How do you overcome bitterness and hate of past relationships while trying to start another relationship?

Question

I cannot count how many times I've been let down, lied to, cheated on, mentally abused in the past. I know we're supposed to live and learn, but I just don't understand why I can't find happiness. How can I get over the past when the past is the only thing i can bear to focus on?

Answer 1

This is a hard question to answer. I know exactly how you feel because I felt the same way just a year ago. I have had the plethora of relationships in the past, and they can be very hard to get over. After a little while, your life will start to look up again. You see, After you've heard a joke too many times, you don't laugh because there is no more cognitive dissonance - you have no more response to it. Six months (or weeks or days, depending on the person) after a relationship, you no longer cry because it's no longer causing a stress reaction in your brain, (you have found a solution to the cognitive dissonance). Even now, years after, I don't cry although it still doesn't make any sense.

Answer 2

i think the main reason happiness can't be found, is that we pick the wrong people, settle for less than we deserve, we do have to Learn from our past, but at the same time we have to stop ourselves from letting the bitterness and hurt eat us up. got to watch what u are telling yourself, as our thoughts have alot to do with our emotions, things like depression, anger, hurt, anxiety, we have to tell ourselves good things, and put the past away, if we don't the past has a Good chance of becoming our present. we have no control over our past but we do over our present and our future. sure u are going to leave each unhappy relationship a little bit more cautious, and not as trusting, but at some point we do have to open ourselves up for love again and trust someone. therapy would be a good place to start.

Answer 3

Good luck to ya bud... And if you ever get a real answer.. be sure to let me know.. I've been working on similar issues from over 10 years ago.. How I've dealt with it for tha past 3 years is just not to have a relationship at all.. I only casual date once and a while.. and thats it..

Answer 4

I'm not saying this to be mean but maybe you should re=evaluate the type of men you choose. It seems to be a frequent problem for all people (not just women) to fall for the same type of person over and over again. All I can say is to let the past go. It is always disaster to bring past relationships into current ones. just realize that all men are not the same and there are good men out there. you just can't blame the current one for past ones mistakes. give every person their fair chance.