Opinions of my poem-good as is or does it require more?--Well it was early in the morning when I decided 2?

Question

have a little ol' rap with God
When I suddenly heard a noise outside that sounded like a supped up hot rod
So I went 2 the window and looked around both 2 the west and the east
When 2 my surprise up pulled a old Ford and in it was the Beast
Well,he waved at me and said,"Come on boy and jump into my 32 Ford
And I said,"I can't and I won't cause I was about 2 talk 2 my Lord"
But the devil's persistent and won't give up,he can't afford the loss
So I reached in my pocket and pulled out a replica of the cross
Well the devil laughed and it came from what is supposed 2 B his heart
And asked me straight 2 my face,"What,U think that will rip me apart?
Don't U know I'm the master of all evil,Satan,the dark 1
Don't U know that with me U can do whatever and have some fun?"
I stood in disbelief at what I was hearing and seeing with my own very eye's
All the unrightousness,all the unpurity and most of all the lies
He was trying 2 deceive and corrupt me and lead me down his dark path

He was trying 2 deceive me and lead me down his dark path
He wasn't about 2 give up on me,He was about 2 unleash his wrath
He jumped outside of the car and waited 4 me while he held open the door
He said,"Jump on in,we'll go 4 a spin and m
aybe even take U down 1 floor"
He tipped his and and motioned me in and from behind I felt a gentle shove
But I stood my ground with God's,The Holy Ghost's and the Son's love



This is as far as I got.Should I leave it as is or does it need more added?

He wasn't about 2 give up on me,He was about 2 unleash his wrath
He jumped outside of the car and waited 4 me while he held open the door
He said,"Jump on in,we'll go 4 a spin and m
aybe even take U down 1 floor"
He tipped his and and motioned me in and from behind I felt a gentle shove
But I stood my ground with God's,The Holy Ghost's and the Son's love



This is as far as I got.Should I leave it as is or does it need more added?

Answer 1

i think you need to keep going. yes its a good idea to type out the words instead of using numbers, even if you are trying to save space.

The beat gets a little off right here:
"But the devil's persistent and won't give up,he can't afford the loss
So I reached in my pocket and pulled out a replica of the cross"

Maybe "but the devil's persistant, he can't afford the loss, so I pulled out of my pocket a replica of the cross". remember persistent and "wont give up" is redundant anyway.

Anyway keep going. I want to hear the rest. :)

Answer 2

Lose the Arabic numerals when alphabetical words serve best. You lack credible punctuation, organization, and your dialogue must be formatted correctly.

In short, find the book, "The Elements of Style" by Strunk and White, get a dictionary, and retype the poem. After six or seven edits it should be ready to exhibit--maybe.

Your manuscript is automatically copyrighted once you've printed a copy having your name on it.

Answer 3

First copyright anything that you post on the web. Second listen to the song " don't let the devil ride" you'll be inspired. Now remember that the devils purpose is to steal, kill and destroy, now think, the devil is a liar and carry on from there!
Be blessed.

Answer 4

in accordance to previous custom a common operating individual ought to awaken in the previous solar upward push. NOW, in accordance to me you need to bypass to sleep at 12 am and awaken at 6 am continually . If u can do it continually for 40 days i guess think ofyou've got a marvelous fulfillment on your paintings .yet keep in suggestions be strict to time i.e 6am means 6am oly it is going to no longer flow to 6:01 am. i'm hoping you need to attempt this

Answer 5

As an atheist I think it's silly but I will try to offer some constructive criticism.

It's not so much a poem as a long country song. You are using too many words to convey your thoughts. I'd advise trying to say it in half as many lines each of which is half as long.

Answer 6

It ends rather abruptly, doesn't it....?

Are you still writing?

Answer 7

i hate it okay