Me and my boyfriend have been dating exclusively for almost 3 years. We have talked about marriage, and he does want to get married someday, but he says I'm wishing my life away when I say I'm ready to be engaged/get married. It's not the ring that I want, it's the fact I want to be HIS fiance and wife. I've told him that and still he insists that I'm rushing things. What can I do to help him see how I feel and what I want?
2007-02-14 09:34:29 · 10 answers · asked by laurencharlene1018 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
How Can I Get Him to Propose??
Let's face it, ladies, getting a guy to propose is never easy. It's not that he doesn't love you, or even that he is scared of the commitment; most of the time, guys just aren't that great at thinking the situation through and seeing how important getting married is to their girlfriends. Here are some ways that you can get your man thinking in the right direction when it comes to offering a proposal.
Never be obvious
You know how guys never look at maps or consult instruction or assembly manuals? It's not because they know what they are doing, it's because they hate to be told what to do. This is as true about their personal lives as it is about new household implements.
Even more, guys hate to be told what to do indirectly. Leaving bridal magazines around the house or insisting on looking at rings every time you go out will only entrench him against a proposal. It might seem subtle to you, but if it subtle enough for him to realize, it's not subtle enough.
Then what is subtle?
The best way to be subtle about a marriage proposal is to never let the guy know what you are thinking, what he is starting to think, and most of all never let him know that you know what he is starting to think. If this sounds like a lot of work, it is! Getting a guy to propose to you is his way of paying you back for the difficulty he had in landing you in the first place. You are going to have to commit to a long term campaign of subterfuge.
The best strategy is in offering comments that are directed towards the idea of marriage, but which do not necessarily pertain to you as individuals. If you come across an article in the newspaper about a couple celebrating a 50th wedding anniversary, comment on it. Make sure to note how old they must have been when they got married; this will put it into perspective for him. Don't expand further or he will be on to you.
When you are out, just glance at jewelry stores. Don't go in. Trust me, he'll notice the glances and he will think that he has solved the puzzle all on his own. When you meet up with friends who are recently engaged or married, make sure to look at her rings. Again, make comments but limit them to the subtle. He'll realize that you would love one of your own without being told.
The coup d'etat
Getting a guy to propose can be a long campaign. While most of it may be waged on a level that is the relationship equivalent of tactical engineering, the final battle will need to be unmistakable. If you have been dating or living together for a long time, and still there has been no proposal, it is time to take a trip. This does not mean that you have to break up, or even declare a break. Just schedule a vacation by yourself. It should be long enough that he has plenty of time to work the joy of freedom out of his system and start to realize that he misses you; ten days is usually more than sufficient. If he is the man you want to marry, he will realize in this time that he does not want to be apart from you for this length again. A proposal will definitely be in the offing.
Now all you will have to do is set a wedding date.
2007-02-14 09:46:17 · answer #1 · answered by lilith2104 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"rushing things"? Maybe if you are 18 but not if you are 28. Baby, it's him, not you! There are guys out there who would get engaged within 6 months and married a year later. Create some distance, it won't kill you. Maybe he will learn to value you more if you are less available to him. Get the upper hand for once. If that does not work, run and do not walk.
2007-02-14 10:38:59 · answer #2 · answered by Brenda P 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well this guy has cold feet. you see, my fiance and i started chatting about it, (bc thats what people do when they are old) and the next thing you know, i have a georgeous ring on my finger bc he felt the same way i did. so that leaves questions--whats your status? you guys in school? you live together? take a look at your lives...there are many reasons im sure for him to feel this way. but most of all, if he is happy where he is now, there is nothing you can do to change his mind.
you told him how you feel, and he doesnt feel the same way, so you got two choices. Wait for him to warm up to the idea, or cool off and start to look elswhere. some guys aren't the marrying type. could be that his "some day" doesn't include you--OR you can propose to him. its 2007 girl! you can ask a guy to marry you ya know!
2007-02-14 09:47:17 · answer #3 · answered by beltanes_ember 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I was in this exact same position last year, I know it sucks and you're unsure of what to do. I suggest talking to him about why he feels that he isn't ready to become engaged. Sometimes its just the word that scares them. Don't accuse him of anything, try to be as understanding as possible. Ask him to listen to your reasons for wanting the commitment from him (have a list ready!). After talking about it, agree to BOTH think about what the other has said for a time, but leave the door open to talk about it if you need to. Unfortunately, you have to realize that he may be subconsciously terrified of marriage and commitment and you may have to either give in or give up. Personally, I gave up. After I did that he decided he could commit to me.
2007-02-14 09:52:31 · answer #4 · answered by Cas 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should talk to him about it and let him know how you really feel...i know you've tried but apparently it's not working. Just ask him why he won't purpose and why he doesn't want to be with you in that way. If it's something stupid try talking to him about it and see if you can change his mind. Maybe he's just scared to commit like that. Just let him know that it would be okay and that it's the right thing to do. If it's some other reason then try talking to him and see why that's the reason. Just continue to talk to him about it and let him know that this is what you really really want.
2007-02-14 09:43:48 · answer #5 · answered by Sally Doll 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have already done what you could, he is just not ready to get married. Ask him if there is something specific that he wants to acheive before you get engaged, eg complete college etc. Then do what you can to make that happen as quickly as you can.
2007-02-14 09:43:39 · answer #6 · answered by growing inside 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is not a good idea to get a guy to propose to you. They totally will when they are ready. Just enjoy your relationship and what you have together. When he is ready for marriage he will propose.
2007-02-14 09:45:11 · answer #7 · answered by Cheers 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You already have and that's obviously not what he wants. Time to move on, however much you love him, if you truly want something else.
2007-02-14 13:54:42 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do you really want to marry someone who you are considering 'tricking' into proposing...try reading, "he's just not that into you"
2007-02-14 10:02:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
Stop being available
2007-02-14 09:43:09 · answer #10 · answered by Silent Knight 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋