My own child makes me cringe!!! Feel resentment and anger towards my unborn child?

Question

I never really wanted kids, I am very career orientated and just wanted to focus on my career and thought maybe one day I would adopt. Now I have found myself 13 weeks pregnant and I am still with the father who is very excited, but I am having issues with this child and it isn't even born yet. I feel a lot of resentment and anger I know this isn't the child's fault, but if I could I would seriously give this child up for adoption. Abortion was NEVER an option. I won't even touch my tummy and I won't tell anyone about my pregnancy. When people talk to me about it I change the subject quickly in hopes they will just let it go. How can I get over this type of feeling I am having. I know this makes me sound like a horrible person but some people carry the maternal gene while others don't and I suppose I am one of the ones who doesn't.

Answer 1

Sunny, you are perfectly normal. I automatically think 2 things... one is that you are very homronal right now. I had a very hormonal pregnancy and at times didn't want my baby... which is silly because i am realy excited about him. It is weird the feelings you get.

The second thought is that maybe you aren't ready. You need to decide. many men push women to give their kids up for adoption because they aren't ready to be dad's... women also have that right. If you keep the baby, do it for you and the child...not for him.

Good luck and I know you will do the right thing for you and the child

Answer 2

You are only 13 weeks pregnant. You still have around 27 weeks to go. Don't feel like you have to make a decision now because...you don't.

The feelings of anger and resentment can be normal due to the unplanned pregnancy and your knowledge of how raising a child will affect all the things you have planned and wanted in your life.

But it is perfectly possible that as your pregnancy progresses, you will begin to lose those feelings and become nervous, excited and happy instead as you consider the positives that having a child can bring.

You may go your whole pregnancy with those feelings of anger and resentment, but at the moment your child is born all the emotion and love you don't think you will ever feel will suddenly be there.

Or you may feel angry and resentful your whole pregnancy and the birth may not change that.

If either of the first two situations occur, keep your baby and love it and son't waste time feeling guilty over these feelings you have now because feelings are not your fault and they are very normal when you are in the middle of a life changing event. And this is a life changing event no matter what you decide to do.

If the last scenario is what happens for you, strongly consider putting your baby up for adoption or giving custody to the father. Make the decision that is right for you and your baby, because if you keep it because you feel you have to even though you still have no desire to be a mother, then you are harming both of you. If you keep him/her anyway, THAT is what makes you a horrible person, not the thoughts and feelings you describe.

Good Luck to you.

Answer 3

Okay, ignore all those people who tell you to get your tubes tied or that you would neglect your baby. They don't know what they're talking about. A lot of women have feelings like yours when they get pregnant. I think you can help yourself the most if you just let yourself feel whatever you feel, and tell yourself it's okay to feel anger and resentment. It might also help to say exactly why you are feeling what you feel. I would guess that you are resentful that caring for your child will take away from time you want to spend on your career. That's understandable, I hate it when things I don't want to do take away from things I'd rather be doing. Just food for thought - why is adoption not an option? If it's something you think you want, maybe you need to talk to an adoption counsellor. They can help you figure out if it's the right path for you. Remember that the choice is the mother's, not the father's (though of course since he is with you, you want to consider his desires). I know you'll choose what's best for both of you.

Answer 4

Your feelings are very normal considering your situation. There is no such thing as a mother gene. When you are ready to be a mother you will feel very different about the whole experience. You can give your baby up for adoption if you do not believe you are ready yet. Women who do often wonder later if they did the right thing but deep down they feel glad that their baby is somewhere, loved and cherished. The father is an important consideration and he may have rights that you should consider for example depending on your state laws you may not be able to give up your child without his permission especially if you are married. There are counselors that are willing to help you decide what to do at most adoption agencies. You would want to check out the agencies reputation before going to visit so you can make sure they put you and your concerns first.

Answer 5

It is what Mommy said ::horomones'' and also some people are happier when they keep there pregnancy a secret which you an only for so long Ask your self do I want to be a mother Do you feel financially and mentally prepared for this child are you worrying that you will not have time for the father... If you have any issues like this where you find your self worrying Yes its normal but talk to the father about it and maybe a counselor It would help you cope with things and find the underlying problem and yes a lot of women feel the way you are b/c your body is changing and your moods will to you may have high blood pressure.

Answer 6

I feel sad for you and the unborn child. I wish that if you felt this way you would have used birth control. You need to resolve this before the child is born. I think that you should seek therapy to see if maybe you are depressed or have something from your past childhood making you have these feelings. Also, you need to talk to your partner and tell him some of the things that you are feeling. I am really trying not to have anger towards you since this is probably something that you cannot help. But if you knew what I had to go through and other fertility patients out there it just annoys us that people like you are blessed and don't even want the baby. Good luck I hope that you can resolve these feelings.

Answer 7

"Perhaps it has been suggested by science that you must have a brain and nerves in order to feel pain- but again, you can't prove that a baby doesn't feel pain on the premise that they may not have fully developed brains nor nerve systems. You cannot imagine what it's like to be a "fetus." " It cannot be objectively proven that corpses do not feel pain. It has even been suggested by sane, intelligent people that consciousness is extremely widespread, if not universal, in the world so you cannot even claim it is certain that a piece of paper isn't in agony when you scrape a pen over it. Brain activity is all we have to go on in making judgments as to how likely things are to experience pain as analogous to ourselves. Also, as Citizen said, pain is not the only issue. You need to make a judgment about whether you're killing a person or not too. If a fetus cannot plausibly have a sense of itself, free will, understanding, life-story etc then there is no reason imo to treat it differently to an animal of a similar brain capacity. That's not to say that such pain is unimportant but, to take up another answerer, I do feel more concern for a dying whale than a dying fetus (before a certain number of weeks, at least) as it has self-awareness as well as a better developed sense of pain. Indeed I think it's strange if people don't. I'm always extremely sceptical of claims from pro-life websites about fetuses being seen to scream, move away, spell out 'I forgive you mummy' in semaphore and so forth, as they tend to be false or very misleading.

Answer 8

Hey, first of all, you are having normal feelings. If you are serious about adoption talk to someone in this area. in the long run it will be better for your child and for you to have a good life. since you are thinking about this childs' well being, i would say you are not horrible but normal, so just look for answers in the right places. The important thing is that you make an informed decision so you will not regret it later.
from personal experience I can tell you, I did not want to be a mother when younger, but I have no way to express the joy my son brought to my life. and I am sure your baby can do the same in the life of someone out there who wants someone to love.

Answer 9

Why did u not practice birth control if u feel this way, there really is no excuse for unwanted pregnancies this day and age. I am not faulting u for ur feelings, not every woman in the world is meant to be a mother, now u find urself pregnant with an unwanted child. U had better seek counseling to deal with ur feelings or consider giving the baby up for adoption. Otherwise, all three of u r in for some difficult emotional times, mainly , the unloved, unwanted child. It could go either way, u may end up loving the baby once it gets here, or u could possibly physically harm it. Please get professional help and/or u and the father need to have a serious talk regarding decisions to be made.

Answer 10

I think this is a perfectly normal reaction and you are not a horrible person. I think that the best way to deal with it right now is to talk about it and be vocal with one person that you trust. But trust me, once the baby is born, once you realize that you are responsible for another life, your feelings will change. There is nothing like the bond between the mother and the child. So be encouraged, it takes getting used to, and it will get better. Just give it time.