A couple of years ago I was watching a friend's preteen son. Out of nowhere, he started asking me about make-up and periods. I answered in a neutral way because I didn't want him to think that there was something wrong with him asking these questions. Then he told me that when he grew up he wanted to be a transvestite! I just laughed it off because, again, I didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable - maybe it was just a joke.
Is this common/normal behavior for preteen boys or should I have said something different? How would you have reacted? How would you have wanted a friend to react if this had been your son?
2007-02-14 07:26:25 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Ok just to clarify a couple of things based on the answers I've received so far. First of all, this WAS a couple of years ago and isn't an immediate issue anymore because I live somewhere totally different now. It's just something I've always wondered about because I don't have kids so I don't know how parents handle these kinds of things.
Secondly, I would like to say that I think it is VERY sad that some people seem to think that there was something "seriously wrong" with this boy. I just assumed that he'd heard or seen something on tv, heard kids talking about it or something - and I most certainly don't think it's my place to make judgments about a child of that age.
Last but not least, to Wendy 1: you've obviously misunderstood the question and/or the context entirely. I suggest you quit projecting YOUR insecurities on other people.
2007-02-14 10:25:36 · update #1
I think what you told the boy in a neutral way was a good idea. Didn't want to offend his parents or himself if your opinion differ'd from theirs, which is complety understandable.
He could of been joking, as a lot of pre teenage boys do. Depends on his expression: Laughing, grinning, low tone, serious tone, discussed the topic more to the extend of discussing any interest in facuation with dating boys or cross dressing; however, there is that possibility he was confiding in you in some shape or form. Maybe out of curiousity and maybe "testing" his waters before he comes out to people.
I have been working with school age children ages 7 to 12 years of age for a few years now. I have found it to be more common to joke around. Yet, a joke can be more of a serious answer stated to throw off others about their true sexual identity so it can be more hidable until they are ready to come forth with it.
It is just a matter of wait, see and discussion with that particular child with lots of honesty, trust and loyality to have that one on one bonding.
I am an accepting and supportive person if this would of been my son or daughter. I would want to make sure there is nothing wrong, no abuse or any form decision that caused this to occur.
2007-02-14 17:32:33 · answer #1 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would have told him you don't need to worry about anything like that because you will not be experiencing it. I don't think we should encourage kids to be something they are not. He is not a woman but a young man. I would encourage him to enjoy his manhood because he would have more to offer than being artificial. I think that these are choices that adults with a rational mind should make. Of course I do not believe in being transgender but if you choose to do so I think you should be an adult.
Personally I think that one should be made to feel ashamed of this way of life, it is not normal. By disapproving of this it sends a message that it unacceptable. If he values your opinion he will consider it. I think the last thing that we need is to loss another man to this way of life. If there is a deeper issue there then I believe it should be addressed in counseling. We as adults are responsible for planting good seeds into today's youth, so we need to say no to what is wrong and yes to what is right.
2007-02-14 15:57:05 · answer #2 · answered by Superwoman 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe this was just to get a reaction out of you, OR..maybe the child is serious. I speak from personal experience. I'm a female to male transsexual. Not many children think this way, or ask questions about this. Maybe the reason this child talked to YOU about this is because they trust you. Did you ever think that maybe this child has had these thoughts for awhile (many transsexuals/transvestites do) and felt that he had no one to talk to about it? Often times when children have these types of issues, they are afraid to tell their parents, but trust another adult instead. IF the child is serious, and you tell his parents, you may see resentment from this child, for breaking that trust. This issue is between the child and his parents. It should be left to the child when HE is ready to tell his parents, not you. But then again, that's just my opinion. Becuase I have told people about my transgender status and then they take it upon themselves to "out" me to their friends, co-workers, ect. The way I see it...anyone who is transsexual, gay, lesbian, or any other personal issue like that, should be handled by that person, not hear say.
2007-02-14 16:01:42 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you know full well it is not normal behavior for a pre teen boy. How you handle it depends on a lot of things. For one thing if he really is feeling this way then he needs someone he can talk to . IF it is safe to tell his parents and he is not in any danger or will possibly be thrown out then his parents should know so they can help him. If you are not sure then you should tell him he needs to talk to the counc. at school and see if they can answer any questions he has or put him in touch with people who can help him. Teenage suicide rates are far higher for gender confused , transgendered , or homosexual teens and it is an issue that should be taken seriously.
2007-02-14 16:02:37 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'd would answer in a very matter-of-fact manner and try to gently change the subject.
I do not think this is common questioning. I have three children. I do not recall ever having heard this line of questioning from any of their friends.
I would also be sure to tell the parent as I would want to know if it were my child asking these types of questions.
2007-02-14 15:51:02 · answer #5 · answered by Andrew 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It was a couple of YEARS ago? No offense, but I think you are over-estimating your influence here. Unless the parents are morons or abusive, you should have gone to them immediately so they could talk to their son and communicate-no matter what the outcome.
Also, why are you so insecure as an adult that you need a child "not to feel uncomfortable" around you? You don't really need approval that bad-or do you?
2007-02-14 16:16:20 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋
No way there something messed up with that kid. Talk to your friend and tell her that there is something messed up going on in her sons brain.
2007-02-14 17:45:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know where you are coming from i have a younger cousin who is like that. Dont give them any positive attention when it comes to things like that. Sometimes all they want is the attention and by taking a toatally opposite poition from you they try to get an reaction. My cousin goes a bit further because we are all now wondering if he really is "confused". (the nicer way of putting it).
You can side step their comments, with that is not appropriate to talk about, that is something you talk to your parents about. That is not a nice way to play.
2007-02-14 15:34:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
I would answer just like you did. Then I would also talk with his mom about it.. Its very commin... sometimes they are looking for attention ... my brother did and sometimes still does it...
2007-02-14 16:10:04 · answer #9 · answered by Angie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'd want you to tell me about it if it was my son.
2007-02-14 15:36:00 · answer #10 · answered by love-a 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋