My little brother keeps getting bullied by this kid after school. I can't help him because I'm in highschool while hes in middle and he seems to get really upset because apparently some ghetto punk wont leave him alone. Im not sure if hes actually beating him up or not but it seems like it. I tried to teach him so basic techniques to fight with people but he refuses to learn to fight. I think hes afraid to fight back because he doesnt want it to go to the next level. Anyone have any ideas on how I can show him that he has to stick up for himself?
2007-02-14 15:59:10 · 11 answers · asked by The Wall 2 in Sports ➔ Martial Arts
he is afraid, not of going to the next level, because as a victim of school yard bullying I wanted to waste them, but he is so far down in the spiral of self doubt. he has low self efficacy in his ability to hurt them. his negative thoughts rule his life.
only he can over come them.
he will be a punch bag forever, or decide to take a stand.
only he can do it.
edit: Spidertiger... do you truly have 14 yrs experience. well I want to know in what? bible reading? your attitude is negative to his making a stand. you said: "What if he "defends" himself and they come back with a knife or gun the next day. Then what???" well this is the worst attitude to have. it is defeatist to live in this world with an attitude of "you may as well accept it". you suck.
it is easy to quote from history, but harder to talk about the present. I could quote Bruce Lee and support my case. nothing is gained from cut n paste. the guy wants advice, not metaphors.
I know from experience that if you DONT stand up for yourself, you will get victimised continuously. only when you take a stand can you change your fate from certain failure to potential success. nothing is guaranteed in change. but the risk of change is better than the certainty of defeat.
you may have experience, but it is not in the world outside the dojo. the victim never chooses to fight, the decision is decided for him the moment the bully targets him/her.
Shaman: very sound advice. as I started training I was being beaten almost daily, by the 6 months mark people were leaving me alone. not because I told anyone (that would be suicide) but because I was no longer showed the sight and scent of fear. attitude IS everything, and even when I wasnt that confident, I looked like I was. awesome response Shaman.
2007-02-15 07:17:55 · answer #1 · answered by SAINT G 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a dangerous question.... And the answers you've gotten before me touch upon the reasons why.
First and foremost, you've got to remember, this is his "fight." Not yours. Pushing him to follow the path you would choose isn't necessarily going to help him solve it. Doing so is likely to make him feel worse about the situation. Not only does he have the fear of the bully to contend with, but he may also start to feel the fear of disappointing you. Be supportive, but not demanding. Instead of telling him how to deal with this situation, ask him about it. Talk to him about what the bully is doing and why he thinks this bully is acting that way. Even tell him about your own experiences with bullies and what you think you would do in this situation. But instead of saying "you should do this", couch it by saying something like "man, if it were me I think I'd do this". Just make sure you don't become another part of the problem for him.
Secondly, the solution to a bully is to change his mind about using you as a target. Anybody who is a bully has issues that have nothing to do with those he targets. It's just a means to feel powerful and dominant. A bully does that by instilling fear. What your brother needs to do is to find a way not to be afraid (to find his own inner strength) and to let the bully see he isn't afraid anymore. That he isn't going to be afraid no matter what the bully does. If the bully doesn't get a rush from making someone afraid of him, he will find another target. (Your approach does this, by the way, but maybe it isn't your brother's style.)
Here's a story that might help:
Tea Master and the Bully Samurai
A master of the tea ceremony in old Japan once accidentally slighted a soldier. He quickly apologized, but the rather impetuous soldier demanded that the matter be settled in a sword duel. The tea master, who had no experience with swords, asked the advice of a fellow Zen master who did possess such skill. As he was served by his friend, the Zen swordsman could not help but notice how the tea master performed his art with perfect concentration and tranquility. "Tomorrow," the Zen swordsman said, "when you duel the soldier, hold your weapon above your head, as if ready to strike, and face him with the same concentration and tranquility with which you perform the tea ceremony." The next day, at the appointed time and place for the duel, the tea master followed this advice. The soldier, readying himself to strike, stared for a long time into the fully attentive but calm face of the tea master. Finally, the soldier lowered his sword, apologized for his arrogance, and left without a blow being struck.
2007-02-15 03:11:14 · answer #2 · answered by Shaman 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
My dad attempted to tell me the same thing when a bully would follow me home. "You go kick his a$$ or I am gonna kick yours.." well it didnt work. But see... I learned I have a longer fuse then most guys. It takes a lot to get me mad. The kid continued to bother me until I snapped and I knocked him out. No training. So I am figuring... your little brother has a longer fuse, more tolerance for the stupidity of others. He must be a smart guy. Give him room and paitience and just tell him you are there to back him up if he needs you. As long as he knows you are on his side and you are his foundation... he will feel better.
2007-02-14 18:14:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the first thing is to find out precisely WHY he won't fight back. Is it becasue he is afraid of losing? Is it becasue he is afraid that they guy will come bakc with friends and gang up on him? Is he afraid he might seriously hurt the other person? It is becasue he is afraid of getting in trouble for fighting? Does he have some strong moral objection to fighting in general? Is it something else? Once you understand WHY he won't make the effort, they you can address the issue and help him to see that there are times when it is the only choice.
2007-02-15 01:59:51 · answer #4 · answered by hakuno_kai 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the best thing to do is tell your bro to let the teachers and principals know. in recent years the ed department have issued new policies to be more careful when dealing w/ bullying knowing the seriousness it can cause to school kids.
it's right thing to teach him some basic techniques to protect himself if under immediate danger. but dont expect your brother to learn few lessons and ward off those punks so they never come back again..reminds me of similar scenario back in h.s. some gangpunks from another neighborhood constantly bullying this guy in our bball team just won't let him go. so we arranged a group of buddies from the skool from football n tkd team to army reserves guys to guide him home...and confronted the punks they left for the first time..but a week later they came back and lingered around in their cars start burning flags and escalated for few days till burnt few cars and the sport's huthouse near parking lot...that's when we notified the principal n got the police to deal with it... later the gangmembers got arrested and that's how it finally stopped.
teach your bro some essential skills to defend himself ..but best is to let the teacher or principal know. this is the best thing to do.
2007-02-15 02:10:36 · answer #5 · answered by The Oasis 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should ask why.
If he is afraid that this kid carries a weapon, or that his friends will jump in and it is pointless, then that is something.
If he is afraid of bieng beaten by a group that is easily dealt with as he should just have his own group- not to fight, but to keep people out of it. His friends are less likely to jump in if there are others there.
Find out what is going on. If it is no more than he is afraid of one kid then you have to toughen him up to defend himself.
Whats with the sissy beliefs of "bullies" these days. toughening up your family member to stick up for themselves is not bullying in any sense of the word. the intent is different.
2007-02-15 02:57:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He already knows the best form of self defense-not to fight. have him tell a teacher or something. If the kid pulls a blade or something tell him tio kick his ***, butr if hes threatening tell him just to put the kid in a submission and not to brake anything.
2007-02-15 04:25:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should report it to the proper authorities.
Violence only leads to violence.
No one should ever choose to fight. If you are given a choice you should walk away.
"In the path of war, thorny bushes spring up." -Sun Tzu
What if he "defends" himself and they come back with a knife or gun the next day. Then what???
2007-02-15 04:39:44 · answer #8 · answered by spidertiger440 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
your the wrong person to teach him.and basic techniques can get some one hurt.dirty hard basic techniques from the right person would be better.of course nothing is better than learning properley from a proper teacher.
2007-02-14 20:21:12 · answer #9 · answered by BUSHIDO 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If you attempt to force the issue by telling him that he HAS TO defend himself...
Aren't you bullying him too?
.
2007-02-14 17:28:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋