I am expecting my first child, and my husband will not tell his family. A friend I ask tell me reasoning is because 'Spanish culture is old-fashioned' to me this is not a good answer. I love his family, I talk to my mother-in-law very often. Why will he not tell is family about our baby? (his mom knows about her ex-husband's child, and not her future grandchild!)
He always wants to hold my documents, read my mail, and know what I talk about to my family.
He says he will take my child if I leave him. (the child e does not want family to know about)
When he isn't at work he demands I go EVERYWHERE with him or he disappear for hours on end to punish me.
He always points out he is the ONLY person I have in this country, and that I'm all alone.
2007-02-14 15:41:40 · 20 answers · asked by Sonja J 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
sounds like a bit of an insecurity problem to me. and unless you are a deadbeat mom, no court will give a child to the dad, unless it is in the best interest of the child. I can not tell you how to handle your situation, but that is not healthy for you and maybe he is afraid of being alone. you need to talk or get counseling so you don't end up worse or a victim.
2007-02-14 15:48:44 · answer #1 · answered by michael m 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A friend I ask tell me reasoning is because 'Spanish culture is old-fashioned" this must be a friend he allows you to talk to that will support his every word. Fact in Spanish culture family is very important. My son in law is of Spanish culture and I was told in less than an hour after they new my daughter was pregnant, by him.
He is a controller and will only get worse in time without help.
He will do everything to take your child if you leave or he leaves you. and too much of the time this does happen.
My sister was married to a controller. after 12 years she could not take it any more. she tried leaving with their 3 child. unfortunately he was home when she tried leaving. well to make this short he ended up with custody and for the next 8 years the children lived in total fear. Visitation was very controlled if at all.
repeated attempts by my sister to regain custody failed. One day after the children returned home from a visit with my sister they found there pet was dead. he said I did it to teach you a lesson because you did not call me on time. the next day one of the children, now 15 years old, told a friend about it. the friend told the school counselor about it. the school counselor talked to the child about it but the child would not say anything out of fear. social services was notified and they sent someone to interview all 3 children but they where silent out of fear. the social worker interviewed other relatives and determined what the problem was and knew how to handle it. Basically it wasn't until he was handcuffed and put into a patrol car that the children started to talk. they are now with their mother and goto counseling weekly.
I can't say that your situation will be the same but with a controller this is a very common senario.
2007-02-14 18:36:58 · answer #2 · answered by jbugg 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is hiding something, his control over you is required by him in order that he may be able to hid more things from you. A child that is expected in a hispanic family is a great treasure that anyone would be happy hearing.. His remark about "spanish culture" is a big smoke screen.. I would be worried about being with a man like that. You should collect all your documents and keep them safe in your own known place. His dissappearing because he claims to be mad is something he does to go party somewhere with possibly someone, and the more you fall for that, the better for him.... his telling you that he is the ONLY person is a threat...Dont let this guy feed you all that baloney.... I dont see any love comming out of this guy with his remarks, and his treatment of you.... If you show more huspa, and female strength, ( talk with other ladies, make friends, with ladies especially, and you'll find a sisterhood that will help you...
dont let this jerk control your life like that...Being loved is better than pretending someone loves you......Smarten up quietly and slowly untill you get it together, then tell him to F*** off.....
good luck hon
2007-02-14 15:56:28 · answer #3 · answered by Pete D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in a similar relationship only with an Israeli who was very controlling for 8 years
In the first few years things were good, over time that got wosre, it started with little agruements and escalated into mental abuse, then physical abuse, and as a young woman was totally CONSUMED with fear.
I fell pregnant at 15 and terminated the pregnancy due to fear and threats that you've experienced about taking the baby and although i regret it now and its not something I would recommend anyone to do. The only upside of that all is I was able to get out and not have him controll me somehow,( how he would have been able to if I had of kept the baby. )
Now you have to think of someone else not only yourself and the best thing you could do is get out while you still can, think of your child, you dont want your child to grow up with someone controlling thier every move, it will be a lifetime of misery for you both.
one day when he thinks hes punishing you and gone for hours like you say he does, pack your stuff and get out of there. Things will only continue to get worse.
trust me I've been there
there are people out there who can help you, go to your EMBASSY and get help to get out of there
CONGRATULATIONS on your baby anyway i hope things work out alright for you
2007-02-14 16:18:51 · answer #4 · answered by mel_leno 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are married to a controller who wants to control everything that you say or do. Let him know that you are not a child and can make some decisions for yourself. If you do not stand up and be strong, you will never get the respect from him that you deserve. I hope that talking to him works. If it does not and he continues to treat you like a child - then you will have to think about yourself and your child. Only you can take charge of your happiness. I pray that he is not physically abusive to you as a lot of these control situations are.
2007-02-14 15:54:02 · answer #5 · answered by myleshunt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This man is controlling and I'm afraid he may be abusive. What you are describing is not a healthy relationship. Threatening you is not acceptable. Telling you that he is the only person you can rely on is his way of controlling you. He is your husband, not your father--it's not his job to "punish" you.
You need to talk with your family and make a plan. I don't know where you live, so I am not able to direct you to local resources, but I know that there are places you can turn for support. You are NOT alone.
2007-02-14 15:51:20 · answer #6 · answered by artemisaodc1 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi there, sorry to say but that sounds a little bit scary, I don't mean to be "mean", but sounds like you are in a very controlling and abusive relationship; I've seen many many times that kind of behavior and doesn't feel right that he supervise every step you take. Take sometime to think about how this situation makes you feel in general terms to have a serious talk with your husband. Needless to say that story about him telling you He will take your kid if you leave him is a very very bad sign. Good Luck!
2007-02-14 15:50:22 · answer #7 · answered by Kent-B-True 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first off congrates on the baby...sencond off he sounds alot like my husband...he is very controlling i would recamend leaving before you had the baby if he is the way you say than you dontwant him anywhere near you or the baby...my husband is in therapy for being biploar and is on meds...he still has his moments though...i have 3 kids and wish that i would have left when i had the chance...but you are not alone no matter where you are or no matter where your family is...they is always someone out there willing to lead a hand...someone will help you if you want out...so good luck
2007-02-14 17:07:39 · answer #8 · answered by missyalice26 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand why you feel that your friend's answer is not enough. From the way you describe your husband I feel like he is manipulating you and doesn't treat you the way a woman should. I feel like he is treating you like you are his property and he can control you. He is not abusing you physically but he is hurting you emotionally . I think you should get out of the relationship if he doesn't change the way he treats you. He will abuse you unless you tell him to stop . If he loves you, he should change. Be strong .
2007-02-14 15:57:37 · answer #9 · answered by bittersweetlove21 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have yourself a controlling husband. If he doesn't want to tell his parents that you are pregnant, then you tell them yourself. Or, is he hiding something that you don't know about? He already threaten you by taking the child if you leave him, so, he must be hiding something or he might have other children that you don't know about, or he could be married too.
2007-02-14 15:49:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋