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I recently met a woman ironically on this site. We developed an instant chemisty and after a short time, well we fell in love without ever meeting each other. I was convinced she was "it". Well a few days ago, it was revealed to me that she, while her personality, humor, etc, were her, the background information she gave me was not accurate. Not really close to it...she went from being 27, never married, no kids to divorced, older with a son.

I am still talking to her, and I still love her but not as strongly as I did. But I am trying to see if I can get back to the point that all the ideas and dreams and feelings I had about "us" are what they were before I got hit with this, because that was as good as it ever got for me, period, in 29 years, the time we spent talking before this. So what does that make me?

2007-02-14 14:15:03 · 7 answers · asked by JP 4 in Family & Relationships Singles & Dating

7 answers

Personally I'd say that makes you both brave and a genuinely good person. Brave because you're still willing to spend time getting to know the real her even though she wasn't entirely honest with you from the start and it does take bravery to be willing to overlook a breach of trust, no matter how small. A good person because a lot of people would have immediately brushed her off, no questions asked, no thought given to trying to understand why she fibbed, point blank gone (and sadly, sometimes, only after saying some rather mean and hurtful things).

Perhaps she fibbed because she's not comfortable with sharing the truth too quickly - the word divorce carries SO many negative associations, particularly for a divorced woman, somehow society still manages to convey that while it sympathizes deep down it still thinks the woman must somehow be at fault. Perhaps she's been badly burned in the past and was afraid that you would find the age difference a turn-off if it was too big initially. There are so many reasons she may have fibbed, it will take time for her to explain it, but when she's ready to she will - particularly if you let her know that you're a bit hurt that she wasn't honest, but you're trying to be understanding and would like for both of you to rebuild trust and see where things go.

Remember: "Passion is the quickest to develop, and the quickest to fade. Intimacy develops more slowly, and commitment more gradually still." Even in text and/or voice chats this is true. That instant chemistry and love is passion, a breach of trust has dulled it a bit, now it's time to see if you can develop real intimacy and real trust and if you can eventually it can become the kind of commitment you seem to want. :) Best of luck hon I really hope things work out!

2007-02-14 14:36:04 · answer #1 · answered by JM 2 · 0 0

Dude. Run like the wind.
OK, so you probably won't do that. So ask yourself, if you had known the age and the status before, would you have gotten involved? If yes, then you should tell her that you are really dissapointed that she was dishonest, and that the dishonesty has really diminished your feelings for her. Also, remember, if she is dishonest about this, what else is she hiding? Where can even a good relationship go when you can't trust that person? So, in light of that:
Seriously, dude, run.

2007-02-14 22:26:19 · answer #2 · answered by diana f 3 · 0 0

It's not your fault she lied to you. You must feel disappointed, not because she is older and has a son, but because she lied to you.

I don't blame her for not telling you the truth. Life can be very difficult, specially for a single mother.
I know single, beautiful, and accomplished young ladies who have a hard time finding the "right" person.

But, deciding whether you can trust someone who lied to you once - and about something so important, is totally up to you.

I don't believe in second chances. Life is too short to spend on someone who can ignore your worth.

Happy Valentine's day.

2007-02-14 22:24:14 · answer #3 · answered by GucciGirl 4 · 0 0

You are a hopeless romantic! (It's not a bad thing) I think that makes you hopeful, and you must really like (or love) her alot. If you really feel strongly for her, let her know that while you don't appreciate being lied to, you still want to talk and see where it goes from there. If she really likes you, she'll apologize and agree.

2007-02-14 22:20:44 · answer #4 · answered by Ruthie 2 · 0 0

It makes you a little starved for attention. Keep your pen pal. That is what she is. But get yourself out and associate with people in real life. Do things you like, stay busy. Be true to yourself and be happy. When you are not expecting it, you will find someone doing things in common with you. Move forward from there. Be honest with yourself, and you will be honest with others.

2007-02-14 22:33:17 · answer #5 · answered by TopCatt 4 · 0 0

I think honesty is so important, and it's a bad way to start a relationship to start with lies. I think you'll always wonder about what she says...I just think it's a rather unhealthy thing. Still, I think it's something that can be overcome, but you have to decide if it's worth getting involved

2007-02-14 23:07:21 · answer #6 · answered by Felicity 2 · 0 0

it makes you in love my friend...

It may be a little harder to trust her again... but I think it would be good to meet her in person some where that isn't by where either of you live just so things aren't so weird after... and get to know her in person... Good Luck

2007-02-14 22:22:14 · answer #7 · answered by Need to know 2 · 0 0

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