should my mother in law have been pulled to the side, should i have spoken to my wife about it seperately?
2007-02-14 07:45:58 · 35 answers · asked by **** 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You don't need permission to defend your own child. That is your child. If someone doesnt like it that is their problem.
2007-02-14 07:56:17 · answer #1 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on what you were defending. Trivial or very serious? Some things you have to step in immediately, but other things can wait until you have time to discuss privately with your wife. I suggest diplomacy with in-laws if at all possible and even better to let your wife speak to her mother IF she will do it.
Does your mother-in-law live with you or just visit? That can be a factor in how you relate to each other as well.
What may be of more importance than anything is how your son sees things. I think that adults presenting a united front is best as a general rule. Otherwise he may decide that his grandmother has no authority over him, even when she may be right the next time. Because Dad will step in and defend him like this time.
And every family is different. What might be okay in my family, might cause a major uproar in yours. Only you and your wife can decide what is right for your son who is learning all he needs to know about life from you both. Hope this helps some.
2007-02-14 08:06:05 · answer #2 · answered by BlueJay 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IMO, If it is the mother in law and you are the husband in the relationship. I would have spoken to my wife and had her protect her son against her own mother. See your wife will always be forgiven by her mother no matter what type of argument they may have. But her mother has no loyalty to you, so she may hold a grudge possibly for a while putting your wife in a position to always have to defend you to her entire side of the family.
2007-02-14 07:59:55 · answer #3 · answered by ricepat2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it is not wrong in general to stand up for your son. That is manly enough. Your son should know that you will be fair and he himself will grow up to be fair as well. If something is done out in the open where everyone is a party to it, then everyone needs straightened out that way too. Unless, something private would be revealed that is best left in private. If that were the case, perhaps you could think about women's hearts and the need to shelter love more. That is manly as well.
Listening is the better part of every situation, and fairness and love require it. So the older fathers used to let everyone have their say first. Then they made some considerations. Then everyone shared in that. And usually Mother would settle it all with her heart. And probably Grandmother will come up with a nice surprise.
2007-02-14 07:53:17 · answer #4 · answered by QueryJ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're a good parent you'll defend and protect your child first and ask questions later. Both your wife and mother-in-law should know that.I don't think you did anything wrong, and I say that as a mother of 2 small kids. If you really feel bad you can apologize to your mother-in-law for the manner in which you defended your son but not for defending him.
2007-02-14 08:21:53 · answer #5 · answered by littlemama_rules 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think we need more detail. What specifically happened?
If your son did nothing wrong, and your mother-in-law is accusing your son of something that isn't fair -- it's okay to speak up politely and disagree. You don't have to be mean or rude - but gently stop her and tell her, "Mom, it's okay. I don't see anything wrong with this."
If your mother-in-law gets upset with you -- then is the time to pull her aside and talk about it. Just listening to the in-laws helps ease tension. No one want to feel like they are ignored or over looked.
I don't think you should have to involve your wife in this behind-the -scenes unless there are deeper family issues.
2007-02-14 07:51:39 · answer #6 · answered by Eyes 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it's not wrong, but depending on the situation and if your son is also your wife's son (like if this is your second marriage) - taking it more person to person instead of public would be more diplomatic and could serve the same purposes. There could be issues about your wife feeling set aside if you don't consult her etc :-) But the short answer is: No
2007-02-14 09:11:27 · answer #7 · answered by yomaan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It really depends on how you handled the situation. If it was something you did not like (do not do this in front of your son, big no, no he will get confused why another adult is in trouble), yes you probably should of talked to your wife, she knows her mom and will know how it was meant. However if it was less serious and it was not in front of your son, and you use some humour with it, it makes it a little gentler to hear. Like I said it depends on the situation. Take care Heather
2007-02-14 07:56:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As far as I am concerned if YOUR son is in the right, or getting treated unfairly, a parent has every right to defend him in front of anyone at anytime. A child needs to know he is loved and taken care of. A huge scene does not have to take place, and respect should still be taken into consideration if appropriate.
2007-02-14 07:52:50 · answer #9 · answered by sue d 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wife should always support you at least in public. If she was unhappy, she could have said something later to you in private. Why didn't she speak up to her mother?
You were not wrong as long as your were civil. You and your family should come first. She should defend you to her family and you should always side with her against your family.
2007-02-14 07:52:36 · answer #10 · answered by funngirly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not wrong if your son is right.But u shouldn't have done it face to face...perhaps more subtly...Because your mother in law is and elderly woman..your son should learn to have respect in elders.If u defend im like that in front of her..he would have have any respect for her.good luck
2007-02-14 07:51:20 · answer #11 · answered by Beautiful 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋