I did what you all said, why do I feel so horrible??? (Read my previous question about my grandma)?

Question

For those of you who answered my previous question. I told my grandma that I do not want my children staying the night at her house because my uncle is strung out on drugs in the basement. She completely brushed me off and told me that all he was doing was smoking. I told her that the evidence to me shows he's doing more than that and I don't want my children around it. I told her she is more than welcome to come to my house and I will still come visit, but I can't let my kids stay the night. She told me that was fine and she completely wrote us off for the sake of her son. She is willing to break all ties with her family for him and she doesn't care that we all have tried to help. She thinks we are out to get her and my uncle and that it's our fault that things are the way they are. She is willing to never see me or my children again all to "be there" for my uncle. It is such a hard situation. I am sick to my stomach now. Why do I feel so terrible?

I feel so terrible for having to tell her that. I hate that she makes us feel this way. I really think that things will never change no matter what we try to do to help. She is a very stubborn woman and I don't think she will ever see it from outside her bubble. I know what I did was the right thing to do, especially for the safety of my children, but why do I feel like it was the biggest mistake. How can I make things good with my grandma and still make her understand where I stand on the situation. I want to be completely honest with her, but I hate how the truth hurts so bad!!!!

Answer 1

You did the right thing so try to take comfort in that. Your children are your first responsibility.

Answer 2

You did what you had to do to PROTECT your CHILDREN -- which is the RIGHT thing to do (and yes, it does hurt that 'grandma' does not want anything to do with you because you do NOT want your children harmed or injured or have to deal with any criminal activity!).

It will hurt, but you can be assured that you and your children will have a better life. I, as a Long Term Single Parent, would have done the same if placed in that situation -- for the SAFETY of MY children came first ... and I MEANT that.

Remember to send a letter to your grandma -- and yes, tell her you LOVE her, and you always will. That if she needs to talk or wants to see your children, then she can call you, and yes, you will meet her at a Restaurant, playground, or other place ... and the children do miss "granny".

Sadly, the horror may happen -- and that 'uncle' who is bringing drugs into HER home may cause her to LOSE her home on a Drug Seizure/Forfeiture some day ... because of his DELIBERATE Actions.

Is there any way that one or more members of your family can take your "grandma" to a Narc-anon Meeting for one instance? That she can be picked up, supported while there, and LISTEN to those OTHER family members who are struggling with the addictions of their loved ones as well (and how they are managing?).

Answer 3

You did the right thing ok? Ive seen situations where the police bust in and arrest everyone in the house and put the children in State care til they sort out who is guilty and who is not. If you and your kids are there at her house when that happens, thats what will happen to you and your kids.
Shes made her choice. She could just as easily put a stop to drugs in her home. Sorry but I do not feel sorry for her at all.
You however have my sympathy but youre doing the right thing by your kids.

Answer 4

I didn't answer your previous question but it sounds like you did the correct thing.

Put some thing in writing so she knows how you feel, let her know that it's her that's cutting you off and that you'll be there when and if she wants a relationship, maybe suggest she takes the children for a weekend away, so she understands that you are not worried about them spending time with her.

It's better to write, you have to think carefully about what you say and she will have a reference to go back to as she's thinking.

Answer 5

It hurts because your kids will miss out on growing up with a grand parent. Give her time to get over her anger. Unfortunately she has made a choice that everyone has to bare the consequences for.

If it take too long, and your still unsure, call her and ask if the kids can visit. If she says no, ask her to talk to them on the phone. If that doesn;t work - get the kids to write letters to her.

If that doesn't even work, you will just have to walk away and let it be. I'm sorry.

Answer 6

I know you love your grandmother and all, but you have a responsibility to your children to make sure they're safe first. Stick to your guns and don't back down. Continue to try and talk to her and she might see that her son needs help. If she don't then, accept her decision to break ties with you guys. I know it's hard but you'll get through it. You have those beautiful faces staring at you everyday to remind you of the "great" decision that you made.

Answer 7

you have to do what is best for your children, if he makes you uncomfortable you should not let you children be around him. If your gramma doesn't understand that you have to deal with it. hopefully she will come to the realization that you are right.
As in smoking did you mean pot? Because if she said that she should understand the fact that you don't want you kids in tha t enviorment.

Answer 8

you didn't mention how old she is but when one gets to certain age they are like dont' see what is really going on so its hard to say. but i know ou are doing the right thing and you know what you sadly don't need her if she will do that and then someday she may need you so be nearer to help but stay away from her and your kids.

Answer 9

don't, you should not expose your children to that environment... keep on inviting her to your house and hope for the best, but if she doesn't understand, then don't blame yourself