Why so judgemental?

Question

I am 19, my boyfriend is 29. we have been together 2 years and just had a child 3 months ago. My boyfriend has other children, which he pays child support on. He works 70 hours a week with the railroad to support me and our child. we have talked about marriage we just haven't done it yet. we do not have the money for the wedding we want right now.Why are people are so judgmental of my boyfriend just because of our age difference and the fact that he has previous children?

Answer 1

Sounds like he is a good honest working man if you ask me , you are 19 so you are an adult with a good head on your shoulders ..(I know this because you are 19 with a three month old ..not a three year old..) I guess people see that he has 9-10 years experience over you , but not to worry if he is good to you and is level headed , his experience can help you because he has already been there or experienced it before...at least you are not stuck with some 19 year old guy who does not handle his responsibilities.... I would say this to you both ..Good luck and tell all those not in favor of this relationship to ....(**this is where you cover the children's ears**)....bend over and kiss your F**King A** if they do not like it they ain't got to deal with it ..find the nearest high bridge an jump the f**k off ..that way they can pick up enough speed to get to hell ... F**K them...... There is nothing wrong with your relationship ..you two are happy in the relationship , therefor you can make the children involved happy ..best of luck to you both ..God Bless OH I almost forgot , you can uncover the children's ears now

Answer 2

Ten years is a big difference. Three years ago the not only the age difference but your ages period would have been considered stagetory rape. Just in case you don't understand what I mean by this; You would have been 16 and he would have been 26 (you would be under 18). Even though you are now 19 (over 18) people don't see that when they look at the two of you together. I'm not going to say I agree with the age difference or situation, but you are 19 (an adult) it is your choice on what you do with your life and who you want to be with. Friends and family members want you to make the right choices and be happy, but they probably pictured your life with someone moreat your level and age. Me being a mother I would feel the same way about my daughter if she decided /decides to be with a much older man, but when she becomes an adult the only thing I can do is give my advice and wish for the best. My daughter is fifteen and I have already learned you can tell your childrenwhat you want them to do, but there is only so much that you can actually make them do. This is why I had a mother to daughter talk with my child four months ago (when she started a seriuos relationship) and we agreed together that she would get on birth-control. You are now a mother. When your child starts getting to this stage you will understand exactly what everyone is telling you. Of course, You are saying I'm going to be different with mine, but honey you won't be that much different. TRUST ME!!!!!!

Answer 3

You said you've been together two years, so it sounds like when you first got involved you were 17 and he was 27. The age difference PLUS the fact you were underage when you first got involved may have a LOT to do with people's negativity.

10 years is not a huge difference if two people are 45 and 55. At 19 and 29, it is a HUGE difference. I hope things work out for the best for you, regardless of the hurdles you will be facing.

Answer 4

I think another question has to be, why are you so inquisitive? Why ask the question that you already know you aren't going to like the answer?

The reason why people are so judgemental is because of your age difference and him having previous children. With just those details about him, and him being broke all the time, it seems like he might just be using you until something better comes along. Now I know that's not being fair, but it just doesn't bode well for a lasting relationship. Also, with your lack of age, and his previous commitments to another child, your marriage is going to start rough. What's the #1 thing married couples argue about? Money. Another thing? Time together. You want to start a marriage with two major strikes against your boyfriend. His money is being sent off, and he has to spend extra time working instead of being with you. With your younger age, are you going to be mature enough to tolerate this ALL THE TIME? Aren't there going to be times when your child is wailing his head off and you are just not going to want to accept that your husband isn't there to help?

I'm not saying I have a problem and I'm not judging, but you did ask the question. You can anticipate some of these problems ahead of time and that should help. One thing I will suggest is that you two get together and figure out what you are going to do in some of these situations. Learn how to argue fair and don't hold his past against him. I know you have accepted that, so good luck!

Answer 5

Honey been there done that... here is why people are so judge mental... You are young... he has other children... why marry you when he can have sex with you and you take care of him... what is the benefit of marrying you... there is none. Children should be after a committed marriage has taken place... gotta go in order...
You do not have to have a big wedding... that is just an excuse. And you know that. if you both wanted to get married you would be already.
Take it from someone who knows... A wedding after a baby is a huge waist of money... you have a baby... spend the money on the baby not yourself.

Answer 6

You answered your own questions. They are judgemental because they don't approve of the age difference. They are judgmental because he has previous children.

People tend to be very suspicious of older men who date younger women. And though you are of legal age, you are still considered a teen, so automatically people are going to talk. But the fact you two have been together for two years and are planning to get married should show others just how serious you two are, and just how "grown-up" your relationship with him is. So if people do talk, pay them no attention.

Answer 7

Frankly, I think my parents were relieved when I married someone only 4 years younger than me. I have a track record w/men sometimes 20 years older than me - and no, it's not daddy issues, before I get slammed for that. It's the simple fact that I couldn't handle anyone in my age group with their stupid emotional and mental games.

Who you are, what you do, and who you love is your business - no one else's. True love does not know nor care about age, race, creed, nationality, or bubble gum flavor. Kudos to waiting for your wedding - we eloped and as much as I wanted it at the time, I regret it now. Keep saving!

Answer 8

because you are 19 thats why. Trust me in a couple of years no one will care. Good for you for not having an abortion! Good for him support all his little offsprings! God Bless the both of you! (my fiancee is 9 yrs older than me, it was weird to others at first, now im 27 and hes 34 i was 21 and he was 29 when we met. we have a son and a baby on the way, and everyone is happy for us now, but before everyone was skeptical, mostly his friends and family.

Answer 9

Well, people are always going to have a problem with something you do in your life. The only reason I think that people are judgmental is so that they can have something to talk about and that they may be a little jealous. As long as you love your man, I wouldn't even worry about them haters. People talk and ask me about me and my man all the time, but I don't worry about what they have to say.

Answer 10

because they are losers and it makes them feel better to judged other people....dont let it bother you.....they are just lacking something in their life and are taking it out on you...i see nothing wrong with you situation....good luck and i hope you have a great life together.

i would just like to say to everyone who thinks the age is SUCH a big deal i am engaged to a man 21 YEARS older than me and we are perfect for each other, he is the love of my life and i see nothing wrong with the age....that is up to them and not to everyone else and to the woman who said you should have children AFTER marriage......thanks for slamming all the single moms out there.....i have a 2 yr old daughter and have not been married and i am not marrying her father.....he was a loser.....as long as they are happy......who cares and i dont think it is right for others to make her feel bad about the man she loves....just because your situation sucked doesn't mean hers will.