I am talking about my biological father. He was never around when I was growing up. He never paid child support or came to see me. My mother told me that when she was pregnant he would throw huge temper fits and lock her in the closet right before he left for work and she beat the knob with a high heeled shoe from the inside of the closet to get out. She divorced him when I was a baby. Now all of a sudden he wants to jump into my adult life and say, "Here's Daddy Jon, I Love you." Well I was raised by my mother and my wonderful step father ever since I was 2, who is the only Daddy I have ever known. Somehow my biological father got my telephone number and has called me a couple times, telling me that he loves me and and I just don't feel a thing honestly. I quickly chaned the subject, one time I said, "thank you". I don't know how else to react or if I even want to have a relationship with him at all. Do you tell someone that you don't love them but you respect them?
2007-02-14 12:51:58 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
He told me that everything my mother said happened was true and that since it was in the past I could forget it.
2007-02-14 13:10:54 · update #1
My parents would be really hurt by this if I went further, since they know how he wanted nothing to do with me back then...I think I have my answer.
2007-02-14 13:13:00 · update #2
Now that you are all grown up (thanks to your mom's blood, sweat and tears) he wants to come to you hoping that you will be nice to him and treat him as a father and giving him the benefits of a father. He doesn't deserve anything from you and you should distance yourself from him. He is nothing but a freeloader.
2007-02-14 17:54:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should just say...you are my father but you are not my dad. There is a difference. Anybody can be a father. A rapist can be a father. But it takes someone special to be a dad. From then on just address him as "father". Not dad. If he has any kind of a brain he will get the hint. If he pursues it just ask him where he was all the hard years of your life and what teachings he instilled in you. Once he thinks about it he will realize that there is nothing there. If you don't want to call him father then call him by his first name. But in no way should you call him dad. That is for that special person that was there for you when you needed him. Sounds like your stepfather was a very special person. Maybe you should discuss it with him. I'm sure if you told him how you really felt about him as compared to your "father" he would also guide you on this too. Good luck. If I were you I'd stick closer to my stepfather and not really give the other the time of day. Get caller ID and don't answer the phone.
2007-02-14 13:11:51 · answer #2 · answered by Me2 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sorry to say, but a lot of moms who got their feelings hurt by their husbands (their child's father) make the father look bad in child's eyes. Your dad might have been looking for you all this time, but she wouldn't allow him (possibly because he did the closet thing, and she was scared for you). She might have moved, changed phone number etc...
You might want to hear his side of story. At least, don't push him away. Get to know him, and make up your own mind about him, instead of trusing your mom. (i'm not saying your mom is bad or anything, its just that you are old enough to have your own opinion without the influence of others).
as for what you can say when he says he loves you: you can tell him that you can't say that yet, that you need to build a relationship with him first, and then you might be able to say it. He is an adult, he will understand that you can't love someone just because they are related to you. Explain that you do want to get to know him.
Good luck!
2007-02-14 13:05:03 · answer #3 · answered by jpcjulia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously you dont need him. He never gave you the time of day I wouldnt give him the time. My moms real father did the same things to her and right when he found out he was sick and dying knowing that my mother took care of her mom and step dad until the passed on he thought he could come live with her and be taken care of. Wrong everytime he called excluding the first call cuz she didnt know who he was she just didnt answer the phone (caller id) He even called me and sent me a couple of emails. Of course he got no response from me either. You need to do and feel what is in your heart. You have the right to be angry. When your ready let him have it.
2007-02-14 13:06:18 · answer #4 · answered by betty boop 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems to me that you still respect your bio father after all what happened. to say thank you is a good start to at least know him. Everything changes in this world. There maybe reason or reasons why it happened in the past. now that you've grown, he might have realised his mistakes and want to correct it. having some reservation will not hurt you and showing a little respect will make him happy even though you are not sure if you want to have a relationship with him. If you can show love and respect to others, say neighbour, why not show him a little respect and a little love, after all he still your father.
2007-02-14 13:57:55 · answer #5 · answered by Edward M 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
We can never really know the mind of another, so dont let this become more than what it is. He is trying to make some effort with you and maybe its easier for him to say than I'm sorry. Just dont make a big deal out of it and you dont have to say anything.....and you dont need to explain it to him either. If you are not ready to be having phone converstaions with him then you need to tell him that. If he insists on calling you get a caller Id or change your number to an unpublished one. Until he does something to earn your respect, dont just say things for needing to say something,,,,you dont have to say anything at all until you are really ready too. Take care.
2007-02-15 11:13:01 · answer #6 · answered by Val 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't blame you for being uncomfortable. He's not been a good father. You're not required to love him.
That said, many people begin to regret bad choices they've made in the past - especially where their children are concerned. I say give him a chance, over time, to win your respect and trust - if he is worthy. It's on him to prove himself to you - not the other way around. Be cautious, be respectful, but give it a chance. And if you get to the point that it's too painful - or too anything - you can walk away.
What to say when he tells you he loves you? The same thing I say to my stepmonster when she says it to me:
"Thank you."
Best of luck to you!
2007-02-14 13:18:52 · answer #7 · answered by Wendy S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that it's very important to be honest in this situation. You don't really know your birth father, so it's completely understandable that you don't love him. I think it's good that you are able to say that you respect him. I don't see anything wrong with saying that you respect him, but don't love him, but I also think it would be good to give him a chance to be part of your life. We all make mistakes when we are young, and perhaps he is coming to realize that he made a mistake by failing to be a part of your life. Give him a chance; you will be a better person for it.
2007-02-14 13:30:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Generic lyrics most likely set to an untalented beat to stimulate simple minds. There are so many songs with the same words. Pity, religion is such a great franchise. I should think of going into it if I become insolvent.
2016-03-29 06:51:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say to him the same things you have said here. When he says I love you say "I don't know how to react to that since I don't feel the same way." If speaking to him makes you uncomfortable don't do it. Tell him, I'm not really comfortable talking to you.' Be honest. You have no reason to try and spare his feelings.
2007-02-14 13:09:21 · answer #10 · answered by babydoll 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋