

Answer 9

Be patient. There are people that can help. Think how sweet it will be when you and your baby are living in your own place.