2007-02-14 08:55:36 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
What's with all the stupid answers?
2007-02-14 09:16:43 · update #1
Forty days after his resurrection he ascended back into heaven where he is seated at the right hand of God the Father -- ever interceding for us.
During those 40 days it was this: From Acts 1:1-10
1In my former book, Theophilus, I wrote about all that Jesus began to do and to teach 2until the day he was taken up to heaven, after giving instructions through the Holy Spirit to the apostles he had chosen. 3After his suffering, he showed himself to these men and gave many convincing proofs that he was alive. He appeared to them over a period of forty days and spoke about the kingdom of God. 4On one occasion, while he was eating with them, he gave them this command: "Do not leave Jerusalem, but wait for the gift my Father promised, which you have heard me speak about. 5For John baptized with[a] water, but in a few days you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit."
6So when they met together, they asked him, "Lord, are you at this time going to restore the kingdom to Israel?"
7He said to them: "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. 8But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."
9After he said this, he was taken up before their very eyes, and a cloud hid him from their sight.
10They were looking intently up into the sky as he was going, when suddenly two men dressed in white stood beside them. 11"Men of Galilee," they said, "why do you stand here looking into the sky? This same Jesus, who has been taken from you into heaven, will come back in the same way you have seen him go into heaven."
From 1 Corinthians 15:3-8:
3For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance[a]: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, 4that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures, 5and that he appeared to Peter,[b] and then to the Twelve. 6After that, he appeared to more than five hundred of the brothers at the same time, most of whom are still living, though some have fallen asleep. 7Then he appeared to James, then to all the apostles, 8and last of all he appeared to me also.
2007-02-14 09:04:13 · answer #1 · answered by The Carmelite 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
well he wandered around the world riding a donkey and learning martial arts of all different cultures.
fater a humiliating defeat in the 1500's by george silver (jesus mistakenly studied savolio's itialian rapier fencing which was no match for silver's english backsword system- as pointed out in his book "Paradoxes of Defence 1599"), he travelled to america where he lived among the indian tribes for a time and was known as white running sore after catching ghonnorea from pocahontas.
disguising himself as the notorious outlaw william bonney in order to get some poon from a chick billy was boning, he was shot by pat garret in fort sumner in 1881.
Bieng pissed off that he had to ressurect himself yet again. Jesus paid $1,500 to the the notorious western killer for hire Deacon Jim Miller to kill pat garret in 1905.
After jesus got his revenge, he decided to play a joke on his jewish kinsmen and create the Hassidics, that way jewish people would have thier own "amish" and "mormons" to laugh at.
jesus then moved to south park colorado where he claimed some land and eventually opened up a tv talk show entitled "jesus and pals". The inspiration for this was none other than jerry springer.
Jesus still resides in south park today and has recently (after defeating the devil in a boxing match- which many claim the devil took a dive) gathered together a band of super heroes to fight for truth, justice and happy meals for all, called the Super Best Friends.
2007-02-14 09:13:21 · answer #2 · answered by Bluto Blutarsky4 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
When Jesus WAS crucified, "he resurected, came down from heaven, on the third day he rose from the dead, and is seated at the right hand of the father, god from god light from light begotten not made one in being with the father....." Now physically his body disappeared. Mary and her friend? went to see him, and found the tomb was open and all that was left is his "word for clothes back then" forgot the name. Anyways i hope this is what answer you were looking for? It's pretty easy to answer.... ask another question if it's not the answer you were looking for..
2007-02-14 09:00:43 · answer #3 · answered by ssig_ru2systems 2 · 2⤊ 3⤋
According to the New Testament, Jesus remained on Earth for another 40 days, then ascended into Heaven to be seated at the right hand of His Father (it's what we Catholics used to refer to as Ascension Thursday).
2007-02-14 08:59:28 · answer #4 · answered by SuzeY 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
He met with various disciples. At one point with 500 at a time. Then he went up into Heaven in the sight of his disciples.
2007-02-14 08:58:25 · answer #5 · answered by Mr Ed 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The Bible says he ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father. I think God let him go on vacation before getting back to the business at hand.
Besides, it says he was resurrected, not that he caused it himself. God raised him
2007-02-14 08:59:25 · answer #6 · answered by Master Ang Gi Guong 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
i concept it become the Romans who Crucified Jesus through the calls for of the Jews ? yet to attempt to respond to the question you've been attempting to invite. ‘ If Jesus become no longer Crucified ‘ . little question the Pharisees would have punished Jesus. for sure his Priesthood would were rescinded, Jesus would were an outcast from mainstream Judaism and compelled to make sure his personal little sect – like the Essenes or the Christians . He would were compelled to stay in a overseas u . s . and pontificate to Gentiles . maximum probable , the great Jewish intense council would have found yet in a distinct thanks to kill him – in view that they were very disenchanted at being recalled on Passover eve to carry a tribulation for a renegade priest.
2016-11-28 02:42:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He wasn't resurrected. It's a fable. He may have never even lived. It is entirely possible that Jesus was invented by early Christians. Look at the similarities to Krishna and other earlier holy figures.
2007-02-14 08:59:15 · answer #8 · answered by Gene Rocks! 5 · 1⤊ 4⤋
he didnt resurect himself. he died with the sins of man and was cast into the lake of fire (hell) he then captured the keys to hell and ascended into heaven, somewhere along the way he made himself apparent to mary and some apostles and they saw his ascention. now he waits until the day of his return where he will judge you and me for our life ( trial ) on earth. any more questions?
2007-02-14 09:00:34 · answer #9 · answered by lankford01102 2 · 2⤊ 3⤋
He got a part time job on a sitcom involving Jerry Seinfeld and Sean Hayes.
2007-02-14 08:58:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋