When my husband has the kids for his weeks, I have discovered that he will have business trips and leave them at his mother's or with an overnight babysitter at at someone's house. He does not let me know where they are.
Should I know or should I not care because it is his time with them?
2007-02-14 07:46:19 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Absolutely! I don't think it should change the outcome of their visits. However, you should know where your kids are and who they are with at all times. Ask your husband? to give you an idea of what the kids will be doing on his weeks. And you should give him the same courtesy and let him know where the kids are when they are with you.
Good luck.
Quick example:
I work in a hospital and the kids were in a accident...ATV. The mom had no info to offer the doctor. The kid was with dad for visit and the child must have been with a friend and went on a trip to the everglades to go riding on ATV's! Mom didnt even know who the friend was! Its just better to be informed.
2007-02-14 07:55:08 · answer #1 · answered by Doris A 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Ummm. What do you mean should you not care? Of course you should. If they are not with their Father, they should be with you, except for the OCCASIONAL night at the Grandparent's.
Your children have NO business spending the night with an overnight babysitter when you are available (that means not in the hospital-a date etc. is not an acceptable excuse).
Also, you need to keep a journal of all this starting now, for when he tries to get custody from you. The famous last words of EVERY mother I know who had lost custody of her children to her ex are: "oh he would never do that" or "he would never win". Please consult an atty about this (free the first time) because I know you will not believe me.
It looks really bad on you both when your children are being cared for by someone else-especially when you should be caring for them. You will be the one this comes back on in court, as they will consider business trips part of his job.
2007-02-14 16:06:04 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HE IS NOT ALLOWED TO DO THAT!! You HAVE TO be provided with the Name, Address and Phone Number of where your children are!! I would go back to court anyway. If he is out of town on business, why does he need the kids?! His visitation is HIS visitation, not his mother's or anyone else's. And YES you should care where your children are!!! What if something were to happen to them when they are with whoever?! I have found that even though it is HIS time with the kids, you are not off duty as a mom. If you are worried about your kids like you should be, get an attorney and tell every single last detail to them, even if it seems like a stupid thing to tell.
I just read your question again and you said HUSBAND. If you are married you shouldn't have a custody arrangement! And if you're in the middle of a divorce, stay in contact with your attorney. My ex-husband tried to take my son (as in kidnap) in the middle of our divorce. This is a messed up situation and I feel sorry for your children.
2007-02-14 16:07:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
EVERY parent should know where his/her children are at all times. What if an emergency happened and you had no way to locate them OR they were in a dangerous situation and you did not even know where they were?
Yes , this is suppose to be his time with them . Not their time with a baysitter or other family member. IF it is court ordered visitation that he has been given then the time is to be spent with him and if there are changes to this , he needs to get approaval from you first. IF he is unwilling to respect your right as their mother to know where your children are and who they are with at all times , then you need to take legal action. You have to be sure your kids are safe at all times and if he is just leaving them anywhere at any time then you can not be sure of their safety.
2007-02-14 15:54:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should know. Not as a nosy parent, but as a concerned parent wanting to know the where abouts of their children. What if you want to call and tell them something. You wouldn't be able to do it. Now, the same would go for you. If they stay somewhere and you are not home, you should let the father know. So he can contact them if he feels like it. But yes, you should know.
2007-02-14 15:57:06 · answer #5 · answered by Shari 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From a parenting perspective, yes. It's "fair" to ask that you be told if they aren't with him.
However... if he has legal custody, then it's his right to do as he sees fit (unless the custody agreement says otherwise). As long as the children aren't being mistreated, he's legally allowed to do it.
That said, the question here is whether or not what he's doing is fit parenting. Staying with grandma or a responsible babysitter isn't necessarily bad parenting.
What you might want to do is go back to court and see if the arrangement can be changed, such that, when your (ex?) husband is away, you get custody. If he can argue that grandma has every right to see the kids on HIS weeks, and the judge buys it, then you'll have to live with it.
2007-02-14 15:56:29 · answer #6 · answered by Jay 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Yes he should. If he has prior obligations maybe he should think about taking them a different weekend if that's okay with you. The kids could be with you not some strange babysitter.
2007-02-14 15:51:20 · answer #7 · answered by juss toya 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whenever either of you have the children the other parent should always know if they won't be home for a couple of days, If they are going to grandma, or whever. I believe that is common respect to let the other parent know where and who you are leaving the children with. What if something happens how are you to know where to find your children at. But if you are wanting him to tell you but you won't tell him, then it's not fair for you to ask him to do something that you are not willing to do.
2007-02-16 01:26:25 · answer #8 · answered by dolphin 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should know 24-7 where your kids are at no matter if its his turn or not...what if something urgent was to happen and you don't have any way to get in contact with them ...accidents do happen...take control of the situation don't allow your kids to be with a babysitter wild that can be with you..
2007-02-14 16:12:38 · answer #9 · answered by mona w 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes because my friends father did that all the time. She was only 17 and her sister was 18 and havin to watch their 3 year old half sister. It broke the little girls heart. He was out doin all kinds of things never watching the kids. Well he lost her now because of his neglect, and has to prove to the judge that he wants to be with his kid. It thought him a lesson and now he's doin everything to have the right to see her again.
2007-02-14 15:57:42 · answer #10 · answered by karebearxoxo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋