My best friend is a compulsive liar - Should I confront him?

Question

My best friend and I have known eachother for five years. When I first met him - I thought he was an amazing guy. He seemed to relate to me so well. We had a couple of friends who were gay. My friend thought I liked them more than him and all of a sudden - he was gay. I always thought he was straight. I just thought he hid it well. Over the years he kept on telling all these stories that seemed too good to be true. He would tell me how many guys and girls fall over him all the time and how he has sex with different people all the time. It got to a point where it became very annoying. (All my friends swear he's a virgin.) I was never allowed over to his house cuz his mom supposedly had stalker issues. I found out from his brother that they lived in an apartment and my friend didn't want me to know he lived there because he already told everyone in school he lived in the rich side of town. Now his lies are piling up and I don't know what to do. Should I confront him?

Answer 1

It's been my personal experience that most people whom are compulsive liars tend to regard their lies as reality.

In essence, they build up a fantasy world for themselves. Before too long, they are so caught up in this world, that they are unable to tell what is fantasy and what is reality. It's a delusion, of sorts.

These people will often take great lengths to defend their lies and fantasies, because they do not want to face their own reality. These can even include violent tendencies.

Take care in confronting the compulsive liar. Most likely, this person suffers from depression, and has very low self-esteem. The better friend would be there for him, especially when his world comes crashing down on its own, as they often tend to do.

Answer 2

It depends on what kind of person you are. For me, honesty is the most important thing in a person over anything. I cannot be and will never be friends with a liar. However, if you're okay with her exaggerations, then there's not much you can do. There are many people, especially younger people, who feel the need to lie about everything in their lives in order to make themselves "ideal." They are so afraid of being unaccepted and uninteresting that they forget the value of the truth and how repulsive it is to lie. Confronting her will just make her angry and defensive. She needs help beyond what you can give to her, as a friend. So either drop the friendship and let her go her own way, or continue to be friends.

Answer 3

That's a tough one. You don't want to embarass him, but you don't want to put up with the bull either. Keep in mind, he must have low self esteem or he wouldn't think he has to MAKE himself interesting.

I think I'd look for something you KNOW he does well, or something good that you KNOW he's done...and kind of brag on him about it (when he can hear you). Then, when he tries to add onto that story later (when you're alone)...say "Oh, come on. I believe you did this, but NO one does that." If you do that EVERY time he starts, he might stop.

Just try to break him of it gently. If you confront him with a really hardline, you'll only make his self esteem that much worse, and if he already feels THAT bad about himself, he'll feel AWFUL if he thinks his best friend thinks he's so lame, he has to lie.

Answer 4

Confronting your friend may hurt your friendship.
However, if you do confront them on it, be sure to start out by letting them know that you truly value your relationship with them and that you would never want anything to change that or get in the way---prior to questioning them as to why they feel the need to exaggerate or make something up.

One of my sisters are a habitual liar -- however he reason is due to the need to be the center of attention. She doesn't do it around me any more wants I started blowing the ridiculous lies off by not giving her the attention or response she was looking for.

Best of luck!

Answer 5

The only way for a compulsive liar to break the compulsion is to be confronted by those who know they're lying. It may not work so if it doesn't sever the relationship because it can't be a real friendship.

Answer 6

The key word is compulsive. Look that word up and you will find out that it does not matter whether or not you confront him, he will still lie. If I were you, I'd wait until I became a psychiatrist, before I confronted him, that way you might be able to do him some good.

Answer 7

don't you suppose he already knows he's a liar?? It certainly won't get you anywhere confronting him. He'll deny everything. My daughter-in-law couldn't speak the truth if the good Lord himself was standing in front of her. she lies her way in trouble and out of trouble and then lies some more. He truly isn't your friend but the pathological liar can play head games and actually make you believe them, even when you know they are lying, for some reason you are still willing to believe him??

Answer 8

You may want to tell him that he doesn't need to tell all these stories to get you to like him or be his friend, that you'll like him anyway for who he is. And tell him that you like him less for lying to you, because best friends should always be honest and open with each other.

Answer 9

I've had this experience. Even when I would let him know that I had him, he would continue as if he wasn't exposed. I finally just stopped taking his calls and told a mutual friend why.

Answer 10

I would, let him know that he's not living a life, he's living a lie, and it'll most likely get to the point where he starts ruining peoples lives and hurting them. (he probably gets something weird from his mother.)