I am getting married in May, and we have been engaged since last April. So it has almost been a year. The WHOLE time, my fiance has shown no interest in the wedding plans. He doesn't even know the date or colors! It isn't like I am keeping anything from him, I talk about it to him all the time. But he doesn't listen obviously to the things I say. And he doesn't even have his groomsmen picked out or his bestman! I don't know if I should cancel the whole wedding, or is there a way for me to get him to help?
2007-02-14 11:50:11 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
i understand that guys aren't as interested in the wedding as we females are, but all i have asked him to do is choose his best man and groomsmen...i would think he would want to at least do that...
2007-02-14 11:59:29 · update #1
Usually, the wedding is the girls thing. Guys don't usually care. My fiance said that I can do anything that I want, just tell him the time to show up and the date, and he's good.
The only thing he wanted any input in was what food we were going to have at the reception. I let him choose that, and he was completely satisfied.
Don't freak out because he isn't helping. He just wants to marry you, and he probably doesn't care if there's a big ceremony, or if it were in a small room with a JP.
2007-02-14 11:56:32 · answer #1 · answered by Missing 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, I know exactly what you are going through. I don't talk, I do. I write up a list of everything I need from him by the date and time at the beginning of each week. In my list, I express the importance of having the info I need. You have to be clear and direct because most of the time, they don't get it. For instance I am getting married in August and I was being told I was planning too much, too early. After that, he just got tired of hearing about the wedding so I had to devise a way to talk less and get more results. Good luck but if you cancel the wedding for that reason, you will never get married.
2007-02-16 05:09:11 · answer #2 · answered by sjlova86 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
uh.... well two things, A) he's a guy. B) if you truley are talking about it all the, he doesn't need to ask anything, you're all ready telling him. Guys are real lazy about these sorts of things. Work it back wards. Ask him how much money can you guys spend, then ask " where would be cool place to go for the honeymoon, you know, to get away from all this wedding crap" then keep working in that direction, so now you have him thinking about budget and honeymoon. Then maybe you could throw in, "if we hire a crappy band, we'll have more money for dresses". then he'll be thing about the reception.
I'm probably wrong but give it a shot and blame it on some crazy guy on the internet if it doesn't work.
congratulations to you both.
2007-02-14 12:02:50 · answer #3 · answered by emkay4597 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him he needs to step up to the plate and start choosing the groomsmen or he will have noone standing with him at the ceremony. HE needs to be involved in the planning as well.
Find out why. Does he secretly want a small intimate wedding? Just immediate family? Or just you two with a JOP?
Sounds like I'd rethink the situation with his total lack of interest, especially if he doesn't start speaking up after you've had a chat with him.
2007-02-15 00:06:25 · answer #4 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is the middle of February. I can understand not being interested in colors, etc., but the DATE is a little worrisome. Give him a deadline of March 1 for groomsmen (are you planning a wedding that's bigger than he's comfortable with and he's passively resisting it by not doing his duties?). They have to get measured for tuxes, etc.
Have you copied a groom's time-table list from a wedding book or simplified one and typed up several copies for him? (So you can keep giving one to him as he loses one.) Put dates next to things to be done by.
Stop talking about it all the time. He's probably sick of it and wonders if you remember who he is. Plan some activities like you used to do when you were falling in love.
2007-02-14 12:00:51 · answer #5 · answered by Casperia 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW! Getting married is a mutual thing. You BOTH should be excited. Duah. If he is not excited, and not even interested...that's a big red flag. Don't be naive. Your statement about guys not being excited is all wrong. They are excited (if they really want to get married), the only thing is they are probably not as excited to do all the pretty little work to design the wedding. But the best man and stuff...your going to pick that too? That is his side of the wedding party. His boys. Sounds like you are forcing this wedding and your the only one that wants it. CANCEL asap.
2007-02-14 12:59:56 · answer #6 · answered by BE HAPPY! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Congrats to you both! Just remember though that you are not alone. I have gone through the same thing with my fiance and so has my cousin. One thing that helped calm me down was to ask him why he was not interested in the planning or picking the date. His answer was simple. When the man is truly in love with his bride he wants nothing more than to give her the wedding of her dreams. He would get married in a courtroom if that is what I wanted. It was not that he was not interested in the planning. He liked hearing the progress and my ideas because they were mine and what I wanted. Your fiance may be the same way. Just sit him down and ask him! He may just be letting you plan the wedding of your dreams!
2007-02-14 12:40:40 · answer #7 · answered by kansasredneckwomen 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to the world of wedding planning! Men care nothing about the details, they leave that up to the girls, most men know that women have been planning their "special day" since they were 3 years old! He does need to pick his groomsmen and best man pretty quick, you need to make arrangements for tuxes if they will be wearing them. I'd come right out and ask him if he is going to pick the guys, or would he prefer you to do it, either way, make a decision soon.
2007-02-15 07:58:37 · answer #8 · answered by Lynny K 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He should be showing some interest as well as help plan this, this is his day as well as yours. He needs to wake up. Next time you two are alone talk to him, ask him if he really wants this wedding, if he says yes than ask him if he loves you, once he says yes than tell him if he loves you than please show some interest in your wedding help you plan it. Tell him that this is really special to you and you want it to be just as great for him. Tell him how stressful it is with just you doing all the planning and want him to get involved. Once he sees that hes doing all of this wrong and should help. Than things should get better, if not than i dont know what to say, communication is the best key with couples if he doesnt listen to you i dont know what will become of your relationship in the future till he starts putting just the same amount of work and effort as you are than things could only get worse.
2007-02-14 13:29:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you on this, because my fiance still wont pick out if his friend or brother will be bestman, and wont help me on the planning even though he says he wants his opion to count i cant get one out of him on anything.
try to sit him down and have 1 night a week where you talk about the wedding, make sure its not in a room where he can ignore you
best of luck to you
2007-02-15 03:24:59 · answer #10 · answered by scarlett13854 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋