My boyfriend's family troubles!!!?

Question

Alright, the only reason why I'm even asking is because he asked me what do I think he should do and we are currently fighting over the fact that I think he should stay out of it. His sister dropped out of high school and lays around the house all day while his mother works. Now her boyfriend lives with them(they are both 18) and he doesn't have a HS diploma either and they lay around the house together all day. His mother said her boyfriend could stay for a while with the intent that he would get a job soon...well, he's been staying there since late November. How hard could it be to find a job working somewhere as a mechanic or even in fast food, it's not like he should be picky about where he works with no G.E.D.? My boyfriend feels like his mother is being taken advantage of and I agree, but his mother doesn't want his sister to leave, so she is kinda willing to do anything to keep her. Should he say something or stay out of it? I love his mother and I hate to see these kids

using her like that, it's not right. But that's her choice you know? Because I love his mother, but it's not right for him to stay there RENT free and not work...all he does is surf youtube and myspace all day.

Answer 1

You're right, it's the mother's job to speak up and take care of this.

Answer 2

How hard is it to be a mechanic? Well, hunny, in REALITY, mechanics have a college education nowdays. That 18 year old boy CANNOT be a mechanic (because he has not been formally trained for that type of job). You actually have to go to *mechanic college* and learn from the books, plus get the hands-on training too. So, don't make it sound like being a mechanic is *easy*, cause it's not!

But, YES, they can go work in fast food or Wal Mart or The Dollar Store something to help out mom a bit!

I think the mom needs to politely ASK them to get a job, and get a job soon. Then if they *refuse* to get a job, then she needs to politely ask them to leave. It will be the best for them, cause then they'll have to learn to be independant. If they are old enough to "live together" then they are old enough to take care of themselves.

Cheers

Answer 3

Tell your boyfriend to take his mother out to lunch or dinner, and have a talk with her. Tell her that she is sending the wrong message out, that by her allowing your sisters boyfriend to stay in her house, it is very disrespectful, they are using her. and she is allowing it. The boyfriend need to go back home, or where ever, but he cannot lay around her house and do nothing all day, but stay on the computer, and the same goes for her daughter, your sister. Why do parents make things so convenient for their children, trying to be their friend, and not the parent, trying to instill values, in their children. Your mom needs to sit both of them down and talk to them, and pack up your sisters stuff, and your sister, need to go back to school or get a job, and if she can't follow your mom"s rules, then show her the door also, and if she want"s to leave with her boyfriend, that is her choice, trust me she will be back. Tell your boyfriends mom, she has to be firm and mean what she says, it may be hard, but she has to prepare her daughter for the outside world, and it is not easy out their!

Answer 4

The mother sounds like a really good person who loves her children so much that she would be willing to do anything to help them, and it's sad that she's in this situation. It's really her choice whether or not to say anything, but if you and your boyfriend did want to help, maybe you could tell the sister and her boyfriend about jobs available in their area. Circle some ads that would be good for them in the classifieds, or talk to them about the benefits of getting a high school diploma. I know it's not your responsibility to do these things, but you never know, it might help. Other than that, there's probably not much else you can do. It's up to the two of them to realize what they need to do, and it's up to the mother to talk to them about what they're doing. Good luck in resolving this.

Answer 5

Being a mom, I know the pitfalls of this kind of thing. But it's her call, it's her home and as bad as her decisions are in your mind, might be, they are her's to make. But I will say that I agree with you. All she is really doing is "ENABLING" her daughter and that loser boyfriend to depend on her. They will do nothing constructive with their lives as long as she allows them to continue doing what they're doing. I say she needs to seriously consider giving them a time table to find work, household chores, and pitching in to help out in anyway they can. Once they have jobs, they should contribute to the finances of running that home. Again, when the date arrives from the time table, they must leave. So its' up to them to make a way for themselves.
Yes the daughter will probably be mad and resentful, but you know what that is her issue, not your bf's mom.

I did something similar with my son and grandson, only to be taken advantage of for 2 years. I gave him a time table and stuck to it. He doesn't speak to us today and it's been 3 years. But I won't be used, even by my son. I get to see my grandson, but only because his mother believes we have that right.

That is my best advise. Good Luck to your bf and his family.

Answer 6

Personally i would stay out of it! especially if his mother is willing to do whatever she has to to keep her around. its kinda a catch 22, if he says something it could turn the heat to him, but if he don't then his mother will continue getting stepped on! Maybe he should talk to his dad and he might be able to make something happen. but if he is the man of the house he should definately stick up for his mom, b/c who else is going to? i hope this helps!

Answer 7

Be there for your boyfriend and his mom, be supportive. But that is all you can and should do. Blood is thicker than water, this is their problem to solve.
Just be supportive and be a good listener. Tell them you hate to see them hurting, but that's it.
Are you going to fight with your boyfriend, and risk losing him over his family matters. I wouldn't, and think that would be very foolish. Find a hobby!

Answer 8

Sounds like your boyfriends Mama needs to in-flick some tuff love! She is doing nothing but teaching them that it is ok to be lazy and bum off people for their lives! As for your boyfriend, he should deff. say something to his mom! She needs to realize what she is letting happen, what is she going to do when that lil girl ends up pregnant, and this boy has no job! Is she going to pay for that baby too!?

I say something needs to be done!

Answer 9

yes, stay out of it. This is mom's decision. She must have a reason for allowing her to do this. I know it must be really frustrating. But I wouldn't worry about it.

Answer 10

stay out it. she is a grown up woman and she can make decisions on her own. she will eventually get fed up by this free loader.