sis is making me feel gulity!?

Question

i'm getting married for the second time and my sis is making me feel gulity for not having her kids as bridesmaid and page boys. i have my daughter as my bridesmaid and she piles on the guilt saying that her daughter has never been a bridesmaid and the boys would like to. we want a small wedding with minium fuss and she knows this. Its getting to the point we seriously thinking of going away on our to do it.

Answer 1

I'd go away and do it!
My and my b/f planned our wedding for last summer, but within a week of it being booked, various family members were crawling out of the woodwork giving their unwanted opinions - and several people had fallen out!
We cancelled it and went on holiday instead.
We're now planning to go abroad and do it - without telling anyone. We'll email them when we've done it, to invite them to the evening reception when we get home!

Answer 2

It's your day tell her in no uncertain words no you do not want to have her kids in the bridal party.

She could spend the money herself and hire fancy suits for the boys and a pretty dress for the girl.

My sister wanted her daughter to be a bridesmaid at my wedding but with 12 nieces and nephews at the time it wasn't fair to do different rules for different people, I had said for a long time that when I got married I would have the oldest child from each family, that meant her eldest was my page boy and the eldest from the other two were bridesmaids. She did however get an extremely fancy dress for her daughter and a bag the same as the bridesmaids had! I didn't mind that because she had paid out the money and I didn't have to organise another person.

Answer 3

Don't see the problem, if is that important to her , let her buy the kids outfits. Would it make any difference as your daughter is going to be a bridesmaid anyway a few more wont make any difference. I would expect that if you are being careful you wont all be sitting down to dinner so a few more mouths to help eat what is there already(usually there is a lot left over) shouldn't make much difference. Putting yourself out a little isn't the end of the world, a wedding is a celebration to be surrounded by friends and family is far better than having no one to enjoy it with you wouldn't be much fun. Lastly it is only one day but by not taking all these things into account you may have a rift with your sister for years.Isn't it worth putting your self out a little.

Answer 4

As everyone says, it's your wedding, you have it anyway you want.. Go have it without her, just your daughter and 2 witnesses and just invite everyone to the reception. Your parents will understand. Maybe your daughter had never been a bridesmaid either, but your daughter should be the only extra special person at your wedding and have priority, so therefore should be the sole bridesmaid.
I would never let my sisters guilt trip me on my special day, esp since I'd be the one paying for it. Maybe you should ask your sister to have her marriage blessed and make her children the priority bridesmaids and pageboys in a later ceromony if she feels that left out.
Let her see all these answers, make a print out and leave it somewhere for her to 'accidentally' see it. She is being very selfish, almost jealous of all the attention you, your fiance and your daughter are getting! How childish!

Good luck, do it YOUR way!

Answer 5

I am going to start by saying what most people have and that its your wedding, your day etc etc so what happens during that day is down to you and your husband to be.

However, I will say this: my mum is one of six sisters and she got married for the second time a few years ago. A lot of people were saying this and piling on pressure for their own slice of the cake (if you pardon the unintended pun) by saying that certain neices or nephews should be bridesmaids or page boys or ring bearers or some other role that really is unimportant. With still 4 months to go until the big day my mum warned everybody to back off because it was down to her to decide what was going to happen. This didn't deter people and by the end of it nobody went to the ceremony (including me and my sister) because my mum and step dad just wanted to get married and not have any outside interference to worry about.

At first I was a bit upset but I soon got over it because like I said, it was her wedding day and she wanted it to be just right. Fair play to her is what i say and I urge you to think along the same lines. Yes it sounds harsh and yes your sister will be upset with you for a while but if she has any heart at all she will eventually see that it was her that drove you to the decision and that she should apologise.

I wish you and your intended all the very best for the future.

By the way, if you are still stuck for an organist, email me!!!!

Answer 6

If she cannot accept that you are having a small wedding with minimum fuss - then find something else for her Kids to do - waiters and waitresses at the reception! - if she still does not get the hint don't discuss it any further with her - issue the invitations to her the same as any one else and don't mention the arrangements to her again. If she brings up the subject of the wedding just change the subject or talk about the wedding cake, dress, photographer, venue - anything except the bridesmaids and page boy issue.

My wedding was a small affair and all I had was my best friend (in her 40s) as my matron of honour and no little bridesmaids or page boys - that way no one was disappointed

Answer 7

Your wedding is about you and your partner not about other relatives and their families. You can choose who you want as a bridesmaid and you have chosen your daughter because that is what you want. Stick to your guns - you want a small wedding - at this stage she is still invited. If it comes to the point where you choose to go away to do it, then she won't be a part of it at all. You haven't given into her wishes yet so you have to be strong.
What is the worst thing that could happen? Maybe just a sulky sister for a few days?

Good luck and don't let your day get ruined by other people.

Answer 8

Don't feel guilty - all my friends that were child bridemaids said it was really boring!! I didn't get to be one til last year (I'm 27), and it's much more fun when you're a grown up... tell her that her kids can be usher/bridesmaid to your daughter in 20 years if they're great mates.
Another factor to consider is if your daughter feeling a big part of the day and being special - she will be less so if there is more than one bridesmaid, that might convince your sis.
Good luck!

Answer 9

This is an akward situation... Tell her that you would be more than happy to do it but can't afford to have the expense. If she would be willing to pay for whatever expenses are incurred in having them in the wedding, you would be more than happy to oblige. On the other hand, if its just that you don't want any more people than what you already have, remind her that her daughter will have loads of opportunities to be a bridesmaid when her friends and cousins get married. Anyway, you know what they say.... "Always the bridesmaid, never the bride..." and you wouldn't want to be the cause of that now would you ;-)

Answer 10

Do not even get me started on families and your wedding!! My fiance's mother is turning into the devil over ours! You have to put your foot down on this one, this is your day and if you want a small wedding, then you ruddy well have one! Maybe ask your sister to do some little, but important jobs for you that she can then feel involved in the wedding. I am sure her kids do not care a monkeys fart that they are not going to be bridesmaid and page boy, it is her issue, not theirs. Ask her to choose the cake design or help you design the invites if possible. Get her involved in some way and that may take the pressure off you. We are not having any kids involved in our wedding as we do not have any but his mother seems to think we are using our nephew as a page boy, but we ain't! I am asking her to do simple jobs so that she does not just assume things and start talking about it all the time! Good luck with this and remember, this is your day and no one Else's. Put your foot down, be firm because people will get over it, you however, would not get over a bad wedding day. Make it special for the both of you, not the devil that is!. x

Answer 11

Don't shoulder any guilt as so many others have told you it is your day and your choice. To me your daughter would be your obvious choice and most people if getting married for the second time (know there are exceptions expecially if for one person it is first time) seem to choose a small wedding, possibly knowing that most guests were at your first wedding and although they probably would mind wouldn't want them to give extravagant wedding gift etc. What about your mum or other brothers or sisters? I take it you have tried to tell her yourself but if she won't listen and still going on about it try letting them get through to her. Only other alternative would be to tell her you simply cannot handle her going on so make a pact your wedding isn't brought up from now until after the event. If she still won't stop then she is just being selfish and you must just, hard as it will be ignore her.