How to handle an manipulative aunt?

Question

My aunt wants me desperately to reconnect w/my estraged father. I honestly want no part with him, as he is a stranger to me from being a dead beat dad all my life. She has sent me/offered me gifts just so I would consider inviting him to my wedding (*note: he has not even contacted me in 7 years). After ignoring her requests I have been getting letters that say she wants to contact me so she may "include me in her estate planning" - just one of her manipulative games to get me to contact her and talk more with me about my father. I have already told her that I don't want to discuss the situation with her. I am almost 30, am married and about to start a family. How do I tell my aunt that I am through with all the mind games and that I want them BOTH out of my life. I am at the point to take care of ME first and I feel strongly that elimating this out of my life will make me a happier person. Any advice how to send a strong and clear message to them both?

I guess the question should be: How to handle *a manipulate aunt.

Answer 1

She is set in her ways and trying to convince, coerce, or coax her into seeing your point of view is like beating a dead horse. Unfortunately, we cannot choose the family we are born into but we can certainly control the amount of time and effort we put into the relationship. It seems that her time is up. The best way to convey the full extent of your intentions is to ignore any attempt by her to manipulate you into accepting someone you want nothing to do with. Do not waste your time in any rebuttals, arguments or debates. They have done no good up to now and never will. She can be commended for trying to patch things up but that's it! Stand your ground or forever suffer the consequences!

Happy Valentine's Day to you and your husband!

Answer 2

You could get a restraining order to stop calling you or contacting you. That would give you legal action rights as well. She has no right to dictate your relationships. I say squash the aunt or burn her with a magnifying glass, HAHA I know yours is a serious issue, but in reality if you are moving after you marry, do not leave her a forwarding address and change you number as well. Let other family member who know you that you are cutting off all communication with this aunt and you are expecting you information to remain confidential. There are a hundred ways to make this happen, but if you want to really end it, be rude with her. Tell her you would care more about a hobo on the street dying then you would about her and your bio-dad, call him bio-dad or sperm donor, whichever fits best, I to had a dead beat dad and I too have cut him out of my life . I am happy and that is that. Good luck and I hope the aunt leaves you all alone.
Tracylyn S

Answer 3

Your aunt may be manipulative, but it still might be a good idea for you to see your father. If he has been a deadbeat dad, then it makes sense for her to offer you gifts to see him. He has deprived you materially, so it would be good for her to be as generous as she possibly can to try to make it up to you in a small (or large) way.
Even if you don't like him, and he's been not much of a dad, he is still your biological father, so it might satisfy your curiosity for you to meet with him. You can bring your mate so that he has the chance to meet him also. You can ask your father why he never paid child support. You can take pictures so that even if you don't want to see him again, you can show your children what he looked like.
And tell your aunt, yes, you want to be included in her estate planning. Better yet, she should giv e you money now. You deserve it.

Answer 4

I doubt you can say anything to change her mind. If I were you I would not read her letters or accept any calls from a person who is being insensitively intrusive in your life. I admire your strength to want to make a better life for yourself and your future family. Find someone who can run interference and block these letters or calls from getting to you. Eventually your clueless aunt will get the message and leave you alone.

Answer 5

Since it sounds to me that your aunt is the sister of your father, she probably can't wrap her mind around the fact that you don't want anything to do the brother that she loves. I would tell her something like "I appreciate your concern, but I feel it's in my best interest that I not have my father in my life. If you really cared about me, you would let this go. Please let it go." If she ignores this, then I would recommend screening her calls, changing your number, not telling her your new address, etc. Good luck.

Answer 6

You have already answered your own question. Just tell her in a very calm but steady voice. That if she can not respect your wishes of you not wanting to have a relationship with your exstranged father, then for your own sanity; you will have to cut ties with her as well.

Answer 7

Screen your telephone calls and don't respond to--let alone even open--correspondence from your aunt. She will eventually give up when she isn't getting any response from you at all. She'll get the message loud and clear. You can even write "refused" on any mail you receive from her and it should go back to her unopened.

Answer 8

When she calls hang up, she obviously doesn't want to listen to what you feel or want. Change your number and don't give it to them. Take out a restraining order. Good luck! And don't give up she is completely out of order.

Answer 9

Tell her if your father really wanted to be a part of your life, he would call you himself.