This is the worst valentine ever my bf of 2 years?

Question

showed up empty handed today. Well Today I was going crazy cooking him a valentine candle lit dinner i was dressed sexy i had slow music playing everything and i didnt even get a rose in return nothing not even a card from the dollar store! Now I know what everyone is thinking well maybe he was broke no he just made two thousands dollars the other day its not about the money at all but i just feel like ouch he didnt even think of me to spend a dollar on me what should i do I ve been crying for about 2 hours now i cried all through dinner and i cant stop crying and feeling unaprieacated I cook for him i clean for him i wash his clothes i pick up his mail i do everything for him i feel like im a slave and in return i dont even get a thank you please anyone with some advice to me...

he knows that im upset because he is here right now he says that i dont do anything for him another thing with him i think he is having an affair he told me he can get more affection from his weekend girlfriend I believe it because he is never home on weekends

Answer 1

Not everyone thinks about Valentines Day. I'm the forgetful one in the relationship and am very lucky if I get reminded of this day in time to pick something up before heading home. My poor husband never forgets this stuff and thankfully forgives my lack of calendar reading skills even after missing almost everyone VDay in 15 years.

After all the work you put into the dinner, I can see how you would be so upset. But, how did he react? Did he forget or did he refuse to participate in the commercial aspect of the holiday? Was he uncaring? Was he apologetic? Did he notice? Did you hide the fact you were upset, or did you try to discuss it with him?

Let him know how you feel! Also, give him the opportunity to make it up if he sees how much it means to you. If he refuses to see that you feel unappreciated, if he refuses to see that he needs to show you more consideration, it might be time for you to rethink this relationship.

If you love him, it may be a let down today, but tomorrow it may not matter so much.

WAITAMINUTE! I just saw that you added to your post. Man! If he is that cold, tell him to take himself to that weekend girlfriend now! She can be the keeper of this insensitive pig... all his cooking, cleaning and mail pickup. Be sure not to feed this loser again.

Answer 2

I'm sorry that he did this to you. I can definately understand how you must be feeling. Did you explain to him how he has made you feel? I'm not trying to defend him but he might have a good reason but you won't know unless you ask him and try to do it in a non-threatening way. As for the worst valentines ever, mine was with my bf of 4 1/2 years and I found out that he had been cheating on me for a couple of years and I had no clue. That was my worst Valentines Day.

Answer 3

Before you go any furthur, ask yourself this: has your relationship been going well lately? Have you guys had any problems?

If it hasn't, maybe this is his way of starting the breakup process.

However, I don't know where you live, but it is still early. Maybe he is being lazy and getting you a gift now or maybe he has a suprise waiting for you.

Answer 4

Here is an exerpt from a book answering why you don't feel appreciated right now. Basically, it is saying that you might show love by "Acts of service." By, doing something. He might show love by "words of affirmation." See very bottom for a summary.

Read on:

How We Communicate Love
Why is it that so few couples seem to have found the secret to keeping love alive after the wedding? The problem is that what has been overlooked is one fundamental truth: People speak different love languages.

Your emotional love language and the language of your partner may be as different as Chinese from English. Being sincere is not enough.

Seldom do partners have the same primary love language. We must be willing to learn our partner’s primary love language if we are to be effective communicators of love.

There are basically five emotional love languages. Here are the five ways that people speak and understand emotional love:

Words of Affirmation: Verbal compliments, or words of appreciation, are powerful communicators of love. They are best expressed in simple, straightforward statements of affirmation.

Quality Time: Looking at each other and talking, giving your undivided attention. That twenty or more minutes of time will never be had again: we are giving our lives to each other. It is a powerful communicator of love.

Receiving Gifts: A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say “Look, he was thinking of me,” or “She remembered me”. The gift is a symbol of thought and the thought remains not only in the mind but is expressed in actually securing the gift and giving it as an expression of love.

Acts of Service: Doing things you know your spouse would like you to do. You seek to please her by serving her, to express your love for her by doing things for her. These acts require thought, planning, time, effort, and energy.

Physical Touch: For some individuals, physical touch is their primary love language. Without it, they feel unloved. With it, their emotional tank is filled, and they feel secure in the love of their spouse. The touch of love may take many forms. Don’t make the mistake that the touch that brings pleasure to you will also bring instant pleasure to her.

When we choose active expressions of love in the primary love language of our spouse, we create an emotional climate where we can deal with our conflicts and failures.

What if the love language of your loved one is something that doesn’t come naturally to you? When an action doesn’t come naturally, it is a greater expression of love.

Source: The Five Languages of Love by Gary Chapman

Another article:
The Characteristics of Healthy Love
People in healthy relationships have the following characteristics.

1. They allow for individuality.
2. They experience both oneness with and separateness from another.
3. They bring out the best qualities in self and another.
4. They accept endings.
5. They experience openness to change and exploration.
6. They invite growth in the other person.
7. They experience true intimacy.
8. They feel the freedom to ask honestly for what is wanted.
9. They experience giving and receiving in the same way.
10. They do not attempt to change or control the other.
11. They encourage self-sufficiency of partners.
12. They accept limitations of self and other.
13. They do not seek unconditional love.
14. They accept and respect commitment.
15. They have a high self-esteem.
16. They trust the memory of the beloved; they enjoy solitude.
17. They express feelings spontaneously.
18. They welcome closeness; risk vulnerability.
19. They care with detachment.
20. They affirm equality and personal power of self and other.

by Dr. Brenda Schaeffer, licensed psychologist, certified addiction specialist and author of "Love’s Way: The Union of Body, Ego, Soul and Spirit" and "Is It Love Or Is It Addiction?" available at your local bookstore, at www.loveandaddiction.com or by calling 888-987-6129.

Summary: He might still love you, but he doesn't know how to express his deepest feelings to you. Ask him to say whatever he wants to to you. Tell him you will not yell or react in any way. He can say whatever is on his mind.

Regarding your last comment: Cut off all communication from him for 30 days. Then, see if he comes back. If he truely loves you, he will. If he doesn't, then let him keep doing whatever he is doing behind your back. Don't let him take you down with him!

Answer 5

permit me harm this down for you: perchance final weekend whilst your boyfriend went to Columbus he grew to become into crushing on Tyler and informed Bethany( I propose ain't that what you do once you like somebody...u tell a chum) and now that Tyler has broke up with is boyfriend,Bethany is attempting to place your guy interior the direction of the door( in case you comprehend what I propose)...perchance letting him flow to Columbus on my own opened his eyes to ascertain what else is presented...talk with him approximately it...yet no longer in a confronting way....sturdy success

Answer 6

tell him, us guys are not mind readers. Probably was gonna give you some loving, but you got all upset. Hes an ignorant pig and doesnt deserve you. Fix me dinner next time. Thanks in advance.

Answer 7

Stop doing things for him, he doesn't respect you if he makes you feel that way. You deserve better

Answer 8

so what's the problem, he sounds like a smart guy to me.

Answer 9

calmmm downn....maybe hes got something special planned....u never know