I need adult advice?

Question

Do you think it will be harder for me to keep a date once I tell my girlfriend that I’m abstaining from sex till marriage?

Hi, I’m a guy who’s 24 years old and still a virgin. I’m abstaining from sex till marriage. But I have this friend who’s a girl and she’s just like me abstaining from sex till marriage, but she tells me that all the guys she’s dated find out she’s abstaining from sex till marriage and dump her. Will I get the same reception like her when I start dating? The only reason why I haven’t started dating yet is because I haven’t found anyone special yet. But I’m kind of getting put of by the idea because of the way my friends being treated. And the worst thing is, she’s not a kid she’s 29 years old.

Why not go out with that girl ? Because we are just friends nothing more. What a guy and a girl can't be friends?

Answer 1

Hi there,

No.I don't think it will be harder for you to keep a date with your girlfriend once she finds out that you are celibate. This is just something important to you for reasons that are personal to you and that you view sex as something that should be treated with respect and dignity.

Our moral values towards relationships and sexual intimacy have changed considerably today. So many people are treating sex like it is something casual and meaningless when in fact, it is far more important than that. You choose to be celibate and for reasons that don't concern anyone else but you alone and it has nothing to do with anyone who isn't going to be having a relationship with you.

It is only your girlfriend that matters and if she loves you and wants to be with you, then she will whether you want sex before or after marriage. If someone likes anyone enough, they would not place sex as a priority over courtship and feelings. Your friend just happened to meet men who had a different agenda from her and they clearly didn't like her enough as a person to even stick around long enough.

I would say that you have absolutely nothing to worry about and because women rather than men generally tend to be less into wanting sex whilst dating anyway. It is usually a man thing to want sex before marriage and women are far more reserved in that area than they are even though many women today do have sex before marriage.

It will be much harder for her to keep her date with you if she is the one who doesn't like the idea of abstaining from sex before marriage. If she is any sort of girl, this should not bother her and even if she gets times when she is in doubt or changes her mind, you can both discuss it and try and find workable solutions.

It can be hard to date someone and not want sex if the attraction between you both is particularly strong and if the worse that happens is that you do end up having it anyway, then what can happen?. It wouldn't change who you are or your moral values and you can't be that hard on yourself. A lot of people have lost their virginity through haste, but also a lot do because they put very strict rules on themselves and can't manage to keep the
promises they make to themselves. Some people regret having never lost their virginity before and others don't and so this is individual to you as it is to the next person.

I lost mine at 21 and although I never intended to or planned to, my sexual needs just took over when I had a boyfriend who never had any reservations about having sex before marriage. This is what happens to a lot of girls and guys. Your life is a short one and unless you are religious, your only reasons for holding onto your virginity can only serve to deny you of the pleasures of what a good sex life can bring. What you choose to do is your choice alone and if you want to remain celibate until marriage, then there is nothing in this world that should keep you from that.

Any woman you date, would like and be with you for you. She just has to be patient herself and have the same moral values that you have to some extent and/or be willing to allow the intimacy between you to grow. It might be too conditional for
some women, but not for all women who want a higher quality
of relationship with a man.

I don't see you have a problem and if anything, should make you attractive to most women!.

Answer 2

Well I think your choice to wait till marriage to have sexual relations is refreshing. Not many men are like that. And no I don't think women will blow you off the way men do your friend. Alot of women would probably respect you for waiting till you found the right one rather than just sleeping with anyone just to do it. Plus most guys act that way around girls cause they are just pigs. The moment they find out they aren't going to get any action they just run as fast as they can. I mean I can't say that some women won't react that way but you should have far less trouble than your female friend. Just don't let anyone change your decision to wait for marriage other than yourself. You always have to be true to who you are and what you want out of life. One day you will find the right one and have the life you always dreamed of. Always think before you act because you don't want to regret your first time. Once you do it you can never take it back. You want it to be right. So good luck and keep the faith.

Answer 3

If you're abstaining from sex until marriage, I assume that is because the idea of sex is important to you - as is being faithful.

I also assume that the person you want to find will share those beliefs -that for her, sex will also be important.

Now it might be - given our different histories and paths - that she might not be a virgin. But she will share those values. And so that you are a virgin and waiting for marriage will be a good thing for her.

There will be women who will find that a turn off - but those aren't, it would seem to me, to be the kind of women you want to marry.

Sounds like you have a very effective system for helping to find the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with. I think this is a good thing - the women who will reject you are precisely the ones you don't want to get involved with.

Good luck.,.

Answer 4

You must follow your principles. Be honest with the people you date and if they value you as a person then they will be understanding and hopefully respect your integrity. If not - then what does this say about them? You will need to be honest and open or they may misinterpret you actions (or lack of them). Explain as fully as you can why you are going against what has sadly become the norm. Yes you may loose one or two on the way - but I think there may be some women out there who will breathe a sigh of relief that the man they are with doesn't just want them to fulfil his immediate sexual desires. Well done you for a courageous stance and an equally courageous question.

Answer 5

It wouldn't put me off going out with a guy for that reason... if we really got on who's to say we wouldn't get married and then there's no problem....

Having said that i wouldn't go out for very long as what is the point if your not going to get married (although same can be said for all relationships if you aren't going to either get married or settle down together)

My only issue is sometimes you go out with somebody and then when youdo have sex you realise there isn't a spark there... What are you going to do if you marry somebody and then find no spark? spnd the rest of your life missing out?

Why are you abstaining? is it religion or honour or something?

I say stick to what you really believe and not what you feel you should do because of society and that way you won't regret anything.

(i live by the rule i'd rather regret what i did do than what i didn't... but as long as your happy don't worry!)

Answer 6

I don't think so;but it can take a bit of looking around until you meet someone who shares your ideals. Why don't you start dating? It's the only way to start getting to know what 's out there,. My personal feeling is that when you meet the right person, sex with them will be a natural progression of the deepening of your relationship. I don't think it needs a piece of paper to tell you when it is right to have sex with someone. I am a survivor of the "no sex till we're married" thing. My husband turned out to be an insensitive oaf, who went about sex with the attitude of a bull at a gate. If I had known what it was going to be like, we may not have married at all..
However, back to you; a woman who really cares about how you feel is not going to dump you because you want to wait till you're married to have sex. but why is it necessary to bring this up so early in a relationship?
May I suggest you start dating for the fun and the human companionship it brings, not for the whole purpose of "not having sex". Play the field. Get to know lots of women. Go out in groups first; then in time you will meet that special someone. Marriage is not about having sex; it's about getting to know and learning to love someone; about learning to live with their faults and their good bits;about getting on with life with them; about the love and friendship between you, and one day , about the family you will bring into the world. Sex with someone you love is amazing, and gets better with the years.
I wish you well.

Answer 7

if you go on a date you don't have to tell the girl straight away see how it goes and get to know the person before you announce it , that way the girl will have got to know you too and will respect your decision , not everyone has sex on a first date or even a few dates so hold off until you know a person a bit and see . you can kiss and make out a bit without going all the way you know

Answer 8

Listen being with someone isn't the main thing and you don't have to be with someone. That's a great thing that you're doing, I wish I would have waited. I'm a child of God and I really see now why your body should be respected. I didn't know that then. But I don't know your reason, but look don't get with girls who don't understand with what you're doing. I'll come off straight out and say it, and then if they want to stick around then so be it. There's nothing like a man who stands up in what he believesin.

Answer 9

Just be yourself, if no one can respect your wishes once they understand then they're not worth your time. Some people want to have sex just as much as you want to wait, you just have to find the right person to share that with. Believe me, the world is big, you'll find someone eventually. I'm a girl, trust me, it's nice to know there is a guy out there that wants more than just sex:)

Answer 10

well if you are really intrested in her then just go and ask her out and make sure that she is ok for you to wait until marriage to have sex. i mean there is no rush you are young and to tell you the truth you can find someone younger than you. not saying that dating older people is a bad thing but for this lady it might because she might feel that she is running out of time to find the right man for her. good luck!