Is it wrong to hate your mom?

Question

Well I cant help but have hated feelings towards her. She left me with my father when I was an infant and now she rarely keeps in touch. And when she does keep in touch its only to inform me shes either getting remarried,having another child, or lost her job. When I try to call her back or write her back shes already packed up and left. I hate it when she leaves for a long while then all of a sudden she`ll contact me and I end up having a breakdown because the thought of her forgetting me always stays in my mind.
Sometimes I just want her out of my life.

Answer 1

You need to cut all contact with her so you have time to heal.

Answer 2

In your case, having feelings of hatred for your mother is entirely understandable but unfortunate. I truly think that you should cut-off contact with her if possible. There is a difference between a biological parent and a mother. She did give birth to you, but that doesn't mean that you owe her the right to destroy you emotionally. She can't just contact you when she wants to make an announcement and then leave your life. That's not how parenting works. You need to realize that you have become a decent person without her, and you can continue to be a decent person without her in your life. I'm sure you're a strong person, and as much as it might hurt, you should not continue to speak with her. All it seems to do is upset you, and you would find yourself in a much better place that way. It might help you if you explained exactly how you feel to her the next time she calls. She might change, but after so many years she might not. Either way, you would've released some pent-up feelings by talking to her. Some people find that to be helpful. If you choose to do that, I would explain it to her exactly as you have to us here. The point is though, from what you have written it sounds like she is a destructive force in your life, and that you would be much better off without her. Whatever you decide to do, I hope you are happier for it.

Answer 3

It's okay to have those feelings. I had a similar experience with my mom except I lived with her. I didn't realize that I was emotionally abused my whole life from her until I moved in with my dad in high school and was away from her. I got tired of having my mom treat me so badly so I cut off contact and it's been almost 4 years now. She hasn't made an effort to get in touch with me and even missed my wedding although I did invite her.
I know it's hard because I am going through it too. Don't look at it like you are bad because you kind of want her to go away, but look at it like you are going to focus on yourself for awhile and if she contacts you and you are available, fine. But if she contacts you and you don't have time for the drama, then don't deal with it. No matter how old you are, she is your mom and she is not acting like it, and it's her responsibility to be the mom. I know it's hard not to have a mom especially when you encounter times you need one, but you can do it. Focus on healing yourself and being a good person and let her go.

Answer 4

It might be better for now if you put her out of your life. You have every right not feel the way she is making you feel. I'm sure your hatred is more anger than anything else. You have things you need to deal with yourself, and the way she flits in and out of your life doesnt help you any. Maybe if you tell her how her actions make you feel and you dont want to feel that way anymore. You described it as a breakdown....noone has the right to make you feel that way! Explain all this to her and if she just can't "woman up" (I like that term) and do the right thing, then tell her you have to distance from her for now.

Answer 5

(sweetie)
all of these feeling your having are and is very common and you should not feel no regreat / or/ take blame for them.
your mother left you and with alot of unanwer questions and i dought that you will ever get / or / here the real truth.let me tell you a short story ;
i have a male friend that is raising his 4 youg girls by his self and they all are going threw the very same thing that you are. there mother treats them just like yours treats you. allow for me to tell you how they finally woke up and delt with their problem.
they let there mother know of just how the felt and what she was doing with and to them. sure she had a reason and an excuse for every-thing ,but they told her that if she could not be there 100%percent of the time,than they rather not have her in there life's at all , because it will only be her lost.. no matter how bad it hurts- you must never allow for her to get too you. i am sure that you are loved very much from and by your father...
(Hon.) have you tryed sitting down face to face and letting her know of how bad she is truely hutting you,and what she is doing to you ? i would try that aproch and then go from there.
i to know what it feels like to crave for your mothers love, and get nothing in return. maybe sometimes its best to just let go,so that you can move forward with your life,finally work threw the pain,and start living a normal life.. you are in my prayers and may every thing work out for you.

Answer 6

She's no Prize, that's for sure!! Tell her to stay out of your life until you are old enough to find the grace to forgive her.

Hating her will eat at your soul. And she doesn't care enough to waste your hate on anyway. You could give yourself ulcers hating her.

Hate hurts YOU!! I know what I am talking about on this one!!
Someday you will want to forgive her and you can, but that doesn't mean you can forget what she was like. Good Luck, Honey!! @8-)

Answer 7

You know what, if what you say is true, you need to either have a good talk with your mother or let her go. If she is truly making you this miserable, then it needs to be resolved once and for all. I have never met my father, and I am now 27. My mama raised us (me and my 2 sis and 1 bro). Now he is sick, and probably going to die soon. His side of the family is trying to get us to communicate with him. But why? I have never met him, he has never seen me, and I don't know him. I don't even think about him on a day to day basis. So it isn't impossible to make you life better and easier for not only yourself, but for everyone. I would try talking, and if it doesn't work...let it go. She will either realize her faults, or she will not. You be happy.

Answer 8

i do no longer think of you may desire her lifeless yet, what you do desire is for her to start up treating you as a youthful person and much less as a toddler. As for the boyfriend situation in basic terms start up out with the help of being acquaintances do no longer in easy terms start up calling him dad. As for the family contributors became against you this is something that may not clean up itself until eventually your mom tells them the actuality or that each and everything is okay, whether it is going to maximum in all threat nonetheless arise at a family contributors amassing or 2. As for the remark she made to you while you're that delicate to being called a punk then you could advance up and enable it bypass. As for the strolling miles on a highway record her this is cruel and unusual punishment and you do no longer could positioned up with it.

Answer 9

Well.. i know how bad it is... But, what i know... No matter how bad ur mom is.. no matter what she done... Once a mom will always be our mom. Maybe there's an EX Bf or EX husband but there is NO EX Mom or EX child... a mom will always be child's mom and a child will always be mom's child. Without a mom we wouldn't be here, in this world... You can say don't like, but you can't say hate... Mother's-daughter relationships is something we feels in our heart... She's maybe being irresponsible to you as a mom, and she's wrong... but don't you ever be the same or making the same mistakes to her by being irresponsible as her daughter...

As a child we also have responsibility to our parents... Hope you don't have any wish like that again.... Try to be in her position...

^_^ SunshiNe

Answer 10

You should never hate your parents. I think she might have done you a big favour by leaving you with your father, and by what you are saying about her, she probably knew that when she did it. Who knows what her torments are but she must have a lot. We should never sit in judgement on people when we don't know what their problems are. In a sense you are probably the parent now and she the child, so be more understanding and know that she must have loved you a great deal to sacrifice her chance of being a proper mother to you.

Answer 11

She is a wreck and very unstable. She needs help because she does not understand the meaning to life or love. She may have brought you into the world but where is the respect of taking care of you and loving you and putting you first? I say your feeling are justified.