when i was 13 i met this boy niek and he was my first love. when i moved to the bay area i was 14 and fourced to leave him and we ended up losing contact. my feelings for him never went away. finally when i was 16 we got back in touch and for both of us all the feelings just came rushing back. he has had a bad child hood with a bad drugie mom and no person who has ever shown him real love. he cant believe that i still love him and want to be with him still. he has done things like drugs and drinking a hole lot these last few years. he is in juvi right now and claims he wants to come to the bay to be with me when he gets out so that he can change his life around. but in november i met this guy brian he has great plans. he is amazing and so sweet and treats me like no guy ever has. hes in college somethin most guys ive been interested in the past wld never do. im falling 4 him but i lov niek n dnt want 2 let him down like everyone but i dont want to be hurt what do u think i shld do?
2007-02-14 06:10:58 · 8 answers · asked by incubusgirl09 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
No one can give you the answer. You have to do what your heart & mind tells you and I doubt you would listen to anyone who told you what to do anyway. From what I can assume (speaking of getting back in touch at 16) I would say you are still young. You have your entire life ahead of you and do not have to pick your husband today. With that said you can still love Niek and be smart at the same time. I can tell you from expierience that "bad boys" always break your heart wether they want to or not. You seem like a nice and caring girl, just like I was/am. The sad truth is that you can't save Niek, or help him. I spent so many years of my life trying to help people and ended up depressed and disapointed. People have to save themselves before they can love someone else. No girl needs someone mentaly unstable and on drugs and in jail... You need to do what is best for you in your life right now. My advice is that wether you date Brian or whoever in the mean time you need to tell Niek that you are disapointed in his behavior and that although you love him very much you think it is best for him to get his life together before comming back to you. That means a life with out substance...Before you can love anyone else you have to love yourself and it seems like he has a great deal of things to work out in his own head. He will need professional help to get him over the struggles he has had with his mother, drugs, alcohol and jail. If he is an honest and mature guy, he will understand. If things are meant to be the universe will bring you back to each other when the time is right. Please trust me when I say you can't save the world... people have to change by themselves, no one can do it for them and untill you see change for your own eyes the situation is sure to bring you sorrow.
2007-02-14 06:33:24 · answer #1 · answered by emce 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one sweety. On the one hand you have a great friend that needs help, and honestly a change of scenery might do him good. Because sometimes people who leave the place where they got into a lot of trouble will change when they move. Also given the opportunity to grow and be loved does amazing things. This is called aging out. Which is when offenders grow out of there criminal issues. This happens when some get married, join the military, find religion etc. However, it does not justify you making a decision to uproot your life. I think you should go with your heart and it sounds like that is Brian. Remember that if you lead Niek on he will only end up worse off then he is now. You are still young, and have plenty of time to find the "one". So don't rush. Why can't you date Brian and have Niek move out there so that you guys can maintain your friendship? Be careful sweety, I don't want to put anyone in a stereotype, but if he has had problems with drinking and drugs and criminal acts......he may still have them if he moves next to you. Guard yourself.
2007-02-14 06:21:08 · answer #2 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's always a hard one (I had a friend like that) and sometimes if you can manage you can convince the friend that they don't want to hang out with you like start talking about your self more, be more critical, and show off your flaws more, spend time with her but try and make everything about you it will bother her and she will find some one else to pay so much attention to her
2016-05-23 22:44:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
young lady, first of all ya don't have a clue what true love is you are just too young, 2nd this guy needs years of therapy before he's ready for any type of gf, just steer away from guys with that kind of baggage, its trouble, no matter how ya try to sugar coat it, go out, have fun and find a hero not a zero.how do ya like me now?
2007-02-14 06:18:42 · answer #4 · answered by Billie R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stay away from any boys that tend to get themselves in trouble....it's HIGHLY likely he will never change. You will end up knocked up, he will leave you and then he will go off to prision for something serious, or he won't work and you will never see a penny for child support and you will look back and think "dang, I remember that chick on yahoo answers warned me about this"
2007-02-14 06:15:58 · answer #5 · answered by Cheryl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ahhhhh i had the same problem!!! I'm guessing this guy Neik has done stuff bad because he's been around bad stuff his whole life!!! and I don't think he's gonna change.......maybe he willl.....maybe it will be too late!!! I'd just be his very good friend and stay with the other guy.
2007-02-14 06:16:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should go for niek b-cause he wuz ur first love don't leave the one you love for the one you like b-cause the one that you like will leave you for the one he lovez!!!!
2007-02-14 06:16:20 · answer #7 · answered by sexysingle_2010 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One is your first love and the other is your dream. Follow your heart.
2007-02-14 06:15:38 · answer #8 · answered by Kimora Miranda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋